NOM

Over a year and a half ago I was in the full-blown faith crisis mode. My DW fell into step pretty quick along with me once she started looking into the issues. But my parents really struggled with it all, and some really dumb things were said. In particular, my dad was pretty hard on me and in short, told me to buck up and have faith, that the issues aren't worth looking into.

Here we are today, and after daily venturing onto the minefield of Mormon history for the past 6-8 months, he has also lost his faith in the church. I feel sorry for him because he's in that dark spot trying to make sense of life. But I feel a little vindicated that now he knows everything I was going through, and that I didn't choose to step away from the church for a sinful lifestyle or some other BS.

Sharing in case this can give someone hope who's struggling with pressure from TBM family members...

How old is he?

My parents are in their early 70’s and I don’t think they could mentally survive a faith crisis.

At this point they need Mormonism until they die.

Arcturus wrote: ↑Thu Feb 14, 2019 9:54 pm Sharing in case this can give someone hope who's struggling with pressure from TBM family members...

Thanks for sharing. It is a very important reminder to NOT break our relationships while we are waking up. It is easy to thrash around in the angry phase and get offended because believers say such offensive things.

My oldest daughter is one of those mormons who was a literal believer and could say some pretty insensitive things to and about people who changed their worldview. Her husband/my son in law finally fessed up a little over a year ago that church didn't work for him and that he didn't believe.

I am really proud of my daughter. She told him that she chose their marriage over the church and was prepared to live a mixed faith marriage. She began studying so that she would have good answers to tell the kids if and when topics about the church's truth issues came up.

Turns out my daughter has a good head on her shoulders and she now no longer believes either and is out.

I am glad you can be there for your dad.

Yeah, any willing explorer into the facts will soon acknowledge the reality. Sadly, many are not in a position to make real life changes. Some due to age. Others due to employment. Some due to family money, and others due to the hope of eternal family with lived ones lost too young.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Thu Feb 14, 2019 10:00 pm How old is he?

My parents are in their early 70’s and I don’t think they could mentally survive a faith crisis.

At this point they need Mormonism until they die.

61. I feel for him because he’s in a tough spot with my mom. She’s uber orthodox and might lose her mind if she finds she’s lost him to disbelief

My parents left the church after me. I shared info with my mom who "lost" her testimony. At the time, my dad was a bishop. #awkward

Long story short, he left the church not too long after that, and they both resigned. They're glad they have all the freedom of not being tied down to the LDS church as they head into retirement years.

In the end, it's not our responsibility or right to make choices about other people's faith journeys.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Thu Feb 14, 2019 10:00 pm How old is he?

My parents are in their early 70’s and I don’t think they could mentally survive a faith crisis.

At this point they need Mormonism until they die.

This. My in laws are in their 80's and the church is their whole life. We visit with them quite frequently, and never ever has some aspect of life in the church not come up in conversation. Honestly life for them would not be worth living without the church.

It's hard for me to imagine some of my family members going through a faith transition. The idea of my having a part in kicking such a transition off has always made me nervous. But I also wonder whether one or more of them have already reached that point but, like me, don't ever bring it up due to various fears about how that might turn out.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Thu Feb 14, 2019 10:00 pm How old is he?

My parents are in their early 70’s and I don’t think they could mentally survive a faith crisis.

At this point they need Mormonism until they die.

My father is in this position and my mother passed away two years ago. Working in the temple is his social support system where he has something to look forward to plus being deeply appreciated for his work as a Temple Recorder. I would not want to pull him out of that unless there was simply something else. My in-laws are about to head out on a senior mission with great enthusiasm. It would probably be even more devastating for them.

The rule of thumb has often been "one month of recovery for every year you have been in the church". That would be more than 6 years for my father and I cannot imagine him necessarily recovering. It takes far more emotional and spiritual strength to move beyond and transcend an LDS life than it does to simply be content with an LDS life. That emotional debt appears to only go up as people age.

When DW told her MIL we had resigned she took it pretty well, but this is after a couple of years of her suspecting and one other son who also left. MIL's response was that she also had doubts, but could never leave it at this point in her life, basically not taking any chances. We get it and are happy to let her be. At 70+ it's just not something most would want to put themselves through and I don't blame them. The older you get the harder it can be. I was in my early 50's and it was painful!