NOM

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2018 12:18 pm**

Without outing myself too much-

My child is on a competitive sports team. We regularly travel out of state for tournaments and stay in hotels with the team. On the team is a very orthodox TBM family and another TBM family that seems a little more liberal.

We just traveled to a hotel that hosted a happy hour in the evening. We all sat around and caught up with each other and enjoyed the light refreshments.

I am happy to report that I enjoyed more than one moscato during the happy hour. It took a lot of courage for me to do it because the orthodox family is close friends with some of my family. I will say once the wife saw me drinking, she and her DH got up and went to their room for the evening. I on the other hand stayed out with the other parents and had a great time.

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2018 1:26 pm**

And what does that staunch TBM couple think Jesus would do?
I think he would be sitting there socializing with you and the other couple and making water into Moscato!

Cheers!

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2018 1:35 pm**

That is a tough call. On one hand, you do not wish to give offense but on the other, you want to live your life as you see fit.

Either way, the burden of being judgmental is on their shoulders.

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2018 2:04 pm**

crossmyheart wrote: ↑Fri Apr 20, 2018 12:18 pm Without outing myself too much-

I doubt very seriously that any TBM member of my ward even knows that this site even exists, let alone peruse it because Satan and all...

But if they did, and if I had posted such specific details about a recent event I wouldn't think it would take much for them to figure out who I was.

Which gets to a question. Does anyone here worry about members of their ward (or stake) reading our posts, putting 2 and 2 together, then tattling the appropriate authority? Does that even happen?

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2018 2:21 pm**

JustHangingOn@57 wrote: ↑Fri Apr 20, 2018 2:04 pm
crossmyheart wrote: ↑Fri Apr 20, 2018 12:18 pm Without outing myself too much-
I doubt very seriously that any TBM member of my ward even knows that this site even exists, let alone peruse it because Satan and all...

But if they did, and if I had posted such specific details about a recent event I wouldn't think it would take much for them to figure out who I was.

Which gets to a question. Does anyone here worry about members of their ward (or stake) reading our posts, putting 2 and 2 together, then tattling the appropriate authority? Does that even happen?

I don't worry about tattling to church authorities. I'd probably welcome the confrontation. Just as with children, I think tattling says more about the tattler than the person being tattled on. But I do worry about family members reading things and feeling hurt. My inlaws are all really pious TBMs and I doubt they know this site, or any others like it exist. My family on the other hand are almost all NOMs and exmos with one TBM still hanging on. I don't think I say anything hurtful or cruel on here, but the fact that I am communicating with people about things of a sometimes personal nature or that I am finding comfort/confiding in people other than my family could be hurtful. Other posts might be misconstrued. Or maybe I just really want to complain about something. So I guess I just like having a personal and private space away from my family or people who know me.

For example, I found my brother on exmo reddit when he posted a selfie. I already knew he was exmo, so no surprise, but now I knew his reddit name and I looked through his history. There was one post where he said something untrue and unkind about me. It really hurt. I don't know if he was angry, or it made his story sound better, or he was trying to be anonymous or maybe he really believed it, but I was really hurt. I never confronted him. Honestly, it was his personal and anonymous reddit post. It was none of my business. But I worry about my spouse or parents stumbling upon this, reading it, and having hurt feelings for one reason or another.

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2018 2:58 pm**

crossmyheart wrote: ↑Fri Apr 20, 2018 12:18 pm I am happy to report that I enjoyed more than one moscato during the happy hour. It took a lot of courage for me to do it because the orthodox family is close friends with some of my family. I will say once the wife saw me drinking, she and her DH got up and went to their room for the evening.

Hmm... Was Mrs. Orthodox TBM drinking anything? Did Mrs. Orthodox TBM ask what you were drinking?

Ginger Ale looks a lot like Moscato you know. Rum and Coke looks a lot like Coke too...

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2018 3:03 pm**

Way to rip the band-aid right off!

Posted: **Fri Apr 20, 2018 5:37 pm**

crossmyheart wrote: ↑Fri Apr 20, 2018 12:18 pm I am happy to report that I enjoyed more than one moscato during the happy hour. It took a lot of courage for me to do it because the orthodox family is close friends with some of my family. I will say once the wife saw me drinking, she and her DH got up and went to their room for the evening. I on the other hand stayed out with the other parents and had a great time.

.... you never know, maybe it was their que to run back to the room and pop open their own secret stash .... When my UBER TBM mom passed we found all sorts of have drank wine and coffee hidden in the back of her closet... One never knows!

Posted: **Sat Apr 21, 2018 7:42 am**

JustHangingOn@57 wrote: ↑Fri Apr 20, 2018 2:04 pm Which gets to a question. Does anyone here worry about members of their ward (or stake) reading our posts, putting 2 and 2 together, then tattling the appropriate authority? Does that even happen?

It does occasionally happen, but it's rarer than most people think. Or worry about. Mostly you have to be a lot more known than just posting here for anyone to pay enough attention. Pretty much the only ones who care what goes on here in this little tiny corner of the world are those who are in the same boat, disaffected with the church. In a couple of instances, someone has had someone in their ward do the private investigator bit and sleuth them down to report them. Over many years and lots of people I think there have only been a couple of instances.

Much more commonly what happens is that someone here puts it together and reconnects with someone they knew. Or you realize someone else is near you and make new friends. Long ago in the history of this forum I shared some information that easily outed my identity to a couple of my high school friends. They contacted me and we shared the similarities and differences in our stories since high school. I hadn't recognized them but they had easily recognized me from some comments.

TBMs don't feel comfortable around places like this and they don't usually pay attention long enough to put two and two together.

Posted: **Sat Apr 21, 2018 5:38 pm**

MerrieMiss wrote: ↑Fri Apr 20, 2018 2:21 pm
JustHangingOn@57 wrote: ↑Fri Apr 20, 2018 2:04 pm
crossmyheart wrote: ↑Fri Apr 20, 2018 12:18 pm Without outing myself too much-
I doubt very seriously that any TBM member of my ward even knows that this site even exists, let alone peruse it because Satan and all...

But if they did, and if I had posted such specific details about a recent event I wouldn't think it would take much for them to figure out who I was.

Which gets to a question. Does anyone here worry about members of their ward (or stake) reading our posts, putting 2 and 2 together, then tattling the appropriate authority? Does that even happen?
I don't worry about tattling to church authorities. I'd probably welcome the confrontation. Just as with children, I think tattling says more about the tattler than the person being tattled on. But I do worry about family members reading things and feeling hurt. My inlaws are all really pious TBMs and I doubt they know this site, or any others like it exist. My family on the other hand are almost all NOMs and exmos with one TBM still hanging on. I don't think I say anything hurtful or cruel on here, but the fact that I am communicating with people about things of a sometimes personal nature or that I am finding comfort/confiding in people other than my family could be hurtful. Other posts might be misconstrued. Or maybe I just really want to complain about something. So I guess I just like having a personal and private space away from my family or people who know me.

For example, I found my brother on exmo reddit when he posted a selfie. I already knew he was exmo, so no surprise, but now I knew his reddit name and I looked through his history. There was one post where he said something untrue and unkind about me. It really hurt. I don't know if he was angry, or it made his story sound better, or he was trying to be anonymous or maybe he really believed it, but I was really hurt. I never confronted him. Honestly, it was his personal and anonymous reddit post. It was none of my business. But I worry about my spouse or parents stumbling upon this, reading it, and having hurt feelings for one reason or another.

That is exactly my concern. My family knows that I am inactive. But I do use this forum to complain about said family. If they were to ever read it I know there would be hurt feelings.

Posted: **Sat Apr 21, 2018 6:32 pm**

crossmyheart wrote: ↑Fri Apr 20, 2018 12:18 pm Without outing myself too much-

My child is on a competitive sports team. We regularly travel out of state for tournaments and stay in hotels with the team. On the team is a very orthodox TBM family and another TBM family that seems a little more liberal.

We just traveled to a hotel that hosted a happy hour in the evening. We all sat around and caught up with each other and enjoyed the light refreshments.

I am happy to report that I enjoyed more than one moscato during the happy hour. It took a lot of courage for me to do it because the orthodox family is close friends with some of my family. I will say once the wife saw me drinking, she and her DH got up and went to their room for the evening. I on the other hand stayed out with the other parents and had a great time.

Travel sports is outing us too, I think. My daughter is on a team that does play on Sundays and I'm not hiding that fact from people.

Posted: **Sun Apr 22, 2018 7:08 am**

My DW actually found my profile here and on Reddit. She let me know, but also wanted me to know she understood why I needed a place to go like this.

Now if there’s something I think she should see on Reddit, I’ll comment on it. That’s not the only reason I comment things of course, but if there’s a link to some new interesting thing I didn’t know about the church, I will.

Same thing here, but I’ll actually tell her if I write something I want her to read.

It’s made it easier for me to share my feelings with her. I’m getting better at it, but I still find some things easier to write.

NOM

Imbibing in front of TBM's

Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's

Re: Imbibing in front of TBM's