NOM

I had an opportunity to visit my mission this week. What an emotional tidal wave.

I visited the first person I baptized. He and his wife are faithful members of the church. He is the elders quorum president in his branch. He is a productive member of society. I totally pretended to believe still. I attended the 3rd hour of their meetings and he taught a lesson on how having faith in Christ can help us be self reliant. It was total magical worldview prosperity gospel bs. I had to come up with something to say about why having faith in Christ leads to self reliance. It didn't take long to realize how little we have in common, but I love those people and they love me and it was nice to reconnect.

I rode a bike around the streets of this small city in Japan just like I did many years ago. It was so fun. And so terror filled. My mission was so filled with fear. I didn't realize it until I went back. I was afraid I would get lost and I was afraid of how foreign it was. I was afraid I would offend the people and do something wrong. These were my emotional memories. I couldn't remember any of the area, except for how to get to our old apartment. When I first got there I didn't go to the bathroom for a week because I was so nervous. I hated knocking on doors and I hated talking to people. Not because I didn't believe it was the right thing to do, but because I am an introvert. It was hell. I wonder how much of my inability to remember the area is time and how much is a mental block. Probably time, but I wouldn't blame myself for blocking it.

I expected it to be more joyful. And there was joy and I'm glad I went, but man was there a lot of negative emotional memory there.

And powered bikes are amazing. I recommend all try them and ride around Japan.

I haven't been back to my mission, but I have gone back to my hometown. It's nice seeing high school friends and making small talk. However, at church it is quickly apparent how little I have in common with them. I tend to feel out of place wherever I'm at right now.

Linked wrote: ↑Mon Jun 18, 2018 11:13 pm I rode a bike around the streets of this small city in Japan just like I did many years ago. It was so fun.
...
I hated knocking on doors

*pointing to my nose* I also served in Japan.

I loved my mission and my time in Japan. I saw five baptisms during my mission. One doesn't count because that was my first area and I only transferred in a few days before the event. She is the only one of all five who is still active.

One, I found out later, only got baptized because she thought we had some kind of future together. I did not know that until she contacted me and asked if she could visit me in the US. Things got awkward. She later attended BYU (I did not go to BYU), but then dropped out and had her name removed from the church records after some other RM got a big possessive with her.

The remaining three all went inactive on their own within a year of baptism. I still keep in touch with one and she has gone on to live a really cool life sans religion.

I often see others express regret that they lead so many people to the church. I don't really have that weighing on me. But I do regret spending SO. MUCH. TIME. KNOCKING. DOORS. when I was in a beautiful country full of amazing people and things to see. I regret that I got to see so little of the country and its sites before I had to pack up and come home.

But, such is the life our parents birthed us into.

This is turning into a Japanese mission reunion...

I went back to my mission a couple of times for work (this was back in my TBM days). For one of them it was a couple years after my mission when I was still single and I stayed for several months. It was a lot of fun being there without the limitations of being a missionary. I met up with some members I knew from my mission days. One had come to the US and was a roommate at BYU for a year. We went out to dinner and they all ordered beer. That was my first clue that they were maybe not as active as they were before. We went to Tokyo Disneyland and had a lot of fun.

Through previous companions I checked up on all of the baptisms that I was involved with (I think it was around 10 although there was only one where I performed the baptism.) None of them are active. The church is slowly crumbling in Japan. Since 1999 the number of congregations has been going down steadily from 317 to 261 (-17.7%). There has not been a single year where the number of units has increased. The number of missions in Japan during that time has been from 6 to 9. So even with 1000-1500 missionaries working every day to find new converts, they are not able to maintain the small number of congregations they have there.

I went to Canada. Alberta and British Columbia are lovely provinces, but I have no real interest in going back. I don't have any connections to any Canadian people any longer. I learned how to drive in the worst of snow, but will have no regrets if I never have to use that talent again.

I am glad for a couple of things like seeing the northern lights while out on an empty highway. My companion and I stopped and got out to watch them for a few minutes. It was winter and bitter cold, but there was no wind and the night was otherwise silent. But the northern lights actually make a crackling sound if they are particularly large and the night is still. They filled the sky with vast green curtains.

Corsair wrote:I went to Canada. Alberta and British Columbia are lovely provinces, but I have no real interest in going back. I don't have any connections to any Canadian people any longer. I learned how to drive in the worst of snow, but will have no regrets if I never have to use that talent again.

I am glad for a couple of things like seeing the northern lights while out on an empty highway. My companion and I stopped and got out to watch them for a few minutes. It was winter and bitter cold, but there was no wind and the night was otherwise silent. But the northern lights actually make a crackling sound if they are particularly large and the night is still. They filled the sky with vast green curtains.

Your story about the Northern lights sounds like a story a GA would tell about how they made a commitment with God for the rest of their life after sensing the majesty of the moment.

FiveFingerMnemonic wrote: ↑Tue Jun 19, 2018 12:00 pm

Corsair wrote:I went to Canada. Alberta and British Columbia are lovely provinces, but I have no real interest in going back. I don't have any connections to any Canadian people any longer. I learned how to drive in the worst of snow, but will have no regrets if I never have to use that talent again.

I am glad for a couple of things like seeing the northern lights while out on an empty highway. My companion and I stopped and got out to watch them for a few minutes. It was winter and bitter cold, but there was no wind and the night was otherwise silent. But the northern lights actually make a crackling sound if they are particularly large and the night is still. They filled the sky with vast green curtains.

Your story about the Northern lights sounds like a story a GA would tell about how they made a commitment with God for the rest of their life after sensing the majesty of the moment.

Nope. It made me read up on what causes them (solar wind interacting with the earth's magnetic field). I was totally a believer, but this did not necessarily result in a renewal of my testimony. I am, however, deeply glad I got to see this.

I"m sure this is emblematic of anyone processing their mission experiences after a faith transition. There were a lot of experiences I had which were a complete waste of time like pretty much all of the tracting I inflicted on the good citizens of Canada. The missionary lessons are so thin on serious doctrine. I suppose it was character building, including running into the prostitute that was also a former Mormon. I didn't learn a language in Canada which is my only real regret for missionary service. But this is just one piece of the larger LDS experience up until I lost faith in the institution.

græy wrote: ↑Tue Jun 19, 2018 8:16 am *pointing to my nose* I also served in Japan.

oliblish wrote: ↑Tue Jun 19, 2018 9:23 am This is turning into a Japanese mission reunion...

Awesome! I think others on here went to Japan too!

I actually got stuck praying over lunch with the pointing the nose thing they do this weekend. It was fun to remember that. And I enjoyed praying in Japanese again, it's been a long time, and I got to tell my friends I loved them.

Linked wrote: ↑Wed Jun 20, 2018 12:49 am

græy wrote: ↑Tue Jun 19, 2018 8:16 am *pointing to my nose* I also served in Japan.

oliblish wrote: ↑Tue Jun 19, 2018 9:23 am This is turning into a Japanese mission reunion...

Awesome! I think others on here went to Japan too!

Me too!

I loved being in Japan for my mission. I just didn't love being a missionary. All the positive things I experienced there had nothing to do with being a missionary, while most of the negative things were because of being a missionary. I am embarrassed that I tried to convert such wonderful people to "the only true church," but luckily I had little success, and most of those I baptized are completely inactive. I wrote last year about finding out that a church building that was new when I arrived in an area was now unused - the branch was combined with another. I'm actually glad the church isn't growing there.

My mission really changed me. Prior to serving in Japan, I'd never been out of the country. I grew up in a small, extremely conservative Utah community. I regularly heard in my early years that I was lucky to be living in the only free country in the world (sort of a variation of being a member of the only true church). I came to realize that was bunk. I came to appreciate the good in other cultures, and to realize I can learn much from them. It was really the beginning of opening my eyes to reality, vs the "reality" the church had taught me. I don't regret serving. It made me a better person.

I've been fortunate to be able to visit Japan several times for work. I have to say its a LOT more fun as a non-believer.