NOM

From what I understand, it's pretty natural to want to cling to one's belief. I spent 7 months or so wrestling with my belief and trying to cling to it in some sort of nuanced way. The mental gymnastics got pretty intense.

When I finally accepted that I no longer believed, the process of letting go began. It's amazing not feeling like I have to hold on to certain ideas. It's a process. I no longer have to do crazy mental gymnastics to maintain my position. I'm still insecure in my conclusions, but that's a vastly different thing from doing mental gymnastics.

I am able to live on my own terms now. I can do what I think is right. I am able to let go of old rules and embrace healthier, more mature rules instead. I have given up on black and white and embraced the gray- living in moderation rather than in extremes. I intend to replace the WoW with responsible moderation and general health awareness. The LoC is getting superseded by consent and respect with a standard against having casual sex. I have no intention of waiting until marriage at this point, though I will likely be cautious about losing my virginity.

High standards were never a problem. High standards keep you out of trouble. They give you something big to strive for. They help you become a better person. But they need to be built upon facts and data, not just feel-good sources and holy men.

Sounds like you have a very healthy approach, some people go crazy and break all of the old rules they can, that can be a disaster. You are smart to hold to some standards that you have developed independent of the old ones.

Yes, it is liberating - I no longer have to justify a belief in pure nonsense. Despite all the problems it has caused in my personal life, I will never regret accepting the truth and seeing the Church for what it is - and what it isn’t.

It is liberating! I didn't realize how mentally and emotionally exhausting mental gymnastics were until I stopped doing them!

I did extreme mental gymnastics to try to hold on to belief for about a month. Then, one Saturday night, without my permission, my subconscious mind extracted the tumor and traumatized surrounding tissues, and dumped them into the "ideological waste" bin. I woke up free and in an awful lot of pain.

I experienced blissful but tender freedom for about two days, and then I realized how complicated my new reality would be. It turns out that the mental gymnastics were much easier than the social gymnastics have been. I wouldn't trade it, though. Mentally, I'm free.

There is no doubt that faith transitions cause some problems. But losing the guilt has been extremely refreshing. I still attend, as many of you know. I hear directives from leadership for all kinds of things and I don't worry about it. Tithing, Sabbath Day observance, Rated R movies, underpants, coffee, home teaching, and defense of the church are all irrelevant restrictions to me.

I would still feel guilt if I actually caused harm to someone. The feelings of my wife are still very important to me and I would feel guilt if I offended her. But so much of the worst of LDS culture no longer affects me.

Perfigliano wrote: ↑Wed Apr 25, 2018 10:58 pmI am able to let go of old rules and embrace healthier, more mature rules instead.

Welcome to the world of grown-ups, a world that the church did its best to keep you from discovering.

I grew up with an intense interest and fascination in science but as I grew older I slowly withdrew myself from it because I kept bumping into so many things that caused cognitive dissonance. I reached a point where, although I didn't realize it at the time, I was pretty depressed and I had developed an attitude that it was more of less pointless to spend too much time thinking about things that will be answered with better clarity in the next life.

When I let go of my faith I suddenly had a ravenous appetite for science again. I started reading all about the real history of humankind and the real story of the ancient Americas. I started watching every documentary I could find about astronomy, cosmology, evolution. I retired early and returned full-time to college. It was like the entire universe opened up to me. Relief beyond words.

It's awesome to be a grown-up, even if I had to wait until my mid-50s to grow up!