NOM

For various reasons, I see this as a good time to figure out what I want my relationship to Mormonism to look like going forward. Unless I decide to move one day to a place where I don't know anyone (and possibly even then), I think I would like to maintain some sort of connection with the community.

However, it's hard for me to imagine attending any meetings after the pandemic ends. I really hadn't for a couple years before it started, but I had a fairly busy calling and I believe I was seen as active (though maybe borderline somehow because it's been ages since I was last asked to give a talk or lesson).

I also can't imagine ever reaching a point where I don't think about Mormonism at all. I definitely think about it less than I did a few years ago, and in fact I find it a little sad that I have several books that are probably very good that sit unread and that I just skim each new issue of Dialogue magazine.

But what drove me to make this post is that I just turned down a calling for the first time in my life. The person who extended the calling is someone I know well and it wasn't awkward, but it still made me a little nervous because of past conditioning.

I was talking the other night with a relatively new friend, and religion came up. This friend was asking me a few things about Mormonism and, based on my answers, said that it's interesting how closely their beliefs align with that I was saying. They joked that maybe they should convert. I have no desire to push anyone toward or away from Mormonism, and that was an odd experience. I just said that I'll bet there are at least some things that they'd find weird.

I don't know that this really belongs in "Staying Faithful" because it's more about mental and social attachment than anything involving faith.

Almost everyone I love and care about is still all in on the church so I will always have some forced connection. However, I've been slowly (veeeery slowly) reevaluating the connections I have control over and, in most cases, disconnecting them. Without fail, I've eventually felt happier and freer after each change.

Only you can know what connections you should keep because they have a positive impact on your life. Just remember, something that might have once been a positive connection may not be any longer. If you make the call to disconnect, don't feel bad about mourning the loss even if it will eventually be better. I've certainly felt significant sadness at times when I think about how different my life is than I'd planned once upon a time.

Isn't it funny how we (or at least I) used to talk about the pandemic ending?

Anyway, while I didn't attend any church meetings in 2020, I have a couple times in 2021. But never my own ward, only while visiting friends or family in other places. It's interesting to hear typical talks again that remind me how far removed I am from some of the beliefs and practices.

One way I'm finding it easy to maintain a connection to the community that I'm comfortable with is that I live in an area that sees a lot of natural disasters. I'm happy to show up for the yellow shirt service opportunities. (The shirts still say "Mormon," incidentally. I guess that one slipped through the cracks or would have seemed too wasteful to correct at this point.)