NOM

Life is better when you don’t have to pretend to believe anymore. Authenticity tastes so much better than pretending to be worthy so you can attend a family members initiation into a life time of funny underwear, callings, and obedience to a man who claims his plane caught fire and he was going to die when reality says otherwise.

Life is good.

Thanks NOM for listening.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Fri Jul 23, 2021 10:28 pm Thanks NOM for listening.

You're welcome. Congratulations to your daughter. Will there also be a civil ceremony to make it all kosher and inclusive of you?

Not all who lie, for attending a family member's marriage, are hypocrites. Sorry you have to deal with this. I know you said you "gladly" stayed home, but it just burns that the church puts members in this position. I feel for those who can't attend as well as those who lie to attend. I live a lie to avoid the finger pointing and gossip, and I have it easy compared to most. I envy your honesty. Congrats to your daughter. I hope her choices will have a happy future. My mom married at 19. She never regretted marrying my dad, but she did regret marrying so young.

I often wonder how many people would be in the pews each Sunday, or in temple recommend interviews, if they were acting solely according to what they actually believe a d find inspiring.

hmb wrote: ↑Sat Jul 24, 2021 4:58 am Not all who lie, for attending a family member's marriage, are hypocrites. Sorry you have to deal with this. I know you said you "gladly" stayed home, but it just burns that the church puts members in this position. I feel for those who can't attend as well as those who lie to attend. I live a lie to avoid the finger pointing and gossip, and I have it easy compared to most.

I agree hmb. We do what we have to to survive living within Mormonism’s strange boundaries with our loved ones. I’ve been doing it for years too. I’m finally learning to let go of what other people think.

Hagoth wrote: ↑Sat Jul 24, 2021 7:54 am I often wonder how many people would be in the pews each Sunday, or in temple recommend interviews, if they were acting solely according to what they actually believe a d find inspiring.

Yup. I feel bad for many young families that wrestle in meetings with crying babies or ornery children when they all would be better off having a family activity at home or outdoors.

Yeah, that sucks. I have done this twice now. I intentionally "revealed" my disbelief at DWs behest to keep the family gossip to a minimum.

So, I am sitting there in the lobby with a couple other endowed (but believing) family members and we got the "You can overcome your struggles and be part of the group again" talk by the family patriarch in whispers. I was impressed by how I felt and how my nephew sitting next to me must feel, the shame was palpable. I thought to myself, f*ck this sh*t.

Hagoth wrote: ↑Sat Jul 24, 2021 7:54 am I often wonder how many people would be in the pews each Sunday, or in temple recommend interviews, if they were acting solely according to what they actually believe a d find inspiring.

I do this too. If everyone could be fully honest, without ramifications, would the church lose 10%? 30%? 50%? Would it even survive?

Sadly, church is not a safe place to be honest about failings, doubts, or beliefs. Somewhat ironic, isn't it?

Likely not exactly constructive, but any time someone asks me if I'm "going to the temple" for a niece / nephew / extended family member's "wedding" I reply: "I'm not invited."

That usually stops any further conversation dead. (As I said... Not exactly constructive. Completely honest though.)

If people really had to live up to all the promises they make in the temple to get a recommend, hardly anyone would be able to attend.


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Does anyone share their new beliefs? You never know who around you is on their way out too, a concerned "you haven't escaped yet?" to check the waters with everyone, or for tbm's ask them if they are familiar with fowler's stages of faith, discuss midlife awakening that many go through, gently bring them to acknowledge the legitimacy of universal ideologies. Kind confidence

My parents did not attend my wedding or baptism or anything.... I married into the cult, none of my family would have anything to do with it. They have their own different cult they are in which is not much better... marriage is where you leave your parents, leave your old family and form a new one and all that, so why does everyone have to get involved? My grandparents eloped - no one there, just a courthouse, they pinned a note on their parent's door "It's ok, we're married" - that is when everyone found out.... and they had the most amazing marriage.

Kids getting married is bitter-sweet all around - a time for letting go, for growing up, new stage of life, it redefines everyone's relationships. Hugs, smiles, take the good and the funny and the frustrating with everyone.

My last few years in the church I could no longer participate in temple (worthiness) interviews and let another man judge my worthiness. Only God can do that no matter how you spin it !!! That is one of the biggest red flags for me and I'm not sure why that many people don't see it .