NOM

Friends and family:

There have been some big changes in my life lately. A few months ago, I decided to leave the Mormon church. For many of my friends, this doesn’t have much meaning. That’s okay, but please be respectful - this is not the time or place to ask if I’ll go get a beer with you.

For those of my friends and family that this is a big deal for, I understand. Please know that I spent many years trying to regain a testimony. I will not go into specifics of what doubts and questions caused me to lose my faith. It is not my desire to convince anyone that I am right and they are wrong. I won’t shy away from questions, but I won’t give my opinion in a public post, so as to preserve the feelings and testimony of my family and friends that are happy in the church.

This decision was not reached easily. I can promise all of you reading this, it’s not the easy way out. I did not leave the church or lose my testimony because of unresolved sins, a desire to sin, laziness, or any of the other reasons automatically assumed when someone leaves the church. I have never spent more time wrestling with a decision. I've never laid awake more nights wondering which way I should go or how it would affect my family. Even posting this is incredibly hard because I recognize the effect it will have on many of my close relationships.

Until this week I was content to keep pretending, among most of you, that I was still in the church. For those of you that are in my ward, I’m sure I would have just seemed to have become inactive. This week some prett terrible revelations about the church failing to protect young missionaries in the MTC from a sexual predator, who also happened to be the MTC president, and subsequently trying to discredit his accuser when she went public forced my hand.

I will no longer be silent. I will no longer pretend for anyone that I am associated with a church that would treat its young people, trying to serve faithfully, with such disregard in order to protect the name of the church.

I hope that all of you will realize that I am still the same person I was before I made this announcement. I am a good person. I love my kids and my wife, I want nothing but the best for them. The overwhelming majority of children are raised in this world without the church and are happy, well-adjusted people. My kids will be able to choose for themselves whether they believe or not. I will support them no matter what and I will do everything I can to help them be good people.

I hope our association with each other is as important to you as it is to me. If you feel like you need to unfriend me or break off contact, I understand. I’m sad you feel that way, but I understand.

For those that are saddened by my decision, I sympathize with you. I've been where you are at now, when a loved one seems to turn their back on the things they (and you) believe in. It's hard to watch and it's hard to understand. Please understand that this is not a rejection of you. Just know that I am okay and that I am happy.

crossmyheart wrote: ↑Thu Mar 22, 2018 12:03 pm I wish I had the courage to post something like this. I love the 3rd paragraph the most- probably sums up all of our shared experience.

Thanks for sharing.

Interested to hear how well it is accepted.

May your voice be heard in such a way that you are never the stifled warrior.

Thanks, it's nice to not feel stifled anymore.

IT_Veteran wrote: I will no longer be silent. I will no longer pretend

IT_Veteran wrote: ↑Thu Mar 22, 2018 4:09 pm Lol, thanks. The responses have still been largely positive. I've had a few PM's to express disappointment with my decision. So far one wanting more information about what caused me to doubt and helped me to make the decision.

IT_Veteran if you keep airing your greviences against the Church for the actions of a few mortal and fallible men in a public forum that your children have access to I will predict three things. You will turn them against the Church. You will continue to break your Mother's heart. You will make me understand more fully exactly how Alma and Mosiah felt.
Your Mother has been crying non-stop since your last post. Please use restraint and realize that the Church is run by men, subject to the temptations of the world, not perfect beings.

IT_Veteran wrote:Looks like the other shoe has dropped. This is from my dad this evening:

IT_Veteran if you keep airing your greviences against the Church for the actions of a few mortal and fallible men in a public forum that your children have access to I will predict three things. You will turn them against the Church. You will continue to break your Mother's heart. You will make me understand more fully exactly how Alma and Mosiah felt.
Your Mother has been crying non-stop since your last post. Please use restraint and realize that the Church is run by men, subject to the temptations of the world, not perfect beings.

IT_Veteran wrote: ↑Thu Mar 22, 2018 10:19 pm Looks like the other shoe has dropped. This is from my dad this evening:

IT_Veteran if you keep airing your greviences against the Church for the actions of a few mortal and fallible men in a public forum that your children have access to I will predict three things. You will turn them against the Church. You will continue to break your Mother's heart. You will make me understand more fully exactly how Alma and Mosiah felt.
Your Mother has been crying non-stop since your last post. Please use restraint and realize that the Church is run by men, subject to the temptations of the world, not perfect beings.

Dieter Uchtdorf wrote:Historically, fear has often been used as a means to get people to take action. Parents have used it with their children, employers with employees, and politicians with voters.

Experts in marketing understand the power of fear and often employ it. This is why some advertisements seem to carry the implicit message that if we fail to buy their breakfast cereal or miss out on the newest video game or cell phone, we run the risk of living a miserable life, dying alone and unhappy.

We smile at this and think we would never fall for such manipulation, but we sometimes do. Worse, we sometimes use similar methods to get others to do what we want.

My message has two purposes today: The first is to urge us to contemplate and consider the extent to which we use fear to motivate others—including ourselves. The second is to suggest a better way.