Don't believe in the prosperity gospel? What if we give you COOKIES

[AdmiralHoldo]

Last time we were in sacrament meeting, a lovely but apparently deluded sister bore her testimony of how if you pay tithing and keep the commandments, God will look out for you, financially. This was followed up by the bishop encouraging families to sign up for tithing settlement because as everyone knows, paying tithing protects you from ever having to experience financial setbacks, ever.

Well, I rolled my eyes. HARD. And I leaned over and whispered to my son "you know that's a load of crap, right?" (He does, don't worry.) We paid tithing and served in callings and went to the temple and said "how high" any time we were told to jump, for YEARS, and our family has suffered setback after setback after setback. My husband has been laid off SIX TIMES and I've been laid off twice, and I had to take a $6K pay cut for my current job because my previous job was literally making me suicidal. The first time he lost his job was in 2008, when I was super pregnant (also serving as an early morning seminary teacher, which apparently wasn't enough to appease God) and he ended up taking a position that paid about 30% of his former pay. So I had to go to work full time as soon as the baby was old enough for child care, even though we THOUGHT that women were supposed to stay home and raise children and we BELIEVED that if God told us to do a thing, He would make it possible to do that thing. That was the hardest year of our life - we couldn't afford DECENT child care, so we had to leave our 3 kids in the care of the ward crazy lady, and I had to keep breastfeeding because we literally couldn't afford formula, which meant pumping with one hand and eating with the other hand in a dirty unlocked breakroom where my male co-workers CAN and DID walk in on me all the time, and... I could go on. Long story short: God DID NOT protect us from any of that stuff. Even though we were literally tithing on our unemployment checks.The prosperity gospel is a BIG HUGE STEAMING PILE OF HORSE MANURE.

Anyway... Somebody must have seen me rolling my eyes in church that day, because later in the evening we get a knock on the door, and someone has anonymously left us a plate of cookies. Nice gesture, right? Oh except for this is what the note said:

I have seen in my own life so many examples of prosperity because of following the commandments. You guys are the best.

"My son, give ear to my words; for I swear unto you, that inasmuch as ye shall keep the commandments of God ye shall prosper in the land" Alma 36:1

Which I promptly crumpled up and threw in the trash.

Shockingly, my husband said he understood why I would throw the note away. I totally expected him to side with an anonymous, passive-aggressive note writer over his own wife, because that's totally his MO. Even though he doesn't say it, I think he has drawn his own conclusion that the prosperity gospel is in fact a load of bull hockey.

And the cookies were pretty tasty. But damn. I hadn't realized I was at the 'anonymous baked goods being left on the doorstep' point in my faith transition. Do I get a badge for my profile or something?

[Angel]

We paid tithing and served in callings and went to the temple and said "how high" any time we were told to jump, for YEARS, and our family has suffered setback after setback after setback.

Perhaps you, like mother Teresa, was not doing the work with an eye single to God? It just ear-tags you as someone who does not have enough faith if things do not work out

Shockingly, my husband said he understood why I would throw the note away.

Congratulations on that one at least!

I used to fantacise about all the homeless people my tithing was going to feed - then I found out where the $ really goes I skip the middle man now, and hand my $ straight to the people on the street.

[moksha]

I used to fantacise about all the homeless people my tithing was going to feed - then I found out where the $ really goes I skip the middle man now, and hand my $ straight to the people on the street.

Many members were shocked about the $100 billion dollar investment fund that never gives to charity. Just as shocking were the many justifications/excuses as to why the Church had this secret fund hidden even from the apostles. When poop comes out the apologists exclaim what a delightful aroma.

[Angel]

Many members were shocked about the $100 billion dollar investment fund that never gives to charity. Just as shocking were the many justifications/excuses as to why the Church had this secret fund hidden even from the apostles. When poop comes out the apologists exclaim what a delightful aroma.

That was my "coming out of the closet" issue that I used to announce to everyone I was no longer associating myself with the church. I left because of child abuse, but could not show any of that publicly because of all the kids involved.

[2bizE]

Any good cookie recipes? I would love to make a batch and share with some people in my neighborhood who understand prosperity gospel is for the birds...

[hmb]

Have y'all forgot that the blessings may come in the next life?? Or so I'm told. I wonder what kind of cookies they have there? I wonder what the heck temporal blessings are for? LDS folks don't seem to have a monopoly on worldly avoidance of problems.

[moksha]

Any good cookie recipes? I would love to make a batch and share with some people in my neighborhood who understand the prosperity gospel is for the birds...

I would like some cookies regardless of any understanding and yes, they are for birds. So perhaps a recipe for chocolate chocolate-chip cookies for 2bizE to and possibly people in my own ward to bake?

[Advocate]

Ouch. That gesture is pretty tone deaf and the person likely knew it which is why they chose to make it anonymous.

During my transition we had friends where both the husband and the wife had parents that had served as mission presidents. We got to know the parents a bit and it surprised me to hear that both fathers had experienced significant financial difficulties for years after serving their 3-year stint as a mission president. Surprised me and made me think, that's for sure.