NOM

I've definitively concluded that I no longer believe and I see no point in attending anyway as a single man.

I skipped church last week because of stake conference and I really don't feel like torturing myself this week and going anyway. Life's too short to dedicate 3 hours of my Sunday to a church I don't believe in or really want to be a part of.

Now I have this god-shaped hole in my life and I'm not sure what to fill it with. Suggestions?

When I stopped attending, I seriously underestimated the effect of loss of community on my emotional well-being. If your ward was the largest community you had aside from your family, start on replacing it. As helpful and nice as these online ones are, they barely count.

As for my own God-shaped hole, I'm enjoying a fresh, thoroughly secular take on Jesus. I've also just taken up secular Buddhism, and I'm finding it much more useful and enjoyable than I thought I would.

I would be with you. The LDS church has virtually nothing to attract single men except for the chance to get married to a Mormon girl. I can't imagine being active if I were single.

But you certainly have focused on one central problem of leaving a high demand religion. What do you do with your Second Saturday? I can think of several things I might do, but that only reflects my personality and interests. What are the interests that you can now focus upon?

The god-shaped hole is different for each of us. Some go to church for the community, some go for the spirit. I was happier just learning the god-shaped hole was not shaped like a church.

Perfigliano wrote: ↑Sun Apr 22, 2018 10:55 am
Now I have this god-shaped hole in my life and I'm not sure what to fill it with. Suggestions?

My guess is that that hole in your life isn't God, but something masquerading as God. Spend your time figuring out what that is, then fill that hole with girl scout cookies. Works every time.

Reuben wrote: ↑Sun Apr 22, 2018 11:13 am When I stopped attending, I seriously underestimated the effect of loss of community on my emotional well-being. If your ward was the largest community you had aside from your family, start on replacing it. As helpful and nice as these online ones are, they barely count.

The community wasn't really there for me in the first place. YSA wards don't leave much room for introverted nerds like myself, so I don't really have much of a community right now. I had a really good ward for the 2 years immediately following my mission, but I came to realize that's a rare find.

But we'll see. It may have a bigger impact than I expect. For all I know, I could be underestimating the impact as well.

My god shaped hole looks like this and I'm trying to fill it:



Could be you find your purpose rolling along some beautiful road.

I’ve been to one exmo meetup on a Sunday morning and really enjoyed it. If I’m in town for the next one, I’ll be there.

Finding community is important, but so is some time for you to process what you’re going through. A hobby is great for that. I bought a motorcycle and enjoy riding that from time to time. I took a fly-fishing class. I am married with kids, so sometimes they’ll stay home and we’ll go do things together. Just taking the dog for a walk while everyone else is at church has been cathartic for me.

Secular hobbies, I recommend something outdoors with other people.

I feel very similarly. My attendance has decreased to about once a month. I get zero from church. My kids all hate church. I'm about ready to call it quits. I would like to do something other than sleeping all day. I want to do some type of service with my family once a month. Not church service, but something to contribute to society.

Try and get caught up with the fam on Sunday if that's feasible. I look at Sunday as a catch-up day, if I was extra lazy on Sat. Or if I did good on Saturday with the honey dos I might just fart around on Sunday. It took a while for me to get over the guilt as I watched neighbors drive to and from church. Now I wouldn't have it any other way.

I prefer to worship at the church of the great blue dome. DW and I actually have a bit of a routine. Morning it is brunch. A number of the restaurants in my area will do up special Sunday brunch menus, so it is a good way to try new dishes. Or will will do up brunch at home. Today we got a trial Blue Apron meal that we made together. Barbecue Chick Tacos with Sweet Potato Fries and I did up dirty chai caramel Lattes. I have been learning how to make and work with espresso. Afternoons are usually spent at the barn with our horses.

What to do with a Sunday? What do you like doing? Use the day to go do something you enjoy. Go ride a bike, or golf, or drive, or run or whatever. Don't know what you enjoy, then try a bunch of different stuff and see what you want to do more of.

The last 2 weeks, I went on walks around a city park instead of going to church. It's relaxing.

I'm still insecure in my unbelief. I'm sure that will pass eventually.

But...where will you go? What will you do?

In all seriousness, though, I feel for you and what lies ahead. I used to be so immersed in Mormonism that I couldn't conceive of what else I would do either, so this is a real concern. Over the last five years or so, I threw myself into hanging out with family, which I still do, I tried to build my career better (that didn't work out so well) and now I just read what I want, watch what I want, do what I want, and post here occasionally.

I would say my life is full, I'm doing the things I want to do, not the things I felt I had to do. I still go to church, I have a calling again (that's a great story for another day) but I'm still focused on all these other things. It does get better, but it is a process. Good luck with yours!

How about filling the hole with adventures and tales of discovering this beautiful world we were told would be a dark and dreary place! Fill it with new ideas, thoughts, people, places and anything else you find along the way!