) that my faith crisis helped instigate a family crisis - or awakening of dysfunction. If I hadn’t had some experience and confidence in navigating outside the Mormon box, I may not have been receptive to realizing what I thought was “normal” in my family of origin, is actually dysfunctional. I remind myself that there is also good in the church & my family. But I’ve realized I was raised by a BPD narcissistic mother and married a narcissist because it felt normal to be blamed, shamed etc. Since I brought to light inconvenient truths about the church and our family, I have been hated and blamed, for “struggling.” They project their own problems they deny - onto me - then they feel off the hook. The church is also narcissistic in ways: shifting blame, wanting to be the center of attention, pretends it is superior to all, and tells lies like:
Lie: “You must give your power over to me - you must think like me.” (Truth: we each need to own our power and strengths.)
Lie: “You’re nothing without me.” (Truth: your worth is inherent.)
Lie: “You owe me.” (Truth: You don’t owe anyone anything.)
Lie: “Your feelings & opinions are irrelevant.” (Truth: Your thoughts & feelings are essential to help you navigate you!)
Lie: “It’s your fault.” (Truth: Refuse to take others’ response-ability, especially when they try to make you. They NEED to take their own. And you need to not allow them to burden you with theirs on top of yours.)
Again, I see positives in church involvement - like the sense of community - but boundaries are essential when narcissistic traits are expressed.
Do you think narcissists or scapegoats/doormats are drawn to or have the most difficulty seeing the negatives of, & maintaining boundaries with, such a narcissistic church?
