Feeling a little lost.

[Emower]

I feel lost lately. I feel relatively well versed in the issues with Mormonism, it's truth claims, and it's epistemology. Which is to say in the words of The Donald, "its all a bunch of bunk."

I don't really know where to go from here? Do I take a deep dive into all the ins and outs of the top issues that bother me? Should I spend time to become an expert in some select subjects? Do I throw up my hands, go drink my first beer and try not to think about it anymore?
My wife still wants to attend, wear G's, attend the temple etc., so just trying to cut it out of my immediate life isn't an option right now. Although I did get her to admit the other day that she doesn't believe that prophets are always right and that includes Joseph. That is a step in the right direction.
Korihor mentioned in a post that polygamy is a fast way to get someone questioning. She comes from a polygamous family from the Mexican colonies that shared positive stories of polygamy and so that is a faith building thing for her, oddly enough.

I realize these are all questions only I can answer, but I feel kind of lost lately and this is the only place where people can understand that. It was so liberating to find the man behind the curtain. Now I am standing here, after all the fun of discovering new information is gone wondering where to go. I feel freed but chained at the same time. I feel a little like you do after a great party. The fun is over and now you are faced with the clean up.

[Anon70]

I felt this way after the anger left. Empty. But then I started thinking about how free I felt and focused on where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be going forward. It gets better.

[hiding in plain sight]

This whole journey of changing your worldview is full of a range of emotions.

Take your time. How you feel today is not how you will feel tomorrow or the next day.

I have been at this for more than 7 years now. Today is so much different than my first day of waking of or even my 365th day.

This world is such an amazing place and just the fact that we exist always brings awe to my heart.

I just finished having dinner with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. And not one of them was a mormon.

Just know that there is a big world out there outside of the small bubble of mormonism.

Now don't get me wrong. I am still an active mormon and have a nomish TBM spouse. So I am fully surrounded by believing mormons and have to play the game.


But the emotions do settle down.

This is a great place to express yourself. Keep doing that.

All the best.

[Corsair]

I don't really know where to go from here? Do I take a deep dive into all the ins and outs of the top issues that bother me? Should I spend time to become an expert in some select subjects? Do I throw up my hands, go drink my first beer and try not to think about it anymore?

Your idea to "throw up my hands, go drink my first beer and try not to think about it anymore" is a better idea than you know. I would not start with beer, but hear me out.

The LDS church has had a plan for your life since you were baptized. It was this long path of batism, priesthood, mission, temple marriage, have kids, serve in the church, start all your children on this path, serve in leadership, go on senior missions, and pay tithing up to the day you pass on. Is there any one of those items that you don't want to do any longer? More importantly, is there anything not on that list that you do want to do? Is there a big project or productive, interesting change you want in your life? You need to figure out what you actually want to do with your life and see if any parts of Mormonism still fit in that plan.

Don't try to be "Ex-Mormon". This will only annoy your wife and family unnecessarily. Being an expert on all the issues is OK as long as it is entertaining or interesting to yourself. But it is very rare that you will be in a situation where this is going to help you in a discussion with another Mormon or even your wife. Maybe you will get lucky, but I have cut down on a lot of LDS material and I'm currently working through a history of the Roman Empire instead.

Remove one piece of LDS culture and replace it with something you really do want to work on. If you can negotiate out of attending some or all of church then do that and find something productive and interesting to do instead. Stop reading scripture and start reading Marcus Aurelius, Carl Sagan, and Sam Harris. Stop paying tithing and start funding your 401k at a higher level. Stop worrying about Sabbath Day restrictions and start going to a gym or to the movies. Start skipping garment tops and put on a normal T-shirt instead. Turn down a calling at church that simply does not appeal to you. Go to Starbucks and try a Caramel Frappuccino or Hazelnut Macchiato.

No doubt your wife wants the LDS lifestyle. It's not all bad, but remember that it is the church's job to prove why it is such a compelling set of beliefs and activities. It's not your job to justify why you want to do these things. Notice that I did not recommend anything that would be illegal or immoral. The only real restrictions that you should definitely retain from Mormonism would be basic kindness and being faithful to your spouse. Beyond that the church is in the unenviable position to explain why it should remain front and center in your life.

[No Tof]

I can't add any better advice then has been given but just want to say that the lost feeling doesn't last forever or even that long, as you begin to make decisions about what you want to do with your life.

Get your curious on about what all our fellow humans are doing with their lives and see the world as a friend rather than "babylon the evil". This was a big help for me.

If you are happy in your marriage, and want it to be loving and good, then be cautious about rocking her boat with your new found understanding of life.

This can be an enriching exciting time. Best to you as you discover the good out there.

[Emower]

I don't really know where to go from here? Do I take a deep dive into all the ins and outs of the top issues that bother me? Should I spend time to become an expert in some select subjects? Do I throw up my hands, go drink my first beer and try not to think about it anymore?

Don't try to be "Ex-Mormon". This will only annoy your wife and family unnecessarily. Being an expert on all the issues is OK as long as it is entertaining or interesting to yourself. But it is very rare that you will be in a situation where this is going to help you in a discussion with another Mormon or even your wife. Maybe you will get lucky, but I have cut down on a lot of LDS material and I'm currently working through a history of the Roman Empire instead.

Good point, thanks.

[Newme]

I don't really know where to go from here? Do I take a deep dive into all the ins and outs of the top issues that bother me? Should I spend time to become an expert in some select subjects? Do I throw up my hands, go drink my first beer and try not to think about it anymore?

I remember feeling that way - very lost. As if someone pulled the rug out from under me - everything I believed in and invested so much in, wasn't what I thought it was.

My passion now is still a principle from Mormonism: to embrace "truth wherever it's found." I really got into philosophy - which helped me to think better - to sort out ideas and know when someone's bs'ing me because they're engaging in logical fallacy or cognitive distortion. One year, my goal was to learn about healing arts - and I came to realize that most of them are based on placebo effect, except Chinese medicine acupuncture/acupressure. The placebo effect, itself, is fascinating to me! I've seen it work with myself - I've seen how thoughts (and related e-motions) can literally affect my physiology. I've studied Carl Jung, who saw no dividing line between psychology and spirituality. A couple of good books that helped change how I saw things were "The Power of Now" -Tolle and "Putting on the Mind of Christ" - Marion. Essentially, I've been looking for any truths that would help me love myself and others better.

I like how you're trying to include your wife on your journey - keep doing so. I hope the best for you!

[Dravin]

I feel lost lately. I feel relatively well versed in the issues with Mormonism, it's truth claims, and it's epistemology. Which is to say in the words of The Donald, "its all a bunch of bunk."

I don't really know where to go from here? Do I take a deep dive into all the ins and outs of the top issues that bother me? Should I spend time to become an expert in some select subjects?

To what end? For some delving into these things is a bit of a healing experience, for others it just inflames an already raw wound, for yet others it's a step to becoming the ultimate NOM/Exmormon missionary.

Do I throw up my hands, go drink my first beer and try not to think about it anymore? Although I did get her to admit the other day that she doesn't believe that prophets are always right and that includes Joseph. That is a step in the right direction.

If you can, mentally, indeed throw your hands up and just let it go I think an argument could be made for it being a healthy thing. Of course, it's only healing if you can indeed let it go, pretending to let it go while it eats you up inside isn't healing it's denial.

My wife still wants to attend, wear G's, attend the temple etc., so just trying to cut it out of my immediate life isn't an option right now.

Speaking for myself, I decided early on if I was okay if the wife was always TBM. Deciding that you aren't is the NOM/Exmormon mirror of the TBM always waiting, watching, and hoping, and looking for signs that the apostate spouse is on the way to returning. Now I can't say I wouldn't be thrilled if my wife came to me and shared with me that she no longer believed in the church, but I decided I really didn't want to make contentment and happiness dependent on that conversation happening.

[Newme]

Speaking for myself, I decided early on if I was okay if the wife was always TBM. Deciding that you aren't is the NOM/Exmormon mirror of the TBM always waiting, watching, and hoping, and looking for signs that the apostate spouse is on the way to returning. Now I can't say I wouldn't be thrilled if my wife came to me and shared with me that she no longer believed in the church, but I decided I really didn't want to make contentment and happiness dependent on that conversation happening.

I like that. I need to apply that - to let go of the unrealistic hope of changing anybody. Love 'em "as is."

[document]

This whole journey of changing your worldview is full of a range of emotions.

Take your time. How you feel today is not how you will feel tomorrow or the next day.

I have been at this for more than 7 years now. Today is so much different than my first day of waking of or even my 365th day.

This world is such an amazing place and just the fact that we exist always brings awe to my heart.

I just finished having dinner with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. And not one of them was a mormon.

Just know that there is a big world out there outside of the small bubble of mormonism.

Now don't get me wrong. I am still an active mormon and have a nomish TBM spouse. So I am fully surrounded by believing mormons and have to play the game.


But the emotions do settle down.

This is a great place to express yourself. Keep doing that.

All the best.

I am quoting this for emphasis. Brilliantly put and I completely agree with it. I've been at it for 9 years myself and this is a perfect reflection of me.