Feeling angry. No one to blame but myself...
Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2017 10:19 am
I don't post or read often. In many ways I just wish mormonism wasn't part of my life so I've kind of moved past the online communities, podcasts, etc. I tend to only come back when I feel angry, stuck, etc. So sorry in advance for ranting to all you who don't know me (pretty much everyone).
Background: Currently, attend about 3 times a month, at most 1 time to sacrament, and I sit in the hall for classes. IOW, I'm an inactive at church. I don't know many people since i've been this way since I moved here. I don't go to class because at best I'm bored out of my mind. At worse, I feel great anxiety thinking about all the things I should say but really shouldn't. I only go at all because my wife wishes it so.
Rant: EQ teacher sent out an anonymous survey. Asked questions like how often you read scriptures, pray, whether you've had faith crisis, whether parents are active, to rate testimony, what your biggest concerns are that cause you doubts, and what advice you have for others in overcoming doubts. I thought it interesting and wondered if the teacher possibly had been through a FC, though I doubted it. I filled out the survey and went to class assuming it would be an echo chamber for apologetic rhetoric. The teacher went down the questions one by one revealing each answer as an average of the total received. When he got to the question about specific doubts he blatantly said, we weren't going to discuss the answers or the issues, and moved on to strengthening testimonies. It was pretty much as expected. People doubt because they are lax in their prayer/scriputre study. Satan wants to deceive us. Bringing up doubts at church is not appropriate except maybe if the reason isn't simply to bring it up or to convince anyone. The solution is to pray and look for answers in the scriptures, but to make sure not to use the internet (You just can't make this stuff up people!) I left after about 10 mins of this stuff, as I just couldn't stay without saying something to get myself in trouble. And I left angry, and still feel angry, and I'm not even entirely sure why. I don't think it wen any differently then expected other than not talking about issues people were having. I guess I just wanted to know what people struggled with, what things people knew about, and that desire was denied. Sigh...can't wait for the day to be done with this $#!+
Background: Currently, attend about 3 times a month, at most 1 time to sacrament, and I sit in the hall for classes. IOW, I'm an inactive at church. I don't know many people since i've been this way since I moved here. I don't go to class because at best I'm bored out of my mind. At worse, I feel great anxiety thinking about all the things I should say but really shouldn't. I only go at all because my wife wishes it so.
Rant: EQ teacher sent out an anonymous survey. Asked questions like how often you read scriptures, pray, whether you've had faith crisis, whether parents are active, to rate testimony, what your biggest concerns are that cause you doubts, and what advice you have for others in overcoming doubts. I thought it interesting and wondered if the teacher possibly had been through a FC, though I doubted it. I filled out the survey and went to class assuming it would be an echo chamber for apologetic rhetoric. The teacher went down the questions one by one revealing each answer as an average of the total received. When he got to the question about specific doubts he blatantly said, we weren't going to discuss the answers or the issues, and moved on to strengthening testimonies. It was pretty much as expected. People doubt because they are lax in their prayer/scriputre study. Satan wants to deceive us. Bringing up doubts at church is not appropriate except maybe if the reason isn't simply to bring it up or to convince anyone. The solution is to pray and look for answers in the scriptures, but to make sure not to use the internet (You just can't make this stuff up people!) I left after about 10 mins of this stuff, as I just couldn't stay without saying something to get myself in trouble. And I left angry, and still feel angry, and I'm not even entirely sure why. I don't think it wen any differently then expected other than not talking about issues people were having. I guess I just wanted to know what people struggled with, what things people knew about, and that desire was denied. Sigh...can't wait for the day to be done with this $#!+