NOM

Dear Nommies,

This is your Heavenly Mommy speaking. I’ve been meaning to tell you how proud I am of you all. You really handled General Conference well considering some of the crazy talks and onerous ideas. I continue to whisper in my husbands ear, that he should remove a few of them from church leadership, only to be reminded that they are in for life. To remove them now, would mean they would be called home.

And frankly (between us Nommies), I don’t think I’m ready for Elder Oaks and Rasband to return to their heavenly home. I’ve turned their bedroom into a sewing room. You should see the temple dresses I’m working on! When they’re done, Hulk my white bearded…I mean, uh… Heavenly Father will reveal them to the Prophet, who will then reveal them to you all. Probably through the news room. Yes, probably as a policy adjustment. Damn it. I get so tired of the silly games Russ is playing. I’ve tried to talk to him so many times but he just won’t listen to me. Hell, I’ve had to get Wendy to do a few things for me. Buying that light pen has really paid off. Isn’t she wonderful?

Anyway, I wanted to remind you all that even though you’ve left your beliefs at the door of apostasy, continue to mock all that is sacred, and never hang my picture on the walls of your home….you are loved! As a mother, it will always be my duty to remind you of the pure unconditional love that I as your Heavenly Mother have for you.

As some of you know “Live, Laugh, Love” used to be my go to phrase until Hobby Lobby sold the shit out of it. Oopsie, excuse my potty mouth. The mantra is the same so I’ll keep it simple. Be kind to each other. Love wins. You all are beautiful people.

I love reading your little corner of the internet. Sometimes I catch Heavenly Father reading it too. Strangely enough, it’s always when I walk into his office unexpectedly as if he was browsing something else. Anyone know what NSFH means?

As your Mother in heaven, I wish you well. Stay positive, stay strong, stay alive! …and don’t you dare copy that Hobby Lobby!

LOL. As always, love your posts Re...er, HM.

Do so hang her picture. I have a Native American version, a Polynesian version, a black version, and a Caucasian version hung in a group. And my Gaia statue got too badly weathered, so I don’t have my garden statue any more, but I am looking for a replacement.

As some of you know “Live, Laugh, Love” used to be my go to phrase until Hobby Lobby sold the shit out of it. Oopsie, excuse my potty mouth. The mantra is the same so I’ll keep it simple. Be kind to each other. Love wins. You all are beautiful people.

I love reading your little corner of the internet. Sometimes I catch Heavenly Father reading it too. Strangely enough, it’s always when I walk into his office unexpectedly as if he was browsing something else. Anyone know what NSFH means?

Thanks, Mom !
Seriously, I think that Hobby Lobby should be selling images of you, perhaps dressed in a pastel robe and looking like Selena Gomez. Or, you could be kneeling in a forest, with the sun spotlighting you in a recreation of the Sacred Grove painting. All sorts of possibilities. Big box crafts stores like Hobby Lobby, Joanns, and Michaels are a second home to Molly Mo's, as one can never have enough scrapbooking supplies, Cricut machines, wreaths for every season, and all of the other dust-catching sh** - er, I mean items that they sell. I bet if you signed a contract with them to license your image, then you could make a fortune and wouldn't have to stay hidden any more. - Wndr.

Hey Heavenly Mommie,

Could you find us a good substitute for the word Mormon? BTW, what do you think of the idea that Mormon is a "devil word?" Sounds a bit crazy, right?

BTW2, do you and the hubby have a favorite Marvel movie?

Thanks a bunch,

Moksha

Ahhh mom! You always had a much better sense of humor than dad.

moksha wrote: ↑Wed Apr 13, 2022 1:49 am Hey Heavenly Mommie,

Could you find us a good substitute for the word Mormon? BTW, what do you think of the idea that Mormon is a "devil word?" Sounds a bit crazy, right?

BTW2, do you and the hubby have a favorite Marvel movie?

Thanks a bunch,

Moksha

My lovely Penguin! I’m so happy to hear from you. How’s your daughter doing? To answer your query… Our best and brightest interns on the 15th floor of the COB are continuing to test new names. Celestial Servants sounds too cultish. The Saints was too boring and Saintz was too hip hop! I suggested MorMom… get it? More Mom! More Heavenly Mother. Yes it’s self serving but the members of this church need more women leaders, more loving compassion and more nurture. Keep my sayings outta your Fu***ng mouth Hobby Lobby! Oppose, potty mouth again. Where’s my swear jar?

Favorite Marvel movie was Kaptain Kolob: The first avenger. Your Heavenly Father and I like to snuggle on the couch Sunday nights. Kaptain Kolob: Civil War is good too. However it reminds us of the war in heaven when Jesus and Stan fought in our house all those years ago. My fine china dishes got busted up and HF lost his temperament banishing Stan forever from our presence. It’s made movie night a bit lonely but we supplement our loneliness with buttery microwave popcorn. I have to remind your father in heaven how to use the microwave. Sometimes he tries to snap his finger but often burns it or on a few occasions has caused an earthquake in San Francisco. That always gets his rampant crazy Christian followers to think he’s punishing the gays! I’m just rambling now. I gotta go check my Facebook account, run by the celestial nursery and check on the soon to be born babies, and then read up on this weeks RS lesson.

PS: Wonder I love your ideas and love reading your posts on NOM. If you were an active member of the church, I’d totally make you the General Relief Society President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saintz (I love hip hop too )

PSS: Stealth give your wife a hug for me. Tell her she will always be loved regardless of her church attendance. She’d make a great friend to Wonder.

PSSS: alas, your garden is my screen saver on my celestial iPad.

Love to all,
Heavenly Mother

Hey Mom,

What kind of honey-dos do you expect from Dad?

Does he stick you with all of the cloud vacuuming and robe washing? Does he take out the trash, and if so, where does he take it? Do spirit babies require diaper changes?

Did you make him clean up the mess when Superboy toilet-papered your house?

Hagoth wrote: ↑Wed Apr 13, 2022 11:33 am Hey Mom,

What kind of honey-dos do you expect from Dad?

Does he stick you with all of the cloud vacuuming and robe washing? Does he take out the trash, and if so, where does he take it? Do spirit babies require diaper changes?

Did you make him clean up the mess when Superboy toilet-papered your house?

He’s a busy God, Hagoth. Always planning famines, pestilence, trials and tribulations. You know, the standard stuff you read in the Old Testament.

As for cleaning and diaper changes, I don’t want to emphasize too much due to the sensitive nature of our eternal roles in the great plan if happiness, yeah even the plan of salvation. I’m sure you understand it wouldn’t be fair to all of my sister wives to discuss their eternal duties. Let’s just say (it pays to be wife #1) be valiant in your mortal existence. I’ll use this moment to teach all the young ladies reading this. If you’re attending BYU consider accepting every date requested of you. It would be a shame to miss out on the eternal joys of celestial marriage and end up a sister wive later on. There’s a lot of babies up here and their diapers are nasty since we switched over to formula.

Do you suppose all of our heavenly mothers (sister wives) look exactly the same like father and Jesus do?

2bizE wrote: ↑Wed Apr 13, 2022 8:42 pm Do you suppose all of our heavenly mothers (sister wives) look exactly the same like father and Jesus do?

Based on the Polygamy Palace™ movies (now slide-shows) YES!

White togas, and bright white hair-helmets with not a hair out of place. I wonder if the mums have to use Celestial Hair Spray to get the perfect helmet?

Let us know Mama RR.

wtfluff wrote: ↑Wed Apr 13, 2022 9:08 pm

2bizE wrote: ↑Wed Apr 13, 2022 8:42 pm Do you suppose all of our heavenly mothers (sister wives) look exactly the same like father and Jesus do?

Based on the Polygamy Palace™ movies (now slide-shows) YES!

So did they standardize on the Jessica Alba or Scarlett Johansson model?

PS: Wonder I love your ideas and love reading your posts on NOM. If you were an active member of the church, I’d totally make you the General Relief Society President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saintz (I love hip hop too )

My dear RR - HM! !! You are SUCH a sweet spirit, and I imagine you make the most delicious funeral potatoes and lime jello salad in the universe, or at least your section of the galaxy/Kolob. I so appreciate your advocacy of abandoning those itchy, hot, uncomfortable undies, which make our clothes look like heck and force the menfolk to wear "jorts" or cargo pants all summer. Thank you for your brilliant satirical writing skills, and thanks to so many here for brightening my day. Blessings to you all, (Wndr)