Stake Conference

[Linked]

Yesterday was Stake Conference. We have little kids and my DW agrees that Stake Conference would be torture for them, so we don't take them. She goes by herself. I like to know what they are talking about, so I asked her to take notes for me. I'm not sure if it would be better not to know...

The SP talked about strengthening the family. I am cool with the idea of strengthening the family. Except the mormon idea of strengthening the family has an unspoken end of "in the church". Which excludes me, and makes my existence evil. Which I am not cool with.

The visiting area authority mentioned that in Utah people are just nicer than other places and it is so nice. And all this kindness comes with no ulterior motive. Which is the exact opposite of the truth. I like Utah, it's my home, but the kindness here is all ulterior motive. If you look like you won't be accepting their ulterior motive the kindness is gone. There will be passive aggressive smiles in many cases, but little real friendship or conversation. If you want kindness without an ulterior motive go to Minnesota or Washington State.

But, when I mentioned I was feeling like an outsider with my extended family my wife said I'm not an outsider in our home, so that was a win for yesterday.

[Angel]

Wow, reading this is making me so glad I am not in Utah. There has to be at least a few other faith communities you can visit? The only advice I have is "Be the change you want to see in the world" and all that, just keep smiling, teach them what authenticity is.

I am in a mixed-faith marriage as well, and I have gone out of my way to be extra friendly. I invite our Mormon "friends" to non-Mormon events, little musical things, plays, etc. going on in the area and they have been coming. It is nice to establish a few activities on "neutral" ground rather than all the outings being centered around Mormon things.

I also love love love guided meditations that promote happiness and well-being, listen to them with ear-buds as I am going to sleep or working etc. Just google it - youtube, guided meditation - at first it sounds weird, but the dang things can actually work if you let them.

Sending good vibes to you!

[Corsair]

But, when I mentioned I was feeling like an outsider with my extended family my wife said I'm not an outsider in our home, so that was a win for yesterday.

I would also count that as a win. Angel has the right idea, as far as I can tell. You have to build your own sense of self that exists independently of the LDS church.

It's simply that we all have to take the risk that what we are doing really might endanger our marriages. I'm not trying to encourage divorce at all. But LDS culture clearly considers mixed faith marriages to be broken with little doubt for how the unbeliever is at fault. My wife has some appreciation for my church activity, but there is a deep seated annoyance that I will not be taking her on a senior mission in the coming years. If my wife were going to be truly happier by going on a senior mission, then at some point I will, in fact, let her go. I don't entirely know what that will look like, but full time missionary service is simply not something I can do. I make my involvement in our relationship as a freely given offering. But I will not force her to stay if it is too damaging to her own sense of self.

[alas]

But, when I mentioned I was feeling like an outsider with my extended family my wife said I'm not an outsider in our home, so that was a win for yesterday.

I would also count that as a win. Angel has the right idea, as far as I can tell. You have to build your own sense of self that exists independently of the LDS church.

It's simply that we all have to take the risk that what we are doing really might endanger our marriages. I'm not trying to encourage divorce at all. But LDS culture clearly considers mixed faith marriages to be broken with little doubt for how the unbeliever is at fault. My wife has some appreciation for my church activity, but there is a deep seated annoyance that I will not be taking her on a senior mission in the coming years. If my wife were going to be truly happier by going on a senior mission, then at some point I will, in fact, let her go. I don't entirely know what that will look like, but full time missionary service is simply not something I can do. I make my involvement in our relationship as a freely given offering. But I will not force her to stay if it is too damaging to her own sense of self.

I am really not sure you want to let your wife go on a mission without you, as the only way that can happen is if she is a widow. I don’t know what the church”s problem with divorced women going, but I have a neighbor who would love to go, but she is divorced and the bishop just sort of told her no, without a real explanation, but she is pretty sure there is a rule against divorced women serving a mission, same way there is a rule against divorced men being bishop.

[Corsair]

I am really not sure you want to let your wife go on a mission without you, as the only way that can happen is if she is a widow. I don’t know what the church”s problem with divorced women going, but I have a neighbor who would love to go, but she is divorced and the bishop just sort of told her no, without a real explanation, but she is pretty sure there is a rule against divorced women serving a mission, same way there is a rule against divorced men being bishop.

I have considered the amusing situation where she just puts in papers and goes without making her marital status clear to a bishop or stake president. She's married and has a husband back home and is out with some other senior woman. I actually might be financially supporting her and reading her email reports with some amusement. It's not like the church didn't do this with sending out husbands in the 19th century leaving the wives at home. I'll bet that Feminist Mormon Housewives would love to see this happen.

[Emower]

I am really not sure you want to let your wife go on a mission without you, as the only way that can happen is if she is a widow. I don’t know what the church”s problem with divorced women going, but I have a neighbor who would love to go, but she is divorced and the bishop just sort of told her no, without a real explanation, but she is pretty sure there is a rule against divorced women serving a mission, same way there is a rule against divorced men being bishop.

I have considered the amusing situation where she just puts in papers and goes without making her marital status clear to a bishop or stake president. She's married and has a husband back home and is out with some other senior woman. I actually might be financially supporting her and reading her email reports with some amusement. It's not like the church didn't do this with sending out husbands in the 19th century leaving the wives at home. I'll bet that Feminist Mormon Housewives would love to see this happen.

This could be the premise of some erotic Mormon novel. That would be a real win for Satan!