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How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:18 am
by Red Ryder
How do you know if your wife is having an affair? It's rather obvious if you look for the signs:
She gets dressed up in her best clothes and visits his house often.
She wears special underwear he gives her.
She secretly admires a man with a beard.
She admires his hands?
She loves to read all about him.
She can't stop talking about him.
She tells your kids all about him.
She talks to her friends and neighbors about him.
She worships him.
She loves his bread recipes.
She talks to his dad every day.
She hangs his picture in your living room AND bedroom!
She yells out his name while making love to you!
Arguably, your wife probably loves Jesus more than you!
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 11:28 am
by wtfluff
Hilarious, yet extremely depressing, all at the same time.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 1:25 pm
by Corsair
I think there is a version for plural marriage and polyandry before 1890 in Mormon culture.
She gets dressed up in her best clothes and listens to his sermons on sunday.
She is willing to wear special underwear he could give her.
She secretly admires a man with a higher priesthood.
She loves to read his talks in the Journal of Discourses.
She compares him with the polygamous husbands of her friends and neighbors.
She worships his priesthood authority.
She is OK with him giving you a mission call.
She marries or gets sealed to him while you are away on a mission preaching the gospel.
She is wiling to have you as the witness of her sealing to him in a temple.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 1:27 pm
by MoPag
Red Ryder wrote: ↑Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:18 am
She gets dressed up in her best clothes and visits his house often.
She wears special underwear he gives her.
She secretly admires a man with a beard.
She admires his hands?
She loves to read all about him.
She can't stop talking about him.
She tells your kids all about him.
She talks to her friends and neighbors about him.
She worships him.
She loves his bread recipes.
She talks to his dad every day.
She hangs his picture in your living room AND bedroom!
She yells out his name while making love to you!
Someone go and tell you bishop that your wife has been doing all these things. Then notice a pic of Jesus on the wall and be like: OMG!! That is the guy!!!
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 1:35 pm
by MerrieMiss
Or Joseph Smith.
You'd have to change a few things, like the beard and I'm not sure she yells out his name during lovemaking...but the love affair with Joseph is alive and well.
I have a family member who was a bishop a while back who told me he had several older ladies come to him and request that they be sealed to Joseph Smith. Gross.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 1:54 pm
by moksha
Red Ryder wrote: ↑Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:18 am
She yells out his name while making love to you!
Does she ever shout out the names of the entire Godhead?
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 10:36 am
by Corsair
moksha wrote: ↑Wed Jul 12, 2017 1:54 pm
Red Ryder wrote: ↑Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:18 am
She yells out his name while making love to you!
Does she ever shout out the names of the entire Godhead?
Whatever she yells with passion might indicate if she is a Nicene Creed Trinitarian, or follows a Modalist, or even an Arian belief. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, after all.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:06 pm
by redjay
It's up to you. It can be an affair or a threesome if you willing to wear the panties too.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 4:02 pm
by Grace2Daisy
Ah. . . always a good reminder of Jimmy Dugan in A League of Their Own!
Lord, I'd just like to thank You for that waitress in South Bend. You know who she is - she kept calling Your name.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Sun Jul 16, 2017 10:34 am
by Newme
Red Ryder wrote: ↑Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:18 am
How do you know if your wife is having an affair? It's rather obvious if you look for the signs:
She gets dressed up in her best clothes and visits his house often.
She wears special underwear he gives her.
She secretly admires a man with a beard.
She admires his hands?
She loves to read all about him.
She can't stop talking about him.
She tells your kids all about him.
She talks to her friends and neighbors about him.
She worships him.
She loves his bread recipes.
She talks to his dad every day.
She hangs his picture in your living room AND bedroom!
She yells out his name while making love to you!
Arguably, your wife probably loves Jesus more than you!
Hilarious to think of it that way, but there's some philosophical truth in it too.
Paul Tillech suggested that god is one's ultimate concern. Words mean nothing- habit and action are what count. One may SAY they worship God, but in reality they're most concerned with their hobby or in TBM's case - the church is their false god.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2017 9:49 am
by 20/20hind
Haha that's good..but she is only fanticizing. Because having an affair with an unseen unknown being is kind of messed up a little.
She may even have a picture of him with your kids gathered around him.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2017 2:06 pm
by Korihor
Hilarious and a trigger for me. Early in our courtship, I struggled with God vs Girlfriend alliances. I chose God per the false traditions of my forefathers. I chose wrong.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2021 3:22 pm
by Red Ryder
4.5 years later and her affair continues…
Just yesterday she went to his house to bless and pray over his new remodel job. He wouldn’t let me in without a recommend from the local dentist.
Damn him…
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2021 7:32 pm
by Wonderment
This is hilarious, but also kind of true. Women who are raised very strictly to be "good girls' understand that they cannot be faulted for fantasizing about the prophet or his acccomplices. If you have ever read a chatboard or FaceBook site of TBM women, you know that some women come very close to idolizing Joseph or the G.A.'s as if they are Hollywood celebrities. I have seen Uchtdorf swooned over as "the hot one." Some of that writing comes very close to sexual yearning.
-- Wndr.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Mon Dec 13, 2021 10:37 pm
by Cnsl1
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2021 6:05 am
by hmb
moksha wrote: ↑Wed Jul 12, 2017 1:54 pm
Red Ryder wrote: ↑Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:18 am
She yells out his name while making love to you!
Does she ever shout out the names of the entire Godhead?
What or whomever's name she's yelling, just be glad she is yelling. It means you're doing something right.
Re: How do you know if your wife is having an affair?
Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2021 10:17 am
by Stig
Truth