NOM

Since it’s a slow church news day we are now taking (unauthorized) questions for Fluff...

I’ll go first.

Q: if you lived back in Joseph Smith’s time, would you have been the Baker; the Blacksmith; or the Candlestick maker?

Q: How would you have reacted to Joseph Smith secretly taking your wife as a plural wife when you were off on a mission?

Q: if you worked for the Nauvoo Expositor prior to the destruction of the printing press, what typos would you purposely add to Mormon print jobs?

Q: If you were called to be the next prophet, what fundamental changes would you make to the church?

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 1:01 pmSince it’s a slow church news day we are now taking (unauthorized) questions for Fluff...

Ha! I reserve the right to ignore any questions as I see fit, and/or provide "Carefully Worded Denials™."

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 1:01 pmI’ll go first.

Q: if you lived back in Joseph Smith’s time, would you have been the Baker; the Blacksmith; or the Candlestick maker?

First gut reaction: Blacksmith. It's fun "making" stuff, and playing with fire, ya know?

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 1:01 pmQ: How would you have reacted to Joseph Smith secretly taking your wife as a plural wife when you were off on a mission?

Again, first gut reaction in my current mindset: Do I own a firearm? Actually, it doesn't matter; I'm the blacksmith, I'll make a sword and take care of good ol' Joe that way. Whether I'm part of the castration team, or I just run him through myself, I don't care.

From a believer's mindset: I'm pretty sure I would have gone right along with Joe, just like my believing ancestors did.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 1:01 pmQ: if you worked for the Nauvoo Expositor prior to the destruction of the printing press, what typos would you purposely add to Mormon print jobs?

Hmm. I've got no idea. Maybe: MORmON, MORONi, and MORONihaha?

Again, based on my life as a believer, I doubt I would have done anything other than follow Joe. I probably would have been one of the folks destroying the press.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 1:01 pmQ: If you were called to be the next prophet, what fundamental changes would you make to the church?

Post fake pictures of myself vacuuming on Social Medias!!!! Oh, wait, that isn't any sort of change.

I would like to take the Shock and Awe campaign. Fire all the current "leadership." Shut down the corporation(s) and all subsidiaries. Sell off all of the real-estate. Give all of the billions to real non-profit charities. Like any of that could ever happen.

So the other alternative is to disavow all the previous bullshit and lies, and try to become more like the Community of Christ, and use the Corporation's™ resources for the betterment of humankind, instead of the betterment of the Corporation™.


EDIT: How could I forget this???? Are we still in the middle of a global pandemic when I become CEO? My first "guidance" would be to encourage LD$-Inc. followers to heed the guidance of scientists and healthcare professionals. Pretending to be a polygamist Freemason now and then doesn't matter. Pretending to eat demigod flesh, and drink demigod blood every week doesn't matter. Human life is much more important. TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER. If that means NOT meeting together oft, and wearing a piece of cloth over your nose and mouth, do it.

-Considering that changes to the temple are becoming commonplace, how would you modify or repurpose the ceremony and/or building?

-If you found yourself the corporate sole of a company that had, oh let's say $130 billion in available funds, what are some specific ways you might use it? (don't forget your old pals)

-How would you re-staff the Q15? Fictional characters are not entirely off the table.

Q. If you could slap a Book of Mormon character into next Tuesday, who would it be, and why?

Q. What's your favorite Mormon commandment to break that will surely earn you TK smoothie?

Q. Suppose you could send one 280-character message to every member of your ward as if it came from the bishop. What would you send?

wtfluff wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 2:12 pm

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 1:01 pmQ: How would you have reacted to Joseph Smith secretly taking your wife as a plural wife when you were off on a mission?

Actually, it doesn't matter; I'm the blacksmith...

Even the best-crafted chastity belt could be breached by a determined priesthood key.

Fluff,
Who is your favorite Mormon character from the past?
Who is your favorite Mormon person of the present?

Hagoth wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 6:00 pm-Considering that changes to the temple are becoming commonplace, how would you modify or repurpose the ceremony and/or building?

Good grief. Red didn't say that the questions were going to get hard.

The temple eh? As you quite likely know, I detest the temple. The best thing that can happen to it is that it just goes away. Maybe a thought or two will bounce around in the fluff, and I can come up with something better at some point, but it's doubtfull.

If it absolutely has to stay, then the first thing that has to change is the recommend interview. All the questions get dropped except the last one, which changes to: "Do you want to go to the temple? Yes? Well then, here's your recommend."

Hagoth wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 6:00 pm-If you found yourself the corporate sole of a company that had, oh let's say $130 billion in available funds, what are some specific ways you might use it? (don't forget your old pals)

Again with the hard questions eh?

It would definitely take a lot of time to research which charities the mounds of gold would go to, and I of course would need a lot of NOMmie consultants, right? Our consulting fee would be "sufficient for our needs" eh?

Hagoth wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 6:00 pm-How would you re-staff the Q15? Fictional characters are not entirely off the table.

Well, if fictional characters are not entirely off the table, I'm gonna go knee-jerk and start bringing back dead people.

Neil Peart (I think I'd have to pass my CEO torch to him.)
Ric Ocasek
Pat Torpey
Vinnie Paul Abbott
Chester Bennington
Chris Cornell

And the list goes on. Probably have to do rotating "assignments."

How are the acoustics in the great-and-spacious conference center? (If we ever get to do that type of stuff again...)

Reuben wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 6:59 pmQ. If you could slap a Book of Mormon character into next Tuesday, who would it be, and why?

How 'bout the author? It's obvious why.

If not Joe, then how 'bout Jared, and/or his bro Mahonri?

I mean... Magical anti-gravity submarines and glowing rocks? Bees and animals and humans and food and magic rocks all getting "tossed about" inside those dishes? REALLY? Yeah, that was probably one of the first things I "shelved" and ignored for 30 or 40 years.

Reuben wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 6:59 pmQ. What's your favorite Mormon commandment to break that will surely earn you TK smoothie?

Evil speaking of Dallin F. Oaks, Rusty Nelson, and any of the other fake, useless prophets, seers and revelators

Reuben wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 6:59 pmQ. Suppose you could send one 280-character message to every member of your ward as if it came from the bishop. What would you send?

As if I am the bishop eh?

"Please read and study the gospel topics essays - don't skip the footnotes."

(With links to all of the essays - which I'm not gonna post here...)

2bizE wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 7:03 pmWho is your favorite Mormon character from the past?

Captain Moroni. There was a time early in my MORmON career when Alma 48:17 meant quite a lot to me.

Alma 48:17 wrote:Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men.

2bizE wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 7:03 pmWho is your favorite Mormon person of the present?

"Active" Mormon? John Hamer. (Hi John!)

"Less Active:" Hagoth.

Which gospel topics essay do you think should be read first?

Other than JS, which president of the church would you want to slap into next Tuesday?

If you have to choose, do you wear shorts or a tank top?

wtfluff wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 10:33 pm

Hagoth wrote: ↑Tue Jul 28, 2020 6:00 pm-Considering that changes to the temple are becoming commonplace, how would you modify or repurpose the ceremony and/or building?

Good grief. Red didn't say that the questions were going to get hard.

The temple eh? As you quite likely know, I detest the temple. The best thing that can happen to it is that it just goes away. Maybe a thought or two will bounce around in the fluff, and I can come up with something better at some point, but it's doubtfull.

In case you happen to fin find yourself in the position to make that decision, please consider bowling alleys.

blazerb wrote: ↑Wed Jul 29, 2020 6:51 amWhich gospel topics essay do you think should be read first?

- Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo
- First Vision Accounts
- Book of Mormon Translation
- Translation and Historicity of the Book of Abraham
- Race and the Priesthood
- Book of Moromon and DNA Studies

blazerb wrote: ↑Wed Jul 29, 2020 6:51 amOther than JS, which president of the church would you want to slap into next Tuesday?

Brigham Young

blazerb wrote: ↑Wed Jul 29, 2020 6:51 amIf you have to choose, do you wear shorts or a tank top?

Shorts

Hagoth wrote: ↑Wed Jul 29, 2020 7:05 amIn case you happen to fin find yourself in the position to make that decision, please consider bowling alleys.

Are bowling alleys a good "investment?"