NOM

Has anyone else felt a huge reduction in their church induced anxiety?

I’m wondering if it’s because COVID shut down attendance for awhile and things have been slow getting back.

Personally for me, I got out of having any callings and have only been back 2-3 times since. My bishop seems to leave me alone and somehow he thinks Im nervous to come back due to pandemic health reasons.

The triggers for me aren’t there anymore. Skipped tithing settlement for the 4th year in a row. Enjoy Sunday’s now more than ever.

No future ordinances or temple weddings on the horizon over the next year or two at best.

Other family members are dealing with their children leaving the church after high school. They can’t seem to explain it other than total disinterest and apathy.

Maybe I’ve made it out the other side and I just don’t realize it.

Does that mean I’m INACTIVE??? gasp

LUCKY!!1!1

Yes, I haven’t been to church in about a year….my anxiety is much lower now….in fact, it has lowered to apathy.

I don’t know if it was anxiety, but before COVID hit I felt like I was suffocating at church.

It wasn’t because of the workload or the callings, but because of the patriarchal structure and doctrine of the church and how it affects women.

Around 2015/2016 after having my second daughter I had an urge to protect my daughters. All these years growing up where I had been blind to how differently the girls were treated than the boys suddenly reared its ugly head.

My shelf started to collect many issues—most of which were gender based.

2020 came and I had been in YW for a couple of years. Every Sunday I have to sit in a congregation and watch men lead. I have to be reminded that I don’t belong up there unless I have a special invite to give speak or participate in a musical number. Then YW activities always have a priesthood holder present or nearby. Occasionally, someone form the Bishopric teaches the YW a lesson or sits in on a lesson. I’m told that it’s to show support, but I can’t help but feel that it’s a reminder that we must remember that we are beneath the priesthood. If it was for support, then why don’t we send one of the YW presidency to teach a YM lesson or sit in to show support. As I stated I was suffocating.

Then COVID hit and I was relieved. Relieved that I didn’t have to go to church to be reminded of my place.

I decided to start reading about items that bothered me. I read D&C 132. I then followed up by reading everything I could on the church website about it. That thoroughly broke me.

Now that we are back in person I am hanging by a thread. It’s worse than it was pre-COVID. I have put boundaries in place, but don’t know how much longer I can attend. I don’t believe in it anymore. Any of it. In fact, I thought I could possibly have faith in Christ and God, but the ramifications of LDS doctrine and history is slowly snuffing that out.