NOM

I mean ministering assignments. I've been basketball buddies with a guy in my ward for a few years now. A few months ago my family was assigned to him for ministering. Since then he has been sending me texts about life and asking how my family is doing. But it seems so hollow, an unnatural compared to our previous interactions. It makes me sad because he is a good guy and I enjoyed my interactions with him before, but now I feel like he is just doing his duty.

Most of the damage to our relationship is at my hands, and how I interpret his actions, and I recognize that and will try to be a bigger person. But I still think it sucks.

For me that describes how it was being a TBM when it came to a lot of interactions. There was always this cloud of obligation/condemnation if you didn't do your due diligence in being a good card carrying service oriented, jello eating hand shaking peter priesthood drone. Stopping to help someone change a tire, raking leaves for some old widow, it was all shrouded in obligatory service. Even thought it felt good to service in those capacities it had attached to it the promise of Jebus smiling down upon you. On the opposite side Jebus be scowling at you and putting a bad mark in your book of life if you happen to skip a meeting or service project to do something for your own family.

It was so liberating to experience altruistic joy in service with zero angel or devil involved, no promise of reward in the hereafter, no alms before men, just a good deed for the sake of being human, end of story!

I think some people see it as an opportunity to make friends and others see it as an obligation to be checked off. In all honesty, I think I was mostly in the latter category in my believing days. Only after my faith crisis do I see it the other way. I still do it, but I won't let them change families on me or give me a companion.

My ministering angel (I don't know what you're supposed to call them but that's what Mrs. Hagoth calls them) is a great guy. He feels guilty about not paying monthly visits and teaching lessons, but I reassure him that he would be doing us no favors by preaching to us. I truly think I could ask him for just about anything and he would happily do it because I believe he truly cares.

On the other side of the coin, I have had home teachers in the past who would show up unannounced on the last day of the month and give a 2-hour (I'm not kidding) lesson without every giving any indication that you could actually count on them in a time of need.

If the current guy only shows up unexpectedly it's a cookie drop-and-run, and I can live with that.

As far as your friendship goes, the cross is in the ballpark. Sometimes things seem forced, but that is okay. Be gentle with both of you and smile.