How do you know if your wife is having an affair?

[Red Ryder]

How do you know if your wife is having an affair? It's rather obvious if you look for the signs:

She gets dressed up in her best clothes and visits his house often.
She wears special underwear he gives her.
She secretly admires a man with a beard.
She admires his hands?
She loves to read all about him.
She can't stop talking about him.
She tells your kids all about him.
She talks to her friends and neighbors about him.
She worships him.
She loves his bread recipes.
She talks to his dad every day.
She hangs his picture in your living room AND bedroom!
She yells out his name while making love to you!

Arguably, your wife probably loves Jesus more than you!

[wtfluff]

Hilarious, yet extremely depressing, all at the same time.

[Corsair]

I think there is a version for plural marriage and polyandry before 1890 in Mormon culture.

She gets dressed up in her best clothes and listens to his sermons on sunday.
She is willing to wear special underwear he could give her.
She secretly admires a man with a higher priesthood.
She loves to read his talks in the Journal of Discourses.
She compares him with the polygamous husbands of her friends and neighbors.
She worships his priesthood authority.
She is OK with him giving you a mission call.
She marries or gets sealed to him while you are away on a mission preaching the gospel.
She is wiling to have you as the witness of her sealing to him in a temple.

[MoPag]

She gets dressed up in her best clothes and visits his house often.
She wears special underwear he gives her.
She secretly admires a man with a beard.
She admires his hands?
She loves to read all about him.
She can't stop talking about him.
She tells your kids all about him.
She talks to her friends and neighbors about him.
She worships him.
She loves his bread recipes.
She talks to his dad every day.
She hangs his picture in your living room AND bedroom!
She yells out his name while making love to you!

Someone go and tell you bishop that your wife has been doing all these things. Then notice a pic of Jesus on the wall and be like: OMG!! That is the guy!!!

[MerrieMiss]

Or Joseph Smith.

You'd have to change a few things, like the beard and I'm not sure she yells out his name during lovemaking...but the love affair with Joseph is alive and well.

I have a family member who was a bishop a while back who told me he had several older ladies come to him and request that they be sealed to Joseph Smith. Gross.

[moksha]

She yells out his name while making love to you!

Does she ever shout out the names of the entire Godhead?

[Corsair]

She yells out his name while making love to you!

Does she ever shout out the names of the entire Godhead?

Whatever she yells with passion might indicate if she is a Nicene Creed Trinitarian, or follows a Modalist, or even an Arian belief. No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, after all.

[redjay]

It's up to you. It can be an affair or a threesome if you willing to wear the panties too.

[Grace2Daisy]

Ah. . . always a good reminder of Jimmy Dugan in A League of Their Own!

Lord, I'd just like to thank You for that waitress in South Bend. You know who she is - she kept calling Your name.

[Newme]

How do you know if your wife is having an affair? It's rather obvious if you look for the signs:

She gets dressed up in her best clothes and visits his house often.
She wears special underwear he gives her.
She secretly admires a man with a beard.
She admires his hands?
She loves to read all about him.
She can't stop talking about him.
She tells your kids all about him.
She talks to her friends and neighbors about him.
She worships him.
She loves his bread recipes.
She talks to his dad every day.
She hangs his picture in your living room AND bedroom!
She yells out his name while making love to you!

Arguably, your wife probably loves Jesus more than you!

Hilarious to think of it that way, but there's some philosophical truth in it too.
Paul Tillech suggested that god is one's ultimate concern. Words mean nothing- habit and action are what count. One may SAY they worship God, but in reality they're most concerned with their hobby or in TBM's case - the church is their false god.

[20/20hind]

Haha that's good..but she is only fanticizing. Because having an affair with an unseen unknown being is kind of messed up a little.
She may even have a picture of him with your kids gathered around him.

[Korihor]

Hilarious and a trigger for me. Early in our courtship, I struggled with God vs Girlfriend alliances. I chose God per the false traditions of my forefathers. I chose wrong.

[Red Ryder]

4.5 years later and her affair continues…

Just yesterday she went to his house to bless and pray over his new remodel job. He wouldn’t let me in without a recommend from the local dentist.

Damn him…

[Wonderment]

This is hilarious, but also kind of true. Women who are raised very strictly to be "good girls' understand that they cannot be faulted for fantasizing about the prophet or his acccomplices. If you have ever read a chatboard or FaceBook site of TBM women, you know that some women come very close to idolizing Joseph or the G.A.'s as if they are Hollywood celebrities. I have seen Uchtdorf swooned over as "the hot one." Some of that writing comes very close to sexual yearning. -- Wndr.

[Cnsl1]

Hayes Carrl said it well:

https://youtu.be/AqK4Q67rdM4

[hmb]

She yells out his name while making love to you!

Does she ever shout out the names of the entire Godhead?

What or whomever's name she's yelling, just be glad she is yelling. It means you're doing something right.

[Stig]

Truth