NOM

One of the concerns I had as I saw my kids leaving the church and when I started to go down the NOM path, was the moral value foundation that the church provided. It was only after my eyes were opened and I had knowledge that I realized the church's way was not the right way. I found that my kids and I could have moral values outside the Mormon indoctrination and it was actually much better. It didn't have all the guilt and mental baggage associated with it that can actually be harmful, especially to kids.

I think one of the reasons some stay in the church, even if they don't believe the truth claims, is because they want their kids to get that moral education that they won't get in public school. There are many other reasons as well, especially social ones, when living in a high percentage LDS community. Even that one can be questionable. A friend of mine lives in a 98% LDS community in happy valley; they left the church and their kids still thrive socially with no apparent issues.

Back to the moral education via indoctrination topic. I think the damage caused by the indoctrination and steering kids away from critical thinking is much greater than any benefit they may get in the moral education the church has to offer. I really liked this video on YouTube, "Moral Grooming" that discusses these issues.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlbUw5hjeKI

My youngest is now 15 and we still have standards for how she dresses and behaves, explaining the social consequences for immoral behavior, but it's no longer tethered with guilt and hell-fire damnation. It's more about common sense, self respect and respect for others. Also, minimizing the drama of close emotional relationships in Jr. High and HS. Our older kids are all out of the church and seem to be doing just fine, no signs of making and selling porn movies, etc. There's just a lot less stress and more happiness in our lives now.

You NOMs out there, what do you think? Is the moral education the church offers a good reason to stay active or do you think you are better off teaching these principals to your kids yourself?

I have been thinking through this recently as well...mostly in preparation to convince my wife that the church doesn't have a monopoly on moral teachings. If we stay and raise our kids in it I worry about the confusion they would feel as we try to undo/correct half of what they hear at church every week. In some ways it seems like halfway in could be more damaging.

The biggest value I see in the church is the community of good people for support, especially for kids growing up. I worry about where they would find good friends and eventually a spouse with similar commitment and values. I hope this kind of thinking is leftover TBM confusion...

I guess if you buy into the church's message, the uniformity they get at church would be valuable. But I think that anyone who is not quite sure that they like what the church has to offer would be better off handling it on their own. I agree with the thought that anything which steers one away from critical thinking is not good.

Above all I would like to foster a respect for other people in my kids. I think that will be really hard to do inside the church where despite all the preaching to the contrary, we judge other peoples sinful lives or at least pity their ignorance of gospel truths.