NOM

Some have expressed a wish to have the content from the old NOM back. I found a few quotes I had copied and I’ll share. And if you find any – or have any thoughts that help us NOMs navigate our way in the most healthy ways possible, please share!

Ok, I didn't note the author's name - – so I’m not sure – could be some on this forum.
This topic is about what and how to teach our kids when our spouse believes differently...

“I’m so glad I have all you other NOMs to be a sounding board as I continue to navigate my situation. My thanks to all who take the time to read & respond to this.
I’m struggling with whether I should try instilling some of my own philosophical and spiritual views on my children. After some initial fallout after my disaffection, my wife and I are doing really well now… I participate in family prayer once an evening and at the dinner table, but that is about the extent of it. I’m hesitant to rock the boat right now.
My kids are 10, 7, and 3. They attend church every Sunday with my wife. They read from the Book of Mormon every morning before school. ..
My question for you all is, should I speak with my wife and let her know that I want the chance to balance some of the teachings the kids are receiving at church and home? Could I insist on certain boundaries with what we teach our kids. For example, it kind of bothers me the idea that she might be telling the kids… “I know this church is the only true church on the earth.” In my ideal world, we would both let our kids navigate their personal spiritual journeys… I would prefer to limit the instruction at home to the general principles of love your neighbor, honesty, intergrity, charity, etc. I would prefer to keep the dogmatic LDS stuff out of our home… I would also like to introduce my kids to some secular ideas on morality, as well as critical thinking, science, etc.
I’m certain that my wife would not like it if I told my kids, “I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Joseph Smith was not a prophet.” But that is the level of indoctrination that I am begin expected to tolerate. Is there a middle way that would allow me to share what I believe, without causing my kids to feel like they are being asked to choose between mom’s and dad’s beliefs?


(RESPONSES:)

Here is what has helped me navigate this minefield a little bit:
1) A few years ago I had a conversation with my wife about how bat it felt to find out all of the weird historical stuff… I told her that I didn’t want our kids to grow up and be surprised like I was. She agreed. This has been a gateway to us having a series of church history FHE’s…
2) I try to take one of my kids out one night a week… Iget to have some very good conversation on these nights. Of course, it also helps that my wife realizes that I have just as much right to share my thoughts with my kids as she does, so if she finds out that we discussed religion she doesn’t freak out or anything.
3) At this point, all of my kids normally attend church but are allowed to come home with me if they want after sacrament.

…What I decided (for my daughter) is to focus on making sure that she understands that leaders are fallible and that she is to trust herself and her instincts/knowledge/reason over their authority. My wife is on board with this, as she sees it as following the holy ghost over anything else. ..

This is a great topic. I posted the original question, and there were a lot of good responses. I believe the response you quoted here came from fetchface.

I did end up letting my wife know how much it bothers me to know that my kids are hearing grown-ups at church say "I know Joseph Smith was a true prophet." I think she gets it, and I think she refrains from using phrases like "I know" with our kids. But she still gets to spend hours each week indoctrinating the kids to believe in the church, when I'm basically expected to not say anything. So that's hard, but I'm willing to compromise this way for the health of the marriage. BUT, I do expect to be able to have honest conversations with my kids if they ever ask questions. And while I'll never go out of my way to convince them it isn't true, I'm not going to bite me tongue every time, either.

beetbox wrote: ↑Tue Feb 07, 2017 5:34 pmThis is a great topic. I posted the original question, and there were a lot of good responses. I believe the response you quoted here came from fetchface.

I did end up letting my wife know how much it bothers me to know that my kids are hearing grown-ups at church say "I know Joseph Smith was a true prophet." I think she gets it, and I think she refrains from using phrases like "I know" with our kids. But she still gets to spend hours each week indoctrinating the kids to believe in the church, when I'm basically expected to not say anything. So that's hard, but I'm willing to compromise this way for the health of the marriage. BUT, I do expect to be able to have honest conversations with my kids if they ever ask questions. And while I'll never go out of my way to convince them it isn't true, I'm not going to bite me tongue every time, either.

Good to know it was you - and thanks for asking that question - it helped me, and probably many others.

Yes, I think it's only fair that both can teach and parent their own kids. My husband and I have butted heads over this - but it seems to happen less often - mostly during conference time, when I correct something said. A couple of things I find myself repeating a lot (whispering in sacrament meeting, or after church) is "Take the best, leave the rest" and "Worship God, not people or a church."

Newme wrote: ↑Sun Feb 05, 2017 9:41 am Some have expressed a wish to have the content from the old NOM back. I found a few quotes I had copied and I’ll share. And if you find any – or have any thoughts that help us NOMs navigate our way in the most healthy ways possible, please share!

Ok, I didn't note the author's name - – so I’m not sure – could be some on this forum.
This topic is about what and how to teach our kids when our spouse believes differently...

“I’m so glad I have all you other NOMs to be a sounding board as I continue to navigate my situation. My thanks to all who take the time to read & respond to this.
I’m struggling with whether I should try instilling some of my own philosophical and spiritual views on my children. After some initial fallout after my disaffection, my wife and I are doing really well now… I participate in family prayer once an evening and at the dinner table, but that is about the extent of it. I’m hesitant to rock the boat right now.
My kids are 10, 7, and 3. They attend church every Sunday with my wife. They read from the Book of Mormon every morning before school. ..
My question for you all is, should I speak with my wife and let her know that I want the chance to balance some of the teachings the kids are receiving at church and home? Could I insist on certain boundaries with what we teach our kids. For example, it kind of bothers me the idea that she might be telling the kids… “I know this church is the only true church on the earth.” In my ideal world, we would both let our kids navigate their personal spiritual journeys… I would prefer to limit the instruction at home to the general principles of love your neighbor, honesty, intergrity, charity, etc. I would prefer to keep the dogmatic LDS stuff out of our home… I would also like to introduce my kids to some secular ideas on morality, as well as critical thinking, science, etc.
I’m certain that my wife would not like it if I told my kids, “I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Joseph Smith was not a prophet.” But that is the level of indoctrination that I am begin expected to tolerate. Is there a middle way that would allow me to share what I believe, without causing my kids to feel like they are being asked to choose between mom’s and dad’s beliefs?
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…What I decided (for my daughter) is to focus on making sure that she understands that leaders are fallible and that she is to trust herself and her instincts/knowledge/reason over their authority. My wife is on board with this, as she sees it as following the holy ghost over anything else. ..

This is excellent. The leaders are fallible, and I feel that is an excellent stand to take, as long as your wife isn't so indoctrinated that she goes nuclear on you. I think I would accept the LDS church, BS and all, if they just didn't try to indoctrinate people into the "Follow the Prophet, and your priesthood leaders" mantra. Heck, makes me wonder if they read their own essays.