NOM

69. Don't even think about it.
68. Attach a saw blade, and make an oscillating power tool.
67. Make it the timebase for a clock.

66. Use it as a microphone and lipsync to The Beach Boys, Good Vibrations.

65. An electric toothbrush
64. Cat toy
63. Car rearview mirror ornament
62. Cake decorative piece.
61. Relief Society centerpiece
60. Mosquito attractor
59. Drop in container with frozen orange juice and over time will self mix.
58. For spreading peanut butter or mayonnaise

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Wed Feb 22, 2017 1:36 pm

Emower wrote: ↑Wed Feb 22, 2017 1:11 pm I am trying to nudge my wife in the direction of toy ownership. It is very slow going.

Don't nudge. Just buy one online and figure out how to use it together. She'll thank you later. Adam & Eve is a great site. Probably NSFW if you're on a company machine.
http://www.adameve.com

If you must nudge then first buy a vibrating penis ring. It (obviously) slides over the guy and vibrates both the man and woman externally. You can even pick one up made by Trojan at Walgreens for $14.99. It's relatively cheap and fun to start with. Call it the gateway vibrator!

Again, probably NSFW if you're on a company machine.
https://www.walgreens.com/q/vibrating+rings

Tell the wife you heard about it in Elders Quorum!

Emower (playing role of Jesus):
"I will return and report."
RedRyder (playing role of God):
"No need, go have fun."

I could have made a funny along the lines of "I will go down..." but that might be pushing the temple joke too far...

It seems like this subject comes up when we've been out with our TBM friends. Pretty much all of our TBM friends have vibrators. Good know that at least some TBM women are in control of their pleasure.

Use it to pollinate tomatoes. My DH has actually done this. It apparently worked.

FreeFallin wrote: ↑Thu Feb 23, 2017 7:32 pm Use it to pollinate tomatoes. My DH has actually done this. It apparently worked.

For some reason "use it to pollinate tomatoes" sounds like a euphemism for something fun.

Spicy McHaggis wrote: ↑Thu Feb 23, 2017 11:58 pm

FreeFallin wrote: ↑Thu Feb 23, 2017 7:32 pm Use it to pollinate tomatoes. My DH has actually done this. It apparently worked.

For some reason "use it to pollinate tomatoes" sounds like a euphemism for something fun.

I think the reason is because we're talking about vibrators.

Enoch Witty wrote: ↑Fri Feb 24, 2017 6:41 am

Spicy McHaggis wrote: ↑Thu Feb 23, 2017 11:58 pm

FreeFallin wrote: ↑Thu Feb 23, 2017 7:32 pm Use it to pollinate tomatoes. My DH has actually done this. It apparently worked.

For some reason "use it to pollinate tomatoes" sounds like a euphemism for something fun.

I think the reason is because we're talking about vibrators.

Maybe I'll try that on my wife. "Hey Babe, can I pollinate your tomatoes?"

Part of the lesson could include a conversation that an adult toy store is not a direct portal to hell. It is not a perpetual orgy party with sex crazed maniacs swimming in a pool of lubricant with a jumbo tron playing a continual loop of "Sugar and Spice not playing too nice"

Every big box retailer should send their employees to an adult store to see what true customer service really looks like.

Staff at adult stores are always very kind, knowledgeable, not too pushy and have experience with the products they're selling.

Alright, to be fair, these stores do charge a premium. You can get very similar products for a lower price on the internet. That being said, there is an intrinsic value to see something in person that is going to be a very specific use. Until you know exactly what you want, it's worth spending a few extra bucks for some hands-on training until you know enough to order it online, sight unseen.

People in adult stores are a huge variety. People in business attire, average looking Joe's, some with a few tattoo's and piercings, some with lots of tattoos and piercings. Old, young, middle-aged.

Fair warning, you will see some explicit images on the packing of the product in action. And the DVD clearance rack doesn't have the same titles as RedBox. But I promise you'll walk out with a renewed sense of interest for the schedule of events that evening.

Corsair wrote: ↑Wed Feb 22, 2017 9:22 am This topic has a lot of views, but not a lot of posts. I think most of us simply have no practical (ie., "non-humorous") contributions on this topic, especially the "priesthood holders" on this forum. We certainly wish you well, but can't think of a way to post that does not quickly devolve into jokes about "resonant frequency".

Pretty much this. I wish you all the best with the topic my friend, but I am clueless.

I have officially accepted the responsibility to lead this discussion at the retreat now. I have also informed my husband of this decision - I let him know that we can celebrate our anniversary on another weekend. I don't know if he understands why I want to go to this, let alone speak on such a 'private' subject to a bunch of women, most of whom I don't know. However, the reason that I agreed to do this is because I think it desperately needs to be discussed. Ever since I was in college I was struck by the fact that as LDS youth we're taught all the what not to do's and that we shouldn't talk about anything related to sex, because thoughts lead to actions which can lead to big trouble, loads of guilt and gasp?!?! - UNWORTHINESS! So we're taught to stay away from all things sexual until the moment that ring goes on in the temple and then it's "have at it kids - make more little mormons", now it's encouraged, but how do you let go of all those years worth of 'it's bad - stay away' to 'now it's ok - figure it out on your own'? and what I'm really hoping is that there aren't just a bunch of married women in this discussion. I really hope there are some single women there. It's hard being a single adult and being lds and having needs and desires that you're basically told to ignore, or worse, that if you yield to you're a low-down dirty pervert, because masturbation is a perversion. I figure since I no longer participate in my former religion and some think I am probably going to hell anyway, I might as well, just really, really do something to warrant my one-way ticket to hell. Telling my fellow sisters, that in my opinion, they have a right to actively (not passively) participate in their own sexual pleasure, whether with their spouse, partner or solo - that they have nothing to feel guilty over (if they're single), that it's natural, that it's healthy and that it's highly wonderfully amazing and empowering, might possibly earn me that condo in hell...

But what I'm really hoping for is just to be the leader of a discussion, where women are talking openly about sex, about what works, what doesn't, how to overcome hang-ups, how to let go, how to know ourselves and what we like and in doing so, how we can strenthen the relationships we have and if we're single, how this will enhance any relationships we hope to have in the future, and if there are no 'relationships in the future', how we can maintain some semblance of sanity...

During my years of being LDS and single (never married till I was 40), my personal opinion is that forced abstinence in adults makes people just odd... I don't think it's natural - I don't think it's necessarily healthy, physically or emotionally...

If someone does ask my opinion about certain practices, specific toys, should toys be a part of my marriage, how do they help, etc, then I will be more than happy to share my opnions on those things also...

FInally, an opportunity where my lack of shame and my proclivity for oversharing can be put to use...

Rock on Siren!

Please return and report!

57. rolling pin for super flaky pie crusts - the vibrating action helps to evenly disperse the butter
56. baton for leading the music in sacrament meeting
55. use them for a game at the next adult-only trunk or treat - stand them up and use them for a ring toss game

and remember, silver bullets are not just for taking down werewolves...

sirensong wrote: ↑Sat Feb 25, 2017 9:52 pm 56. baton for leading the music in sacrament meeting

Best use yet! I'd actually attend a snoozerament meeting to witness that!

54. Put it in a bowl of solvent for a poor man's ultrasonic cleaner. (Clean thoroughly after done)

I may actually try that next time I need to clean a circuit board.

Ok, I have only two pieces of wisdom to add:

1. Hitachi Magic Wand
2. Vibrators are not just for women

First, let me say I can't believe the topic would even be considered, let alone allowed. Glad someone has a progressive mindset somewhere.

Second:

During my years of being LDS and single (never married till I was 40), my personal opinion is that forced abstinence in adults makes people just odd... I don't think it's natural - I don't think it's necessarily healthy, physically or emotionally...

You've hit a nail on the head with that one. Celibacy is not natural and not only is it guilt and shame producing for those that "fall", but it causes other problems such as bad marriages when we are 40 (or 32 in the case of my wife and I) because not only are you supposed to be married, but by gawd you gotta be able to have sex with someone, sometime!!!

This topic came up at a RS enrichment playgroup one day. Everyone wanted to know how to make sex better, wanting to do something similar to what you are doing. It never went anywhere, unfortunately.

Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS therapist who specializes in relationship and sexuality counseling. Maybe listening to some of her interviews and podcasts would help?

Other ideas:
Talk about the physical and emotional benefits of orgasms
Talk about how it can help balance the relationship when both partners give and receive pleasure
Talk about being able to let go to let things happen

As an aside, typing "101 uses for a vibrator" into google brings back 28,000 results. So, yeah. I don't know how many of those 28,000 results would be acceptable for this though!

Yay, a TMI thread!

I was surprised when I found out many LDS people don't use vibrators. My ex-wife and I bought one together while we were engaged. My ex mentioned a few times that her Mormon friends had never experienced orgasm, which boggled her mind. She was one who cannot orgasm vaginally (I think most women are that way) so we always used techniques as foreplay to focus on her: fingers, oral, and vibrators. The thought of sex without the female orgasm is unexciting to me, personally.

You might mention that a vibrator need not be just about her but a shared thing. I've known a few couples who have a "his" and a "hers". We always shared a vibrator because my pleasure out of it was never through insertion but skin contact, so there wasn't a risk of UTI. It made foreplay more erotic as we would pass it back and forth.

So, here is my use for a vibrator, although it has been said here already. I ran a long run one day (somewhere between 20 and 22 miles) and my thigh was cramping that evening. I couldn't stretch it and heat / cold were not working. It just kept cramping. She finally grabbed her red pointy vibrator and pushed the tip into the muscle hard and turned on the vibrator. It helped immensely and was the "miracle cure" in that case.