NOM

I have been trying for a long time to figure out what to say when people ask us what's going on with the church. I'm usually a brutally honest person, more by flaw than design. I am a terrible liar with zero poker face. I don't know what to say if someone asks what's going on with us. I want to be honest which in my heart would be something along the lines of: it's all fake/made up and you've been duped, but I need something to say that doesn't belittle the person I'm talking to because I know it's more complicated than that and I know it's not black and white yet somehow I still feel the need to say somehow that I don't agree with Mormonism and to somehow clarify that I'm not lazy and we don't go by design. I have thought long and hard on this. I've avoided people for a long time to avoid discussing it. I can't resign for family reasons so I can't say I'm not Mormon anymore. I have finally settled on feeling comfortable with saying, "We don't practice Mormonism anymore."

Now what I want is for you to tell me how I could be wrong in choosing this particular/phrase and if there's a better way before I actually say this to somehow. Critique away!

I think that's a really good way to say it. Also, I don't think you have to formally resign to not be Mormon. That's a church paperwork issue not one about your belief system.

It's simple and it works while leaving you higher on the mormon totem pole/org chart/social scale.

Here's the lower half of the hierarchy as I see it.

Liberal Mormons
Inactive Mormons
Jack Mormons
Non practicing Mormons
Unbelievers
Ex-Mormons

Each label has a social consequence. Pick your label wisely with the intended results in mind. If you want to remain socially connected than telling everyone your inactive works the best. Of course you have to deal with the love bombs and attempts at reactivation but that's a small price to pay if you want to remain socially connected.

Telling everyone you're an unbeliever is social suicide and worse than inactive. It might be the right choice if you want to cut off all connections.

For me, this is a card game. I'm going to be selective and choose carefully which card I'm going to show. This way I maintain the control I've worked so hard to take back from the church.

How 'bout:

"We're proud, non-believing, non-practicing mormons now!"

After several awkward, on-the-spot moments I just say we have stepped away from the church. That usually does the trick.

LadyLillith wrote:After several awkward, on-the-spot moments I just say we have stepped away from the church. That usually does the trick.

This is pretty similar to what I would do. Sometimes I'd add something like, "You wouldn't believe how much our stress on Sundays has gone down!" Most of the time they'd laugh and we'd talk about the difficulties of keeping small children quiet and still for an hour and a half. Nobody has asked in a long time now.

Red Ryder wrote:It's simple and it works while leaving you higher on the mormon totem pole/org chart/social scale.

Here's the lower half of the hierarchy as I see it.

Liberal Mormons
Inactive Mormons
Jack Mormons
Non practicing Mormons
Unbelievers
Ex-Mormons

Each label has a social consequence. Pick your label wisely with the intended results in mind. If you want to remain socially connected than telling everyone your inactive works the best. Of course you have to deal with the love bombs and attempts at reactivation but that's a small price to pay if you want to remain socially connected.

Telling everyone you're an unbeliever is social suicide and worse than inactive. It might be the right choice if you want to cut off all connections.

For me, this is a card game. I'm going to be selective and choose carefully which card I'm going to show. This way I maintain the control I've worked so hard to take back from the church.

This. I think where I live even declaring I'm liberal or a social mormon would cause shunning...Inactive, I agree love bomb. But to not believe IS social suicide here.

I like all the comments above. As a suggestion, maybe put the onus back on the inquirer

"We've moved on to a more fulfilling spiritual community"

"I went as far as I could go with Mormonism, now I'm living something much better."

"The spirit has lead me to a better place."

"I can not accept that God is the author of LDS doctrines and I've found a higher Christian path.

I'd probably say something like, "We no longer attend church." There's a finality to it, but it also doesn't invite questions about what you might b be practicing instead, or what you don't practice (such as the WoW or something), or single out "Mormonism" specifically.

I've rarely been asked "Why" - from what I can tell, people are afraid to ask - they don't want to go down that path.

My reply has been "We bought a jeep". That usually ends it right there.

Oliver wrote:My reply has been "We bought a jeep". That usually ends it right there.

It's just like when I was trying to learn to play the piano. I would practice and practice and I never got any better, so I gave up and went outside.

I usually say " I'm Mormonish"
Sometimes this leads to further discussion, sometimes not.

Oliver wrote:My reply has been "We bought a jeep". That usually ends it right there.

This is great. I would add to that....and a boat.

"We are doing church on our own terms" works for us. Some say they wish they could do the same.