NOM

Mindfulness meditation and the principles of mindfulness in general have now led me to secular Buddhism. I've started learning by reading
How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow, which I highly recommend to anyone experiencing chronic pain. You know, like everyone who gets chewed up and spit out by Mormonism does.

The point of secular Buddhism isn't to exist in some kind of Zen state where you're free of all attachments and suffering. Instead, it's to develop patterns of thought that relieve you from unnecessary suffering due to clinging to joy you can't keep or resisting sorrow you can't avoid.

The first principle of secular Buddhism is impermanence: the fact that everything that exists undergoes unrelenting change. The first examples the author gives of impermanence are things that Mormonism deals with the loss of by trying to deny the loss: health, youth, life, and being with loved ones.

Worried about illness? You could always get a priesthood blessing, and if it doesn't work, you're guaranteed to be resurrected in perfect health. (I used to cope with chronic health problems by looking forward to the resurrection, and until now had no other framework.) Also, the Lord's law of health. Health!

Concerned about old age? Trust in the folk interpretation of "renewing of their bodies" in the oath and covenant of the priesthood, or just look forward to the resurrection.

Overcome with dread about death? Don't worry, you'll be resurrected.

Afraid of being separated from loved ones? Do what we say and you'll be with them again.

But wait, there's more!

Angst over the possibility of financial trouble? Prosperity gospel to the rescue!

Friends and family having faith crises? You don't need to worry! As long as you do A, B and C, your beliefs will always fit inside this little box.

Don't like the idea that the "eternal truths" of the gospel have changed? They haven't! That's what the word "eternal" means, duh. We've always been at war with Eastasia, we put ellipses in the manuals, and we're very selective about facts. Follow the prophet!

Mormonism is all about obtaining certainty and chasing guarantees. Secular Buddhism is all about embracing uncertainty and wisely giving up guarantees.

Most exmos and NOMs notice that Mormons tend to be terrible at dealing with other people's profound grief. Until today, I had thought it was because Mormonism teaches members to put off anticipating or experiencing loss due to death. Now I think it's much more far-reaching: it teaches members to put off anticipating or experiencing any loss at all. It's like morphine for the soul.

This is very thought-provoking. Throughout my faith crisis (and quite a bit before, when I was doing depression counseling), I have made a similar paradigm shift. It has been liberating to let go of certainty.

I recently went to Les Miserables in London. I found myself looking at Javert in an entirely new light. I could feel and understand his pain. I used to be so certain. These lyrics reached out to me and I think are related to the Mormon avoidance of loss and uncertainty.

And must I now begin to doubt,
Who never doubted all these years?
My heart is stone and still it trembles
The world I have known is lost in shadow.
Is he from heaven or from hell?
And does he know
That granting me my life today
This man has killed me even so?
I am reaching, but I fall
And the stars are black and cold
As I stare into the void


Read more: Les Misérables - Original London Cast - Javert's Soliloquy Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Reuben wrote: ↑Sun Apr 22, 2018 12:15 pm Most exmos and NOMs notice that Mormons tend to be terrible at dealing with other people's profound grief. Until today, I had thought it was because Mormonism teaches members to put off anticipating or experiencing loss due to death. Now I think it's much more far-reaching: it teaches members to put off anticipating or experiencing any loss at all. It's like morphine for the soul.

To expand on this a little, in putting off loss, Mormonism does teach a weak form of impermanence of sorrow - if you're a good Mormon. If you obey, then eventually, all joys last forever, and all sorrows pass away.

And to be fair, maybe sometimes morphine - denying sorrow by looking forward to its permanent end - is exactly what the soul needs. Even non-secular Buddhists look forward to an eventual liberation (moksha) from the otherwise endless cycle of rebirth and death. As a bonus, morphine for the soul works whether or not the sorrow it numbs is a necessary reaction to actual loss.

I guess my biggest critique of Mormonism with respect to impermanence is related to two things.

• Spiritual morphine gets used for sorrow due to every actual or anticipated loss.
• Spiritual morphine works better the more certain you are that it works.

This creates a people dependent on spiritual morphine who are extremely averse to imagining it not working. If they see that morphine doesn't ease your sorrow, they'll try to inject more, call you to repentance, or whatever they need to do to maintain their belief that the morphine always works. See, if it were possible for it to not work when doing A, B and C, then because they're doing A, B and C, they would have to deal with anticipating all the losses they deny, as well as a possible loss of Mormon identity. Awesome.

Also, to be fair, it ain't just Mormonism that does this. I've heard that, weirdly enough, there are forms of Buddhism that do it as well. Mormonism just has the religious ideology I'm most familiar with.

Also, to be fair, a material version of impermanence is taught (at least) in the two most depressing books in the Bible.

Job wrote: Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.

Nowadays I'm a little miffed about the restoration of everything good at the end of Job, though.

Solomon, in Ecclesiastes wrote: The race is not to the swift
or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
or wealth to the brilliant
or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

Perfigliano wrote: ↑Sun Apr 22, 2018 1:20 pm This is very thought-provoking. Throughout my faith crisis (and quite a bit before, when I was doing depression counseling), I have made a similar paradigm shift. It has been liberating to let go of certainty.

I sometimes wish that everyone would do CBT for this and addressing other cognitive distortions.

So I went searching for a list of common cognitive distortions that therapy addresses, hoping to find one that lists "Need for Certainty," and instead I found this one:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common- ... stortions/

I can see how almost every one of them is reinforced by Mormonism. I might do a series on Mormonism vs. cognitive distortions as I work through the ones that cause problems for me.

Unbroken wrote: ↑Sun Apr 22, 2018 3:22 pm I recently went to Les Miserables in London. I found myself looking at Javert in an entirely new light. I could feel and understand his pain. I used to be so certain. These lyrics reached out to me and I think are related to the Mormon avoidance of loss and uncertainty.

And must I now begin to doubt,
Who never doubted all these years?
My heart is stone and still it trembles
The world I have known is lost in shadow.
Is he from heaven or from hell?
And does he know
That granting me my life today
This man has killed me even so?
I am reaching, but I fall
And the stars are black and cold
As I stare into the void

Thanks for this.

I wonder if I would have found Javert's reasons for suicide to be too unrealistic back in my TBM days. Now I'm not sure. I need to see Les Miserables I guess.

Also, I'm a little jealous. :p

Reuben wrote: ↑Sun Apr 22, 2018 12:15 pm Mormonism is all about obtaining certainty and chasing guarantees. Secular Buddhism is all about embracing uncertainty and wisely giving up guarantees.

I really like this idea. I have enjoyed the Secular Buddhism Podcast and have found the ideas of impermanence and mindfulness very helpful.