NOM

Fifi de la Vergne wrote: ↑Fri Dec 18, 2020 6:09 amI sat out for my son's wedding a couple of years ago and it was hard, although neither of my other grown children were there either so I didn't feel so alone on the outside.

wtfluff wrote: ↑Thu Dec 17, 2020 5:16 pm Honestly, to me there's only one question here that matters: Does your daughter want you there?

It seems she understands your state of disbelief, so if she wants you there, then nothing else really matters.

"The Church" has pretended to be True™ for your entire lifetime. You still have a golden ticket. If your daughter wants you there, then go. Don't let "guilt" about "pretending to believe" or LD$-Inc or anyone or anything else get between you and your daughter.





And... Since I went through this myself fairly recently ("on the outside,") one thing that helped me was realizing that I was literally only missing a short, creepy, polygamist cult "sealing." I literally pointed out to my child that the ring ceremony was going to be more memorable because of photos, videos, etc. and that they would actually remember it, unlike the "sealing."

Linked wrote: ↑Thu Dec 17, 2020 5:35 pm I'm sorry Deepthinker, that really sucks. This is one of those situations where former believers just have 2 bad choices. Which do you think you would regret more? Missing your daughter's sealing or compromising your morals to be there?

I think WTFluff has a great point too about whether or not your daughter wants you there (which is another terrible thing to have to think about).

Good luck! Ultimately there is no right or wrong answer, so don't stress too much. Let us know what you end up doing.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Thu Dec 17, 2020 9:49 pm Just go.

Hasn’t the church stolen enough from us?

Why let them take away the chance to see your daughter get married.

You got the ticket.

So go.

Fifi de la Vergne wrote: ↑Fri Dec 18, 2020 6:09 am I sat out for my son's wedding a couple of years ago and it was hard, although neither of my other grown children were there either so I didn't feel so alone on the outside.

When I was moaning to some non LDS coworkers about this, it somehow came up that the temple sealing ceremony wasn't at all like a traditional wedding. They googled pictures of the sealing rooms and when I described the temple sealing ceremony, they became quite a bit more dismissive of what I'd be missing out on - as WTF says, a "a short, creepy, polygamist cult "sealing." I was surprised at this perspective but it was also validating that (for me) I'd made the right choice.

I think you're justified in whichever decision you make. Taking your daughter's feeling into account, I would base it on which decision you would regret the most, and only you can know that.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Thu Dec 17, 2020 9:49 pm Just go.

Hasn’t the church stolen enough from us?

Why let them take away the chance to see your daughter get married.

You got the ticket.

So go.

Deepthinker wrote: ↑Fri Dec 18, 2020 7:57 amOne issue is that my wife has "shamed" me by saying I'm not "worthy" to go. She's backed off that recently, but still I know how she feels about it.

Deepthinker wrote: ↑Thu Dec 17, 2020 4:17 pm I also don't want to pretend I'm fully believing either.

Not Buying It wrote: ↑Fri Dec 18, 2020 8:59 am You literally paid cold, hard cash for access to the temple. Take what you paid for. I think it would be tragic to miss her wedding out of some kind of misguided sense of principle.

Look at it this way - the Church doesn’t deserve to be taken seriously. If you miss the wedding because you feel like you are being a phony if you go, it shows you are taking it far more seriously than it deserves to be taken. A fifth grade graduation ceremony is as eternally efficacious as a temple marriage ceremony. You wouldn’t worry about whether you should go to the former, treat the other with the same level of seriousness.

Go and don’t think twice about it, you’ve given the Church more thought on this than it deserves.

River Morgan2 wrote: ↑Fri Dec 18, 2020 11:07 am Just one more opinion that isn't worth much. But my first thought was this is not your wife's day. It's your daughter's day. And if your daughter wants you there and you want to be there, that's where you should be.

FWIW,
River

Hagoth wrote: ↑Fri Dec 18, 2020 3:19 pm When I still had a recommend I looked at it this way: it's my temple as much as anybody else's. I paid a hefty amount to build these things and to buy the privilege of attending, I can go and sit there and feel and think about whatever I want. Even when my wife knew I didn't believe any of it she appreciated me going with her and standing in as proxy for her ancestors. Now I can't go because of stupid things like coffee and believing that RMN's lack of prophetic ability tells me that he's not really a prophet.

So yeah, smoke if you've got 'em (speaking metaphorically, of course).