NOM

As a believer my ingroup was Mormons, and my outgroup was "the world". There was a grey area for bad-acting mormons and good-acting not mormons. A big part of my faith transition was realizing that my values didn't align with my ingroup, I started seeing "them" among "us".

I still haven't discovered a large group that I can claim as my ingroup, it just seems to shrink further and further. This is a problem. Ideally I could find a way to expand my ingroup to include everyone, rather than exclude everyone...

I think this is something Rueben would have interesting comments about, but he no longer visits because he felt outgrouped by us and responded by outgrouping us.

I don't remember whether it was on NOM or elsewhere that someone recently said that we as humans have a desire for community but in recent years many have had to settle for merely being part of an audience instead of a true community.

While I don't think I ever totally fit in with Mormons even at my most active, that group was close enough for a good part of my life. I've found that the best I can hope for is to find other communities that are close enough. Even that can be a challenge.

And I guess there are always points where community (often good) overlaps with tribalism (often bad).

Also,

I always have warm thoughts regarding the kindness and service orientation of Mormons. As individuals they are A-okay.

moksha wrote: ↑Fri Nov 03, 2023 2:25 pm I always have warm thoughts regarding the kindness and service orientation of Mormons. As individuals they are A-okay.

I'll have to go along with moksa. Most of the Mormons I've rubbed shoulders with in regards to serving others is heartwarming.

When I'm with good ones, it feels like home. These are the ones who don't mind referring to Mormons as Mormons...good grief....and I'd say they are the the common folk. Not to be trite, but they are the ones who feel good when they do good things and do not feel good when they don't and they are mature enough to know the difference.

Gatorbait wrote: ↑Sun Nov 05, 2023 1:47 pm [I'll have to go along with moksa.

They are the Bishop Graeys and the Ma and Pa Kettles of Mormonism. They are throughout the Church and constitute its major truth. They should be recognized and treasured.

There are healthy, and unhealthy relashionships.

Codependent, controlling, 100% all-in sheeple =conformity

Interdependent, healthy self-reliance, respectful - independent thought.

I think healthy relashionships require some percentage of being independent, not fully agreeing. It's a transition, a different connection to others.

Linked wrote: ↑Fri Nov 03, 2023 12:15 pm...
I still haven't discovered a large group that I can claim as my ingroup, it just seems to shrink further and further. This is a problem. Ideally I could find a way to expand my ingroup to include everyone, rather than exclude everyone...
...

US: Humans.

THEM: ??? Aliens?


Unfortunately, us humans have a hard time considering all humans as our ingroup.

moksha wrote: ↑Fri Nov 03, 2023 2:25 pm I always have warm thoughts regarding the kindness and service orientation of Mormons. As individuals they are A-okay.

Similarly, I always have warm thoughts regarding old sci-fi films with giant ants.

Ghost wrote: ↑Fri Nov 03, 2023 1:51 pm I don't remember whether it was on NOM or elsewhere that someone recently said that we as humans have a desire for community but in recent years many have had to settle for merely being part of an audience instead of a true community.

While I don't think I ever totally fit in with Mormons even at my most active, that group was close enough for a good part of my life. I've found that the best I can hope for is to find other communities that are close enough. Even that can be a challenge.

And I guess there are always points where community (often good) overlaps with tribalism (often bad).

Also,

Hahaha, I wasn't sure if anyone else had seen this, glad to see you got to enjoy this movie too!

When I was in, I felt a deeply satisfying connection to the community despite the inconsistencies of belief all around me. It seems that it may be impossible to replicate without the rose-colored glasses I used to have.

moksha wrote: ↑Fri Nov 03, 2023 2:25 pm I always have warm thoughts regarding the kindness and service orientation of Mormons. As individuals they are A-okay.

I struggle to overlook the ulterior motive behind the kindness. They may deny it, even to themselves, but it's so core to being mormon that it would be a miracle if it weren't there. And I find that ulterior motive uglier than the kindness is beautiful.

Growing up out East there was a community center with a pool. At this gathering place neighbors would meet to discuss local issues, hold parties, or enjoy each others' talents.
There was even a time that our church building in Virginia was abandoned because there was a disease in the air ducts. We had to meet in a school instead.
I arrived at an understanding why church buildings are not used as community centers, as they are considered to be sacred gathering places.
Recently I have described a college to gather "them" among "us."