NOM

I didn’t want to talk about this originally. I feel like it’s identifying if anyone knows us and it’s personal and I’m a private kind of person. And I tried to write a post about it without specifying the problem, but it came out sounding really weird or kinky or both. Anyway, I think I solved my garment problem. I’m not sure what I really wanted to know in my other post, other than was I really responsible for taking care of all garment related problems in my marriage?

The garment problem is difficult enough in a marriage where one partner no longer believes, but my problem has a little twist to it that has caused some serious disagreement. Here’s the quandary:

When my son was a baby he chose his father’s garment tops as his comfort item – “daddy shirt,” he calls it. Daddy shirt is necessary anywhere a security blanket would be. It comes in the car, he goes to sleep with it. He watches movies with it, listens to stories. He uses it to make couplings for the trains he builds. He wears it out in the yard (when dad isn’t home). When he crawls inside of it he is a turtle. It is with him all of the time. Linus and his blanket = my son and daddy shirt.

We have rules about it: if it leaves the house, it stays in the car (no taking it in the store for example). I treat it the same as I would any other comfort object. It’s a nifty comfort object though, because we have a lot of them, and if it gets dirty it goes into the wash and out comes another one!

Of course the catch is that this object isn’t a blanket at all – it’s my husband’s super sacred and secret undershirt. My husband was not pleased about this when it began. He’s come to a place of being sort of okay with it, but he gets very upset and defensive about it in certain circumstances: he is not okay with our son wearing it or taking it outside, and was horrified when his parents watched the kids for the weekend because of course, the daddy shirt had to come too. He is also upset because these are his garments (“his underwear,” he says, although I point out it is just the shirt, not the bottoms) and our kid is destroying them.

This has presented an unusual set of problems for us surrounding garments. Now, I may not have handled this the best way possible, but in my mind, they were his garments and if he didn’t want our kid wearing him he could have bought a pack of white t-shirts. He could have bought new ones and not let our son use those ones. Or something. But the problem was mine because…I’m the mom, I guess? Anyway, I let it go. I did try another shirt for a while, but my son didn’t want anything to do with a counterfeit daddy shirt.

Why is this a problem now?

My kid is having surgery. He needs his daddy shirt. Last time I took him to the hospital by myself for diagnostic testing and I let him keep it. But my husband is coming to the surgery and spending all day at the hospital with us this week. And I am not telling my kid he can’t have the shirt because his dad gets embarrassed that his “underwear” is out for the hospital staff to see.

When I talked to the nurse at the hospital this week she told me my kid gets to keep his security item with him at all times – even while under the anesthetic – and he gets to wake up with it.

So I think I solved my problem: I took two garment tops and a seam ripper and tore out the markings and then I took red thread and made one small marking on each one. Problem solved! I think it is anyway.

My solution makes daddy shirt just a plain ordinary shirt (no markings). It’s no longer a garment. Hopefully my husband is okay with this and doesn’t think I altered them in some way. I thought about just cutting out the markings, but a nipple-less shirt seemed way more weird and attention grabbing than an old ratty top.

*Weird detail about that red thread: years ago when husband last bought garments there was a top that had red thread on it, used to sew up a mistake the sewer had made. It happened to be my son’s favorite daddy shirt – the one with the red thread – thus, the red thread I used to mark the old shirts, just like his favorite!

That's a pretty unique one. And it sounds like you've come up with a good solution, as long as your son accepts it. The specifics of this situation certainly move it from the realm of what we were talking about. I don't know that there's an easy answer for who needs it solve it, but I suppose it is whoever can figure out a solution and be the most mature.

It's a little like, What if a kid decided their mom's bra was their security? That would feel pretty weird, but fundamentally it's just some pieces of cloth.

That is so sweet. Kids are cute.

It sounds like you have a really great solution, hopefully all parties are satisfied.

Jeffret wrote: ↑Wed Apr 18, 2018 3:34 pm It's a little like, What if a kid decided their mom's bra was their security? That would feel pretty weird, but fundamentally it's just some pieces of cloth.

I would say it is a step less weird than a bra, because a bra is real underwear, where a garment top is a t-shirt that we call underwear. It's hard to tell the difference unless you look close. I accidentally wore my brothers garment top to wrestling practice once in high school because I couldn't tell the difference.

A few options come to mind depending on his age. This sounds like a big enough event that you can use to pivot away from the old and into something new with a little convincing and persuasion.

1. You resolved the issue with your seam ripper. Don't worry about it and let your son be comforted with it. Don't worry about your husbands concerns. It's just a T-shirt now.

2. Take your son shopping for a "special surgery T-shirt" and let him choose something new like a Cookie Monster or Elmo t-shirt. Explain to him that the other one is old and dirty and that the doctors will only let him have something new and clean. Give him freedom to choose his own out of two options you set up.

3. If he's still stuck on daddy's t-shirt, take him to your closet and have him pick out a new one that he can take with him. Use the too dirty to perform surgery excuse.

MerrieMiss, I can tell this whole saga has caused you grief, but... have you ever laughed at the absurdity of it all? This kind of story is family reunion gold. I can imagine my grandma telling the story and everyone busting a gut - well, everyone but the uncle who used grandpa's underwear as a security item.

Probably not enough distance, though. I like your solution, and I hope it works out for you.

At the risk of identifying myself, I've got a fun garment story. Long ago, before my dad wore out his garment bottoms and experienced the resulting gentle breeze, back when he was dating my mom, he strained his back badly. He woke the next morning unable to get out of bed on his own. Of course, Mormon men in Utah sleep as nakedly as they can, which means in nothing but their polygamy PJs. Thus attired, alone in the house, and needing badly to feed the commode, he waited for the prearranged time that his girlfriend would arrive. When she rang the doorbell, he called to her from his bedroom. My mom let herself in, and while suitably embarrassed to find him in his immodest state of undress, helped him to and from the little boys' room and brought him breakfast.

Later at home, she related the story to my grandma. Unknown to them, my grandpa had been listening in from the other room. My grandpa... well, imagine Hulk Hogan, overly gravelly tough-guy voice and all, but with short hair. He was the kind of Mormon who had repented of drinking, smoking, fighting, tattooing his arms, and owning two Harleys. Anyway, in the middle of my mom's story, he burst into the room with an intensely stern look on his face, and in his best tough-guy voice shouted, "You saw him in his GARMS? You HAVE to marry him now!"

And thus my parents proudly claim to have had a shotgun wedding in the temple.

Linked wrote: ↑Wed Apr 18, 2018 4:03 pm I would say it is a step less weird than a bra, because a bra is real underwear, where a garment top is a t-shirt that we call underwear. It's hard to tell the difference unless you look close. I accidentally wore my brothers garment top to wrestling practice once in high school because I couldn't tell the difference.

I agree, which is why I selected that example. But, to counter that, the garment, to a believer, has a significant degree of sacredness / secretness that augments the weirdness. When it comes right down to it, though, they're just pieces of fabric so I'm not entirely sure why we make a big deal of it.

One of my kids used my garments as his comfort item, but luckily, he only did it when I was wearing them, and he outgrew it by the time he was weaned. He used to reach his hand up on my shoulder and rub the fabric between his fingers when I was nursing him. The only embarrassing story about this is that one day someone else was holding him while I was teaching primary, and he reached into her shirt to feel her garments. She was a little surprised, but he was a baby, so it was all fine in the end.

I think your seam ripper solution honors both people in this situation. Working with kids in medical settings, I wouldn't care at all if an anxious kid brought in a random item as their comfort item. Whatever it takes. When my kid had surgery at 2, he was insistent that he needed his lighting mcqueen boots. The nurse just took them off him after he was under. Not worth the argument.

Can I say I love your son MM?

From the mouths of babes eh? He already knows: It's just a shirt.

I love this story. I think your solution speaks to your love for your family. Best wishes for your son's surgery, even simple surgeries are stressful.

One thought is to get some basic white t-shirts or undershirts from your local Walmart or equivalent. You can add in a red thread yourself if you are handy with a needle and thread, or know someone who is.. Have your husband make a show about wearing it around the house for a few hours. Once it is established as his, you can give it to your son. Play it up for your husband to take it off and give it to your son. Just make sure you wash it before his surgery.

It;s new and clean and no markings. That should satisfy everyone.

Just for laughs...A friend of ours has a sort of similar "family member" who uses his garments as security...only his "family member" is his pet ferret. The ferret digs in the dirty clothes for a worn pair of his garment bottoms, then takes them to a hiding place to line his nest to sleep. The ferret like a new dirty pair every day, so then our friend has to go to all the hiding places his ferret sleeps and find them and throw them in the washing machine before the ferret can reclaim them. He thinks the ferret likes them because they smell of him. But you think your son's security blanket is a problem, at least your son is not taking them under the couch, behind the washing machine, behind the clothing in the closet, up on the top shelf of storage behind all the boxes. And we had a cat who swiped my husbands dirty socks and we would find them in the strangest places. We finally had to start keeping our bedroom door closed because too many socks disappeared out the pet door.

Babies also respond to clothing that has the smell of their parent on them. The smell is comforting because it is like being held closely by the loved one. This thing about the smell of a parent being comforting when the parent is not there is really a compliment to your husband. It means the boy feels safe and protected by daddy and when daddy can't be there, then the smell is comforting. And have you ever traded pillows with your out of town spouse, so you can go to sleep with the smell of them close by? I admit that I do that.

Thanks for the replies. I love my little kid. He really does know it's just a shirt.

Unfortunately the surgery has been postponed, so the garment issue did not come up as expected. Instead, while folding clothes last night, it came up. My husband is 100% okay with my solution, he's even happy about it. The markings are gone so the shirt is just a shirt now. Apparently the issue crossed his mind fleetingly. It annoys me he never brought it up, but neither did I. We have serious communication issues.

Here's something I don't understand: If the garment is a special protection, if it's sacred and a reminder of covenants and does all sorts of special stuff for the person who wears it, wouldn't a TBM think that the fact my kids needs and wants it is super special and indication of the Holy Ghost communicating to him or giving special priesthood comfort or protection or something to him, especially during a frightening time? Wouldn't the garment actually be fulfilling it's purpose? My husband is pretty rational, so I don't even want to go there with that thought. But I've wondered about it.

MerrieMiss wrote: ↑Wed Apr 25, 2018 10:01 am Here's something I don't understand: If the garment is a special protection, if it's sacred and a reminder of covenants and does all sorts of special stuff for the person who wears it, wouldn't a TBM think that the fact my kids needs and wants it is super special and indication of the Holy Ghost communicating to him or giving special priesthood comfort or protection or something to him, especially during a frightening time? Wouldn't the garment actually be fulfilling it's purpose? My husband is pretty rational, so I don't even want to go there with that thought. But I've wondered about it.

Nope. It's only special AFTER you've been endowed. Your kid doesn't have a right to the blessings of the temple garment. It only fulfills it's purpose after the member has been shackled and locked in for life!

Sorry to hear the surgery was postponed. Glad to hear your working through these issues.