NOM

Well I am coming here to talk about triumph, defeat, awesomeness, and crapshoot! This week will go down and very pivotal in my FC journey! So first and foremost for those that read my intro know that my wife the first time I left and was a worship leader was minor supportive and instead entrenched herself within the religion. Today she actually went with me to the new church I am attending, and she liked it. My kids came as well and were all telling me they preferred it. Big triumph! I also talked to the Senior Pastor and he agreed to be my mentor as I go through my program to become a pastor myself. Another huge win!

Now for the other part of my week on Friday one of my good friends and someone who was pivotal in me seeing the light for the first time took his life. I had just talked to him two days earlier and everything was good no clue what happened. I am still very much in denial about it all.

Also my brother just got made a bishop (and the family is totally fawning over him) They don't know yet that I have left. They are the type that are very conditional love parents especially surrounding church things. So, it will make telling them that much harder. Especially since this week I have decided to be baptized Christian. They will freak out hearing that I am getting baptized and definitely planting my flag in the new Faith. When I tell them next month I expect them to blowup fortunately my mentor has helped me know how to say it where hopefully some form of relationship can be saved for my kids sake.

The last thing I thought was weird and just shows me how deep the indoctrination goes is my CIL just ordained his son a deacon today and I had a little moment where I was like I won't be doing that for my son. Even though I know it's B.S. there was so much emphasis on these things growing up you feel like you are taking something away from your relationship with them. Even though you're making it stronger because you are building it on something real.


Sorry for the length it has been a week for sure!

That is a rough week, very sorry for your loss.

I’m glad you’ve found a mentor and someone willing to help you walk this path.

Well, you have had your share of excitement and/or stress this week. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. That is difficult to deal with. I lost my brother a few months ago and it's just hard. He was faithful LDS, but he suffered from PTS and depression and couldn't find a antidote. I hope you can remember the good times with your friend, and understand and work through the difficult feelings. Having suffered from depression myself has helped me not to blame my brother.
I've made this more about me than you. Sorry. Hang in there Cadahangel.
Good luck with your future plans.

Cadahangel wrote: ↑Sun May 27, 2018 10:43 pm
Now for the other part of my week on Friday one of my good friends and someone who was pivotal in me seeing the light for the first time took his life. I had just talked to him two days earlier and everything was good no clue what happened. I am still very much in denial about it all.

Death itself brings so many complicated and painful emotions. When the death is a suicide it throws another layer of complicated pain into the mix. I've lost 2 close friends to suicide. I also experienced a time in my life where I was suicidal. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

MoPag wrote: ↑Tue May 29, 2018 9:36 am

Cadahangel wrote: ↑Sun May 27, 2018 10:43 pm
Now for the other part of my week on Friday one of my good friends and someone who was pivotal in me seeing the light for the first time took his life. I had just talked to him two days earlier and everything was good no clue what happened. I am still very much in denial about it all.

Death itself brings so many complicated and painful emotions. When the death is a suicide it throws another layer of complicated pain into the mix. I've lost 2 close friends to suicide. I also experienced a time in my life where I was suicidal. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

Hugs4Cadahangel.png

Thanks, it has been really hard and I don't think I am fully out of Shock and Denial yet. The other part of me is kicking myself because something was telling me to reach out to him earlier that day and I didn't I know you go through what-ifs in these times it's just hard.

That's a roller coaster week to be sure.

Cadahangel wrote: ↑Sun May 27, 2018 10:43 pm Even though I know it's B.S. there was so much emphasis on these things growing up you feel like you are taking something away from your relationship with them.

I can empathise with this. I have a son who will be ready (possibly) for the MP in a year or so and possibly an endowment. I did these things for his older brothers, will it make him feel left out to not have me there for those things?

Cadahangel wrote: ↑Tue May 29, 2018 10:01 am

MoPag wrote: ↑Tue May 29, 2018 9:36 am

Cadahangel wrote: ↑Sun May 27, 2018 10:43 pm
Now for the other part of my week on Friday one of my good friends and someone who was pivotal in me seeing the light for the first time took his life. I had just talked to him two days earlier and everything was good no clue what happened. I am still very much in denial about it all.

Death itself brings so many complicated and painful emotions. When the death is a suicide it throws another layer of complicated pain into the mix. I've lost 2 close friends to suicide. I also experienced a time in my life where I was suicidal. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

Hugs4Cadahangel.png

Thanks, it has been really hard and I don't think I am fully out of Shock and Denial yet. The other part of me is kicking myself because something was telling me to reach out to him earlier that day and I didn't I know you go through what-ifs in these times it's just hard.

The what-ifs are the worst. It's normal to go there, but don't get lost in the what-ifs. One of my friends who died by suicide had been trying to convince me (weeks before-hand) to move up to Utah so we could hang out more. Like you, I didn't detect anything was wrong when I would talk to him. This a really sore what-if, because if I had moved I wouldn't have started dating my ex. We can't change the past, but we can do our best to honor our friends and support the surviving family members.