NOM

My TBMs want desperately to be good. TBMs in general do, which is why many are so comfortable claiming the moral high ground in any discussion, even if their position is immoral.

The problem is that TBMs have to incorporate immoral things into their morality because of their belief in the church. Things like polygamy (including how it hurt young girls and women), blind obedience (given different names), shunning apostates, hating homosexuality but loving LGBTQ+ people, having the greatest good be to fall in line (give your will to the Lord), chastity emphasized over consent, etc. So you have this group that wants desperately to be good, but isn't.

Then you have people like me who wonder what good is anymore. That lack of a clear good makes it impossible to have that same level of desire. Though I still have a deep desire to be a good person, I just don't know exactly what that looks like. But clearing out the gross stuff from my definition of moral has made me a better person then I was before. So while I don't have the same zeal for good I had as a TBM, I am better than I was. But TBMs sometimes see that lack of zeal as a lack of good. And for me I see the problems with the TBM definition of good and see that zeal as misplaced and cultish. So the TBM and the apostate look down on each other, making it difficult to be in the same room.

The Golden Rule seems like a good place to start. You don't shun because you wouldn't want to be shunned. You don't accept people using priesthood authority to coerce people into polygamy because you wouldn't want to be coerced in that way. (We should remember that there were women who rightfully turned Joseph Smith and Brigham Young down.) You don't patronize LGBTQ people because you don't like being patronized.
The Golden Rule also teaches us to reach out to the misunderstood and oppressed. You defend those who are unrighteously coerced. In dealing with people with different standards or ideals you try to understand them, as you would hope they try to understand you.
Sadly, both TBM's and apostates forget to practice the Golden Rule.

A couple of things to help TBMs become better people:

1. Quit looking down on people. That entire idea of your being a Judge in Israel is flawed.
2. Embrace the concept of primum non nocere or "first do no harm".
3. Be inclusive of others without trying to proselytize them.

It's hard not to look down on others. I'm guilty. When I deal with others who willfully ignore information in order to protect their beliefs, it's hard for me not to feel superior. I fight it. I think Linked has it right. I know others at church are looking down on me because of my belief situations. I'm a big fan of the Golden Rule in theory, my practice needs improvement.