101 Uses for a Vibrator

[sirensong]

Last year I went to my first Mormon feminist retreat and I volunteered to help plan this year's retreat. The date of my 10 year anniversary was to coincide with the retreat and I thought we'd probably be celebrating, so I told my friend that although I might not be coming, the least I could do was to try and help think of some good ideas for break out sessions. Well, she and and I used to joke many years ago that if I were ever made a RS President that I wanted to do an enrichment meeting entitled "101 Uses for a Vibrator" as I felt that was a much needed (and often ignored) topic of discussion. So, jokingly I told her that should be a session topic. Well, guess who just got asked to come and lead a session - "101 Uses for a Vibrator - Taking Control of Your Sexual Pleasure"? Apparently it was an overwhelming favorite in the voting for session ideas...

This might be very interesting. As long as they understand that I'm not a professional... only an enthusiastic amateur... lol

What the hell have I gotten myself into? Anybody got any ideas?

[moksha]

You know how drinking glasses can be used to produce musical tones by vibrating at a certain frequency? Wait, never mind... you were not asking about a musical extravaganza.

[Red Ryder]

Sadly, from the RS and Mormonism point of view, sexual pleasure (especially self sexual pleasure) is NOT even on the list of things to do with a vibrator. So I'm extremely ashamed for writing this out!

#101: With the vibrator turned on, place your 5 lb cans of wheat near the unit to vibrate the dead weavels to the top. Skim the dead bugs off the top and replace the white plastic lid.

#100: Use the vibrator to stir the chicken broth in preparation of Grandma Ethel's favorite funeral potato recipe.

#99: massage your husband's sore back.

#98: massage your husband's feet.

#97: massage your husband's neck.

#96: massage your husband's head.

#95: massage your husband's elbows.

#94: plug a hole in a leaky boat.

#93: stir that can of old paint.

#92: Scare the Holy Ghost out of the house.

#91: release sinus pressure.

#90: check the gas or oil levels in your lawn mower.

#89: attach to wall behind door for a "no bang" door stop!

#88: don't want your soda to go flat? Use the vibrator as a 2 liter bottle cork.

#87: lost the bath tub drain? Use the vibrator to plug the tub!

... and 86 other things that have nothing to do with sexual pleasure.

[Corsair]

This topic has a lot of views, but not a lot of posts. I think most of us simply have no practical (ie., "non-humorous") contributions on this topic, especially the "priesthood holders" on this forum. We certainly wish you well, but can't think of a way to post that does not quickly devolve into jokes about "resonant frequency".

[wtfluff]

RR posted all my "stirring stuff with a vibrator" ideas. (Actually, his were much better than mine.)

I got nothing else...

[Red Ryder]

A quick google search comes up with a few good book recommendations. Hopefully Amazon captures that click and starts making recommendations for Mrs. Ryder.

And speaking of Mrs. Ryder, early in our marriage we found the joy of toy ownership. Embarrassingly, I admit I was too cheap to buy the expensive jumping jack bunny humping rabbit jack hammer with cosmic Cadillac screaming hip thrusting therapeutic pelvic tightening vibratory device. My fiscally conservative brain screamed $169 could be wisely spent elsewhere. The one speed $19 purple finger numbing buzzer was fine with me.

Unfortunately you get what you pray for and the motors kept burning out and the batteries wouldn't last very long. Finally after doing some "couples" research on the internet we went to a nearby store called Fascinations and found a nice one. It was a little awkward when a store clerk walked up and asked if we needed help finding anything. I couldn't exactly ask her what her personal recommendation was. Or if there was a warranty on the motor. As my mind was racing, the tunnel vision was kicking in, and my speech was starting to stutter and slur. Mrs. Ryder politely asked where the "Beautiful Butterfly" was and the clerk walked us over to the great wall of vibrators and pointed it out.

Let me just say this, gentlemen! DONT BE CHEAP!! It's worth every penny!

[Red Ryder]

RR posted all my "stirring stuff with a vibrator" ideas. (Actually, his were much better than mine.)

I got nothing else...

I forgot pancake batter and scrambled eggs! Guaranteed all of your visiting relatives will be asking how your Saturday morning egg scramble is so light and fluffy! WTFluff indeed!

[20/20hind]

I have an idea for a theme song for your class

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9UsUL7D_GOo

[Lithium Sunset]

Hahaha... I would imagine my face is bright red right now.
The farthest I have been on this topic was checking out a website that sells them. And that has been relatively recent.
I second the good luck. Since you went as far as posting this, you have to come back and tell us how it went haha.

[2bizE]

I only have a few minutes to provide some information, so I may have multiple posts.
Me and the misses have added these toys to our intimacy toolbox. They come in handy especially when I traveled out of state a lot. I recommend naming them appropriately. My wife just asked me to replace "Bob" as he is not working so well. He is the oldest.
79.Home teaching: the wife can say "get your home teaching done and you get me, otherwise I'm going to use "Bob" instead.
78. Use it as a spinner for board games or games like pin the tail on the donkey.
77. Use it to stir up a glass of chocolate milk.
76. Use it in the gravy bowl to stir the gravy.
75. More to come....

[Emower]

I am trying to nudge my wife in the direction of toy ownership. It is very slow going.

[Red Ryder]

I am trying to nudge my wife in the direction of toy ownership. It is very slow going.

Don't nudge. Just buy one online and figure out how to use it together. She'll thank you later. Adam & Eve is a great site. Probably NSFW if you're on a company machine.
http://www.adameve.com

If you must nudge then first buy a vibrating penis ring. It (obviously) slides over the guy and vibrates both the man and woman externally. You can even pick one up made by Trojan at Walgreens for $14.99. It's relatively cheap and fun to start with. Call it the gateway vibrator!

Again, probably NSFW if you're on a company machine.
https://www.walgreens.com/q/vibrating+rings

Tell the wife you heard about it in Elders Quorum!

[wtfluff]

Tell the wife you heard about it in El-NOM-ders Quorum!

Fixed. It's like Sunday School: Couples are welcome, but El-NOM-ders Quorum is actually an interesting learning experience, instead of mind-numbing...

[MalcolmVillager]

We have used a few small ones, finger tip or cock-ring style through the years. I finally got DW a real, full-featured one while in Vegas together about a year ago (that was a great trip BTW).

I challenged her to get to know herself while I was on business soon after. She did and said it was alright but prefers me (awe how sweet). We have pulled it out from time to time, but always by my insistence and her reluctance. It always does its job, and then I give her round 2.

She has gotten it out at times when I am gone, but we have a don't ask don't tell policy on private stimulation.

TMI. Sorry.

[Give It Time]

75. Agitate the bubbles in the tub to make it foamier
74. Agitate the bubbles in the sink to make the dishwater foamier.
73. Agitate the cream and stuff to make ice cream.
72. Turn it on and place it under someone's mattress or cushion the shock the bejeebers out of them.
71. Turn it on, hold it to your head and talk. Make your children laugh.
70. Make a bucket of milkshakes.

[GoodBoy]

70. Make a bucket of milkshakes.

Yes. Do this one for sure.

[moksha]

Haven't read Consumer Reports for years, but I do understand that the Sybian model comes with a 5-year warranty and is the preferred saddle of the Women's Equestrian Association.

[2bizE]

I am trying to nudge my wife in the direction of toy ownership. It is very slow going.

The easiest method is to buy one on Amazon. Nothing too fancy, just the basics. Maybe the small bullet. Then tell the misses you overheard some women at work talking about how much they have added to their sex lives. Tell her you thought it would be fun try out. Then experiment together. Trust me that she will like it. Then add another to your collection as time goes on. It's like getting power tools for the garage...over time.

[moksha]

Haven't read Consumer Reports for years, but I do understand that the Sybian model comes with a 5-year warranty and is the preferred saddle of the Women's Equestrian Association.

I understand the owners of that model now smile wistfully whenever some angry person tells them to "sit on it".

[Red Ryder]

It's like getting power tools for the garage...over time.

Yes!Yes! Yeeessssss!