NOM

I really want to live a more authentic life.

I want to tell my family I’m bisexual. And I want them to know that that information doesn’t change the person I am. I’ve always been bisexual. So knowing it or not doesn’t change who I am, though it will likely change the way they see me.

I want to tell my family and friends that it’s ok for people to believe different things. I hate that the church creates this “believe and obey or be lost” feeling. My husband is an amazing person, and has become so much more compassionate, accepting, and Christlike (sorry babe) since he left the church. I admire that. And any God that would send him to hell because he doesn’t believe inspite of him being an amazing good person, is not a God I’m interested in.

I want to tell my family and friends that if the church were to be true, I would choose being an angel in a lesser kingdom over being “given” to a worthy priesthood holder that wasn’t my husband. Why in the world would I ever want to go where he isn’t?

I want to tell my family and friends that I just don’t believe in many of the doctrines of the church. And THAT’S OK. I’m still a good person with good values and I’m not going to go jump off the deep end with a bowling ball tied to my ankles. I believe in a God that loves us unconditionally, and just wants us to be kind and love people.

I want to tell my family and friends that the church created an environment in which I have a difficult time not judging people. And I’d like to move away from that. I’d like to stop judging and do more loving. Be kinder. Be less concerned with what people do and believe and more concerned with accepting them for being their own authentic selves.

I want to. But holy shit it’s scary.

Authenticity may be over-rated. We all hide aspects about ourselves that others might find unpleasant. Untidy bedrooms and pooping come to mind as examples of hiding our authentic selves.

I think what you may really want is to go live a new life. My recommendation is just go do it! without making people choose between you and their faith community. Good luck!

GoodBoy wrote: ↑Tue May 08, 2018 7:05 pm Authenticity may be over-rated. We all hide aspects about ourselves that others might find unpleasant. Untidy bedrooms and pooping come to mind as examples of hiding our authentic selves.

I think what you may really want is to go live a new life. My recommendation is just go do it! without making people choose between you and their faith community. Good luck!

I second that on authenticity. No one would like someone who was 100% authentic.

But that said, don’t be 100% fake either. Live the life you want to live, and not only will you be happier, you will also find out who your true friends are.

Not Buying It wrote: ↑Wed May 09, 2018 4:51 am

GoodBoy wrote: Authenticity may be over-rated. We all hide aspects about ourselves that others might find unpleasant. Untidy bedrooms and pooping come to mind as examples of hiding our authentic selves.

I think what you may really want is to go live a new life. My recommendation is just go do it! without making people choose between you and their faith community. Good luck!

I second that on authenticity. No one would like someone who was 100% authentic.

But that said, don’t be 100% fake either. Live the life you want to live, and not only will you be happier, you will also find out who your true friends are.

Thirds!

I remember the first time after getting married when my wife blew up the bathroom! I had no idea something so terribly smelling could come from her cute tushy! I thought only dudes were capable of such bathroom destruction. It was bad. We had gone to dinner at her parents house and ate her mother's meatloaf! We now skip Meatloaf Monday at the in-laws.

Now when she's acting 100% authentic I'll yell down the hall "shut the door and turn on the fan!"

It sounds like you want to lick other cupcakes and have it too! Go for it!

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Wed May 09, 2018 6:42 amThirds!

Fourths...

My thoughts while reading the OP: Be more authentic with the ones closest to you. Life will get better, your mental health will improve, and those further from your "inner circle" will notice. When those not in your inner circle ask what's different, you can decide if it's actually safe to be more authentic with more people, or you can simply tell them: "I'm happier because I'm being more authentic with those who are closest to me." That will likely really get their mind churning.

Man, you guys really piled it on deep against full authenticity!

OP, I want to be fully authentic too. I dream of just being openly me and lifting that huge weight off. It would be awesome.

Has anyone else noticed some TBMs lately deriding people in snarky tones for wanting to be authentic? I've heard this a couple of times and it sounds bizarre, as if they're saying "why do you get to be authentic while I have to keep phoning it in?"

GoodBoy wrote: ↑Tue May 08, 2018 7:05 pm Authenticity may be over-rated. We all hide aspects about ourselves that others might find unpleasant. Untidy bedrooms and pooping come to mind as examples of hiding our authentic selves.

Shakespeare might have added to the admonition of "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man", the exception to this being the choice of what parts of the private self go into the composition of the public self. We want to be authentic but without any deleterious consequences.

moksha wrote: ↑Wed May 09, 2018 6:49 pm We want to be authentic but without any deleterious consequences.

So true.

For now I will be authentic with my husband and kids. That seems like a good place to start anyways.

What if we replace the word authentic with the word genuine? Can you always be genuine without letting it all hang out 100% of the time? I think that is both possible and admirable. You owe it to your peace of mind to have boundaries with people, and imho that means sharing wisely. I like what Brene Brown said:

"Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: 'Who has earned the right to hear my story?' If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky."

I think authenticity gets a bad rap due to misinterpretation. It means: genuine. I think you can live with integrity, true to yourself and others, without walking around naked.

LucyHoneychurch wrote: ↑Wed May 09, 2018 10:41 pm What if we replace the word authentic with the word genuine? Can you always be genuine without letting it all hang out 100% of the time? I think that is both possible and admirable. You owe it to your peace of mind to have boundaries with people, and imho that means sharing wisely. I like what Brene Brown said:

"Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: 'Who has earned the right to hear my story?' If we have one or two people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories, and love us for our strengths and struggles, we are incredibly lucky. If we have a friend, or small group of friends, or family who embraces our imperfections, vulnerabilities, and power, and fills us with a sense of belonging, we are incredibly lucky."

I think authenticity gets a bad rap due to misinterpretation. It means: genuine. I think you can live with integrity, true to yourself and others, without walking around naked.

Yess!!!^^^^ Love this!!!

Isn't this conversation really about sexuality?

Let's talk about what that looks like in context of genuine authenticity?

Is it possible to be open about our sexuality with mormon friends and family? The minute anyone tells a Mormon they are anything but straight then everything else we want to be validated for gets ignored.

It's impossible to live a genuine authentic life inside Mormonism unless you fit the mold.