NOM

My sister has had the same roommate for about 25 years now. At first they went to great effort to let people know they were just friends, not lesbians. The roommate is divorced with children, but my sister never married? About 20 years ago, they purchased a house together and have been domestic partners for years basically sharing everything. My sister's roommate is about 70 now and is facing end of life issues. She doesn't want her children making decisions for her if she becomes incapacitated, but wants her long time roommate to make any such decision about life support or finances. She also doesn't want her children fighting her last will and testament because of money left to a roommate. My sister is only 58 and the roommate worries about her financial security after roommate dies. On the opposite end of things one of the worries is that if the roommate develops dementia like her own mother did, what will her care costs end up doing to her half of the house and it might be worse if they married. Then there is the question of if my sister would do better financially with a spouse's SS rather than her own after 30 years at little more than minimum wage. So, these two heterosexual women are looking at getting married.

My sister is a forever inactive Mormon and may not even be aware that it would mean excommunication. Not that that would matter to her. She is just looking at what is best for her roommate.

Well that's something new to consider. Interesting situation. Please let us know their decision.

Here is real-life example of what I have wondered about - elderly (or not quite elderly) same-sex friends that may get married to take advantage of the legal status it imparts. I don't see why not - heterosexual older couples have been doing it forever to get these legal protections and not really because of any of the traditional/conservative reasons for getting married. The church does throw a twist into the situation in that if your sister values her membership then it becomes a tougher choice. I wish her the best in doing what works for her situation!

fh451

Alas, does your state allow for domestic partnerships? Some states will give these the same benefits as a marriage. This would give the same benefits without the stigma. It may be something for them to look into at least.

Of course, that begs the question for how the church will react to that. Legally it is the same as a same sex marriage, but if it doesn't have that word attached to it, will it have the same consequences?

Wow, Sandler is a true prophet! Life imitating "art". Hopefully this all works out for your sister!

Alas
The question is mostly where do they live? Would their community even care. It might make them more popular. Ofcourse among the older generation there are still strong ideas. The Senior Citizens center might frown on this. If they were married do they need to have a big public parade about it or can they handle their financial affairs in discretion? Ofcourse when your friends roomate passes away or is hospitalized there may be huge surprises and fight with the children if they are not atleast made aware of the marriage but I am not sure it is necessary that they throw a neighborhood party about it.

On the opposite end of the spectrum my sister is married but her husband has past financial and legal issues and I can't tell you how much I wish she had just thrown a public party, pretended to get married and left all the legal certificate out of the deal. Marriage has some legal rights as you mentioned above but a lot of crap comes with it that if there are not children involved can be handled with living wills, durable power of attorney and just plain gifting money back and forth below the tax cut off. My sister has gotten most of the garbage of being handcuffed and few of the benefits. Don't get me wrong the guy she married is great but she needed an ironclad prenup that said that their finances are separate and she is not responsible or the party in the backyard sans certificate.

I attended a community class where an attorney presented all the options for estate planning. It sounds like to me before making this decision they should just have a consultation with an estate attorney. Pretend to be lesbians and just ask what benefits there are to getting married and if there is a way they could have a prenup or legal avenue to mitigate the litigation problems associated with their estate and health issues. Even with marriage there may be lawsuits by her children. Its far better to understand if there is a legal way to mitigate that. First they probably have Life insurance ( they should atleast have enough to cover their own funerals) etc. I know there are steps that can be taken to ensure that most of your money is preserved in the event of needing medicare which one of them is probably on. I am not sure how that works outside of marriage vs being married. Perhaps your sister could just legally buy her roomate out of the house with a payment plan that does not open either of them to litigation or loss of benefits above the cutoff. For just a basic estate plan it can be as low as 2000 dollars. I think a small consultation would be very helpful. Don't do those home printed kits. the attorney told me that she makes more money and litigation from those than just setting it up correctly the first time.

This reminds me back in college I was a health care worker for an old gentleman. He suggested marriage as then his pension, SS and property would come to me in exchange for care and companionship. The Same sex marriage only introduces this as a new twist on what probably has been going on for some time.

Alas, did they ever decide what to do?