I've happily settled into "Spiritual but not affiliated", leaning towards our own interconnectedness as the divine force or energy (rather than higher power). I've traded what I now see as an unhealthy co-dependent community for exploring and nurturing inner spirituality and connection to a bigger picture - nature, humanism, enjoying the multi-cultural diversity of all the traditions without the need to adhere to the tenets of any particular religion or faith tradition. Simply put, I've fallen in love with not-affiliated, with the free nomadic life.
I needed to put a word to it - what was wrong with religious communities in general. I think I found the word.
That word, is codependent. That community they are always bragging about? it isn't healthy.
Codependency is a term used to describe a pattern of behavior in which a person puts the needs of others before their own to an extent that it becomes unhealthy and dysfunctional. Codependent individuals tend to rely on others for their sense of self-worth, validation, and identity, often to the point of neglecting their own needs and desires.
Codependency can manifest in a variety of ways, but some common traits include:
- An excessive need to please others
Difficulty setting boundaries and saying "no"
Feeling responsible for others' emotions and well-being
Low self-esteem and self-worth
Difficulty expressing one's own needs and desires
Difficulty with intimacy and forming healthy relationships
A tendency to become enmeshed in other people's problems and dramas
Codependency often develops in response to growing up in an environment where a person's emotional needs were not met, such as in a family with addiction, abuse, or neglect. Therapy and support groups can help individuals with codependency learn how to develop healthy boundaries, improve self-esteem, and form more balanced relationships.
The opposite of codependent - a community where members are able to find themselves.
- Equity - not male hierarchy
Diverse, inclusive, dare I say "woke".
respect, healthy boundaries
support, honest communication, listen to one another (not listen to book or manual)
collaboration (not servant/master - mutual 2-way collaboration between equals, no one-way preaching)
inner spirituality - authenticity - defining one's own values. generating harmony and peace from within (not dependent on others for peace). personal Meaning, Purpose. Empowered. Self-reliant. Resilient.
Ownership - "I" am the Creator of my own life.
They say people at different stages hate one another, but I am learning a mindset of just rationalizing it as - they are at a different stage. I don't get angry at someone with dementia, or get angry at someone who is Catholic/JW/Muslim/Jew - or even Mormon, they are all starting to blur together for me now... and I am seeing, the others - the other non-affiliated. I saw them in the grocery store today (shopping on Sunday), I see them on the trails, I see them at school - these beautiful, often quiet, peace-filled, non-affiliated, no-agendas, independent down-to-earth people and I am doing what I can to become one of them.
Happy Sunday NOMies.