NOM

Over the last year or so I have gradually shifted from PIMO to something more like ATSSBUTOI: Attending To Support Spouse But Otherwise Inactive.

I've stopped acquiescing to keep up appearances in the ward. I've turned down talk invitations cold, and nipped "conversations to explore a potential calling" in the bud. I've declined to renew my temple recommend and felt great about it.

But this past week was another milestone that I feel unexpectedly at peace about. Spouse still pays tithing on her earnings, but I haven't paid in years. Obviously ward leadership could check this and know something was up, but we've managed to dodge tithing settlement, sorry, "declaration" for the past few years, due to holiday travel and general busyness.

But this year we got a new bishop with a new executive secretary, and they seem to be much more keen to hunt down everyone's declaration. We avoided a meeting again (though spouse did try to sign up for a time). But finally the bishop personally sent a text to get our declarations.

I'm tired of lying and dodging and trying to maintain PIMOhood, so this time I told spouse that I was going to tell Bishop to mark me as non-paying, and that was that. She's marked full, I'm marked non, and I feel proud to have that on the record. I have no ethical problem misrepresenting myself to a church that misrepresents itself and sticks its tentacles where they have no business being. But there is something freeing about stating the truth about oneself, without justification or explanation.

I have seen a difference in how some people in the ward treat me as I've made these changes, trying to grab me for small talk before I ditch second hour, or telling me "it's great to see you, brother sparky!" when they've made no actual effort to get to know me. But I've given up on the idea of making any real friends at church, and luckily I live in a region where that doesn't really matter because there are 100,000 humans in the ward boundaries and only a hundred or so go to Mormon church.

Congratulations! The church wants your time and money. It's very freeing to put a stake in the ground for those things and declare that they will get no more from you.

sparky wrote: ↑Tue Dec 17, 2024 9:00 am ... or telling me "it's great to see you, brother sparky!" when they've made no actual effort to get to know me.

Boy, I remember that phase! For me it was after I stopped attending priesthood meeting.

"We miss you, brother!"

"I don't know why. I haven't gone anywhere."

Congrats sparky! Openly being your good, ATSSBUTOI, non-tithe paying self is quite satisfying. It's sad and amusing to see people try to fit you into their worldview.

I occasionally bump into people in my ward at the corner convenience store when I get a morning coffee. At first it was very uncomfortable, but now it's just a normal day and I'll smile, say hi, and go on my way.

I stopped attending the annual shakedown a few years back. This was one of my big shelf items. I got tired of the audacity of the church to make people declare they have paid the multi-billion dollar corporation 10% of their earnings. It feels like a mafia shakedown.

Congrats!

It really does get easier to participate at your own pace.

It seems this year there was extra efforts made to reach out and get people in to declare their status.

Normally we just don’t go and let whatever the bishop reports suffice. We simply don’t care why they report on our behalf.

Yet this year we got a text, which we responded to and didn’t hear anything back. Then the other guy started calling and emailing and texting. We ignored it all.

The emails kept coming until last week.

There clearly was a push to get people in.

I think donations are down across the church base.