I may have influenced a BYU essay resulting in admittance.
Posted: Mon Dec 27, 2021 7:57 pm
This happened last year but a conversation over the holidays sparked the memory.
My niece applied for entrance to BYU in Provo.
She’s middle of the road in regards to grades, extra curricular activities, etc. Nothing extraordinary other than she was chosen to come to earth in these latter days. Was valiant in the war in heaven. Probable a noble one. Who knows for sure, we were all taught that, right?
She applied for BYU last year.
I offered to proof read her entrance essays and provide professional feedback.
They were mediocre at best. Routine at worst.
Beehive secretary.
Mia Maid 2nd counselor.
Laurel 1st counselor. (or whatever the new label is for the 16 -18 year old girls.) I don’t fein interest in this age group like Brother Joseph did.
Extra curricular activities: debate
GPA: 3.6
Essays:
I know that God lives and wants me to attend BYU where I can further my education and hopefully meet a righteous Latter Day Saint member of the church to take to the temple so that I can fulfill my eternal role as a mother.
RR: hmmmm…. If I was working in the admissions office I would be bored reading this. How many other essays say the exact same thing? What makes you stand out to the admissions office?
Niece: what do you mean?
RR: well, how many young women exactly like you wrote the same thing?
Niece: what should I write then?
RR: why don’t you explain why you’re different and deserve to go to BYU?
Niece: OK
New Essay: I’ve always wanted to attend BYU. I think I can be an example to my older brother. He has chosen to not go on a mission because he stopped believing in God. I can attend BYU and be an example to him and show him that God exists in our lives. He strengthens us in our time of need and knows that we can be an example to those who have been led astray. I know that this is God’s true church and an education is 2nd to eternal marriage. I’d like to attend BYU because I know that I can find my eternal companion at BYU and be an example to my family!!!!!!!!
RR: yes, this is really good.
BYU a few weeks later: CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO BYU FOR THE FALL 2020 semester.
Niece 2 months later: I’m engaged!!!!
My niece applied for entrance to BYU in Provo.
She’s middle of the road in regards to grades, extra curricular activities, etc. Nothing extraordinary other than she was chosen to come to earth in these latter days. Was valiant in the war in heaven. Probable a noble one. Who knows for sure, we were all taught that, right?
She applied for BYU last year.
I offered to proof read her entrance essays and provide professional feedback.
They were mediocre at best. Routine at worst.
Beehive secretary.
Mia Maid 2nd counselor.
Laurel 1st counselor. (or whatever the new label is for the 16 -18 year old girls.) I don’t fein interest in this age group like Brother Joseph did.
Extra curricular activities: debate
GPA: 3.6
Essays:
I know that God lives and wants me to attend BYU where I can further my education and hopefully meet a righteous Latter Day Saint member of the church to take to the temple so that I can fulfill my eternal role as a mother.
RR: hmmmm…. If I was working in the admissions office I would be bored reading this. How many other essays say the exact same thing? What makes you stand out to the admissions office?
Niece: what do you mean?
RR: well, how many young women exactly like you wrote the same thing?
Niece: what should I write then?
RR: why don’t you explain why you’re different and deserve to go to BYU?
Niece: OK
New Essay: I’ve always wanted to attend BYU. I think I can be an example to my older brother. He has chosen to not go on a mission because he stopped believing in God. I can attend BYU and be an example to him and show him that God exists in our lives. He strengthens us in our time of need and knows that we can be an example to those who have been led astray. I know that this is God’s true church and an education is 2nd to eternal marriage. I’d like to attend BYU because I know that I can find my eternal companion at BYU and be an example to my family!!!!!!!!
RR: yes, this is really good.
BYU a few weeks later: CONGRATULATIONS YOU HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO BYU FOR THE FALL 2020 semester.
Niece 2 months later: I’m engaged!!!!