NOM

At a Christmas gathering with in-laws. The discussion comes up about a recent influx of missionaries coming home early. One brother in law mentions the stake pres in his stake being concerned over 3 in a row coming home early. Other BIL says they have had 4 come home early. All manner of theories are posited. Sheltered kids, increased anxiety in youth today, lowered age policy, blah blah blah generational judgement and shaming. I just wanted to scream as loud as possible "MAYBE IT'S NOT THE KIDS FAULT!"

Instead I just smiled and ate another cookie. Then my kid got sick and we went home early. Tender mercies.

Wow, it can't possibly be that the LDS church is sending out teenagers to try selling difficult product that almost nobody wants. It's like the old joke about the guy who says, "I can't be out of money, I still have lots of blank checks in my check book!"

I have unofficially heard that about 7% of all missionaries come home early for emotional, non-sinning reasons. If a missionary is not having success then the blame goes back on the missionary. Members and leader don't see or acknowledge that this is the inherently intractable problem of trying to sell a 19th century gospel in a 21st century world where all the flaws are entirely evident to everyone except the Mormons themselves.

You did the right thing by simply letting the believers twist under the emotional weight of their own cognitive dissonance. Missionary work proceeds best when potential converts don't know anything about Mormons and convert's situation is uncomfortable.

Simple reason.

The church is catching up with the times, the culture is not.

In other words, the church is understanding that the missionary experience is not for everyone, and the rate in which young men and women are being sent home has increased because the potential psychological damage is great. In the past, they would give them the lines of "stop being selfish" or "you'd rather be dead than go home early", now they send home so the missionary can heal.

I experienced this when my mission president was "old school" and the organization above him was "new school". They wanted to send me home, the mission president gave me the old lines (repeated by my dad, my stake president, my bishop, etc.). The psychologist and the area authority were all for sending me home and my mission president blocked it. When I came home and started attending sessions at LDS Social Services the therapist told me that we would see an increase of missionaries coming home, the church was starting to realize the shift that needed to occur.

In other words, the people haven't changed, the church has. They are actually sending the missionaries home, which is a really good thing. The "old school" hasn't yet stopped their thinking regarding mental toughness or spirituality. They will, a missionary coming home in 20 years will be greeted with open arms as they start their healing process. When I came home after a nervous breakdown, I dealt with a home ward and rumors for years and the fallout still continues to this day. About three months ago my mother came to me raging mad because she overheard someone say, "You know, it isn't surprising [document] left the church, he didn't finish his mission".

Unfortunately, what really should happen is this:

1) The church needs to stop the psychological abuse of missionaries (I don't criticize the church much, but the missionary program is beyond disgusting)
2) The church needs to create a better screening process to filter out missionaries who will suffer in the field
3) The culture needs to drop the stigma of not serving a mission, not qualifying for a mission, or being sent home early
4) The church needs to offer different types of missions that a potential missionary can serve
5) The church needs to provide free therapy coverage to returning missionaries (I had to pay LDS SS for my post-mission therapy)

Amen Document. Those are all great ideas. I really think they need to transition to service missions for most desiring to serve. And let them choose their term (6, 12, 18, or 24 months).

document wrote:Unfortunately, what really should happen is this:

1) The church needs to stop the psychological abuse of missionaries (I don't criticize the church much, but the missionary program is beyond disgusting)
2) The church needs to create a better screening process to filter out missionaries who will suffer in the field
3) The culture needs to drop the stigma of not serving a mission, not qualifying for a mission, or being sent home early
4) The church needs to offer different types of missions that a potential missionary can serve
5) The church needs to provide free therapy coverage to returning missionaries (I had to pay LDS SS for my post-mission therapy)

Those are good ideas, but I don't see them happening.
Still, I think there is a scripture-based argument for missions that are purely service/humanitarian - no proselytizing. I really wish that were an option!
It would be so nice to get to know more young adults who have gone to peace corp or other humanitarian service assignments - to help my kids begin to consider those as better options than what most of their friends are pressured into doing.

One more point about how it's not the kid's fault - is how Utah leads the nation in anti-depressants, is high statistically for drug abuse and suicides. While it cannot be concluded as the only cause, I think church teachings and the Mormon culture in general should be considered as a part of the problems. If you go down a list of thinking distortions, the church teaches most of them.

The silver lining might be that as it becomes more and more common that missionaries come back early, it may become more socially acceptable to either come back early or not even go.

Bad product, immature sales force, no viable methods for peddling the bad product (besides guilting members and the immature sales force) all combine to many of these young people not making it to the end. Service missions--not sales.