NOM

Welcome to the Tuesday Podcast Club!

TPC is an idea patterned after Book Club. Here’s how it works. Each Tuesday, someone introduces a podcast that they would like everyone to listen to and then we all discuss.

For this week’s Podcast Club, we are going to listen to:

Episode 143: Get Used to Disappointment | A Conversation with Dr. Julie Hanks

https://atlastshesaidit.org/episode-143 ... lie-hanks/

1. What did you like about the episode?
2. What did you learn from the episode?
3. What experiences have you had with disappointment?

Interesting Choice of Podcast. I'm just starting to listen to it.

I'm in - I'll listen tomorrow while everyone is at school and report back.

Great idea and recommendation, RR! This was good timing for me as I have recently disappointed DW by not renewing my temple recommend. Here's what I learned from the podcast:

• I liked the premise of the discussion, a line from Julie Hanks: Your job as a adult is to disappoint others. This is because if you are being yourself, living from within, then you will violate the hopes/expectations that others have for you. It is inevitable that their expectations will not always line up with your needs and preferences

• The ability to be okay with disappointing others is a skill that can be learned and exercised and improved. The way to get better at it is to do it more.

• In life there is your business, other people's business and God's business (I'm atheist so I just interpret this as things that are outside anyone's control--disasters, deaths, the cultural forces you're born into, etc.) When you try to impose yourself on things that are not your business, you cause pain, in yourself and others. You aren't responsible for managing other people's feelings. They are. This is a big one for me, a concept I have had to learn as an adult and that I'm still trying to grasp and practice.

• The primary challenge in relationships is recognizing and navigating the line between your business and their business. How do we find this line? Dr. Hanks suggests when we are self-betraying (doing things that violate our values or sense of self) in order to avoid disappointing the other person in the relationship, this is crossing the line.

The podcast made me want to learn a bit more about disappointing others, and I found this insightful article about it: Don't Miss the Point of Disappointment. It points out that avoiding disappointment actually has a negative effect on relationships, and embracing and exploring it can help you grow closer and understand each other better.

This was a podcast that I needed to hear. I'm a man, so the point of view is a little different. In any case, I'm also a people-pleaser. I need to get better at disappointing others and being ok with it. It was also painful to hear, because I know I am guilty of using my disappointment to manipulate others. I have a lot to process.

Best part: "Do not give advice unless you are asked for it."

I recommend Ear Hustle, Season 1

https://www.earhustlesq.com/episodes/2017/6/14/cellies

This podcast was an interesting one to me because it both resonates with me obviously being in a position where I feel like I'm disappointing in any areas connected to the church, but also frustrating because it's really difficult for me to be 'OK' disappointing others.

I think that's a constant struggle when you're in a mixed faith situation whether it's marriage or just with your family - you want to be able to kind of speak freely or do things that are 'normal' to 99.8% of the world, and yet you feel like if you do that not only will you disappoint your family, but you could sever that relationship in the process.

Definitely one to think about - I feel like it's great advice in theory, but much trickier in practice.

This was the podcast I found most interesting this week. The moral of this story is that following some aspects of Mormonism can make your family dysfunctional.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VXaNZ89Yhc&t=1s
8 Passengers Ruby Franke and "Therapist" Jodi Hildebrandt Arrested - The Mormon Angle

I wonder if RR suggested this because I have been struggling with being honest with my wife and kids about some things--such as drinking coffee, watching R rated movies and considering trying alcohol. Anyway, I listened to this podcast and it makes me wonder if some of us who have lost our faith do things behind our spouses back and then are found out about it later and/or if some of us make such desires known before doing them. They didn't really get that specific I didn't think. But here's a question, is it better for us to let our spouses or family know that we're going to do something that is somewhat forbidden by the church beforehand or do it without them knowing and perhaps confess it to them later?

stuck wrote: ↑Tue Sep 05, 2023 12:22 pm But here's a question, is it better for us to let our spouses or family know that we're going to do something that is somewhat forbidden by the church beforehand or do it without them knowing and perhaps confess it to them later?

See Zadok’s rule.

NEVER CONFESS!

Don’t lie to your spouse about insignificant items like coffee, tea, and alcohol. When they find out or you did later confess, then it only leads to mistrust and wonder what else you’re hiding.

Best advice, just be open and have a conversation. Blowing up your marriage isn’t worth hiding a few $3 beer.

Mayan_Elephant wrote: ↑Mon Sep 04, 2023 5:45 am I recommend Ear Hustle, Season 1

https://www.earhustlesq.com/episodes/2017/6/14/cellies

Awesome! This can be the next podcast for this week’s Tuesday Podcast Club!

I struggle with the word “disappoint”. In being my authentic self, I am not taking assertive action to impose anything negative on those around me, but because of the indoctrination they have, they will inflict disappointment on themselves. If I drink a beer, it causes no harm to my TBM family if they don’t know. I’m not open with most people about my disbelief in the Mormon church because really it does no harm to let them live in their bubble, and I can still be myself.

moksha wrote: ↑Mon Sep 04, 2023 5:56 pm This was the podcast I found most interesting this week. The moral of this story is that following some aspects of Mormonism can make your family dysfunctional.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VXaNZ89Yhc&t=1s
8 Passengers Ruby Franke and "Therapist" Jodi Hildebrandt Arrested - The Mormon Angle

Yeah, this has made the International news. So many podcasts about this. It is a spotlight on the dark underbelly of fundamental religions.

moksha wrote: ↑Thu Sep 07, 2023 9:40 am

moksha wrote: ↑Mon Sep 04, 2023 5:56 pm This was the podcast I found most interesting this week. The moral of this story is that following some aspects of Mormonism can make your family dysfunctional.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VXaNZ89Yhc&t=1s
8 Passengers Ruby Franke and "Therapist" Jodi Hildebrandt Arrested - The Mormon Angle

Yeah, this has made the International news. So many podcasts about this. It is a spotlight on the dark underbelly of fundamental religions.

It is shocking what those kids had to live through. I'm watching Natasha Helfer break down what she saw in the videos. There were so many bad actions over the years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CI4506gF-eM

blazerb wrote: ↑Thu Sep 07, 2023 10:49 am It is shocking what those kids had to live through. I'm watching Natasha Helfer break down what she saw in the videos. There were so many bad actions over the years.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CI4506gF-eM

I watched the Mormon Stories podcast with her niece this afternoon. Jodi Hildebrandt is a monster and it was shocking how much power she had with Church authorities and Mormon families. The St. George police will allow the niece to reopen her abuse case against Jodi. I think that was the most-watched episode of Mormon Stories ever since its appeal extends way beyond Mormonism.

Just catching up with Tuesday podcast club

Dr. Juile Hanks is amazing! I find I'm disappointing my teenager all the time. She had some great ways to frame things.

That 8 Passengers thing. What. The. F-ck!!! I didn't think it was going to be as dramatic as it turned out to be. Those poor, sweet little kids.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Tue Sep 05, 2023 1:57 pm

Mayan_Elephant wrote: ↑Mon Sep 04, 2023 5:45 am I recommend Ear Hustle, Season 1

https://www.earhustlesq.com/episodes/2017/6/14/cellies

Awesome! This can be the next podcast for this week’s Tuesday Podcast Club!

There are a few things that stood out to me about this podcast.

The sound was good. No, really, I have turned off a lot of podcasts because the sound was irritating.

The characters have personality. I like that. The characters are being respectful. I feel like so many podcasts are about blaming and shaming. Everything is like the cooking shows where someone has to be criticized and mocked and chopped.

Also. Well, my friend's son was in SQ when some of this was produced. My friend is a RS president now, and yes, her son was in SQ. He was killed on the streets in the Bay Area recently. It was tragic. I was talking to my friends about it. And they said, when their son was in jail at SQ, they worried about him less than when he was out. That fascinated me. How in the hell could that be true. So, I wanted to understand that and listened to this podcast. I learned a lot. I might even change some of my opinions. Who knows, really?

Mayan_Elephant wrote: ↑Mon Sep 04, 2023 5:45 am I recommend Ear Hustle, Season 1

https://www.earhustlesq.com/episodes/2017/6/14/cellies

I loved listening to this podcast, but it's hard for me to say why. I loved hearing these stories.

blazerb wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2023 4:38 am

Mayan_Elephant wrote: ↑Mon Sep 04, 2023 5:45 am I recommend Ear Hustle, Season 1

https://www.earhustlesq.com/episodes/2017/6/14/cellies

I loved listening to this podcast, but it's hard for me to say why. I loved hearing these stories.

I believe what you said is the why. It is stories about real people.

Ya know which story had me scratching my head though? The one about the dude that busted out and was on the run for 8 years. That one had me laughing a bit and bouncing between empathy and disgust.