NOM

So I finally have a minute to share my intro 2.0

All the check boxes: BIC, Eagle, RM, MIT, BYU (3 degrees, not all of glory), 5 daughters, EQP, YMP, BP Counselor, HP Assistant (current), all that! I was a black and white, full believing, kool-aid guzzling, hook swallowing, blind following, TBM for 40 years.

Yeah, I had my faults. I sipped a wine cooler in HS, listened to a Jazz playoff game in SM, lusted after a few hotties, broke curfew behind a chastity line at Ricks, and was pretty prideful most of the time. BUT I was a good kid/man. I bought the whole story and wad proud to be the elect, saved for the last days, with a testimony of God's church and a bearer of His PH.

I suppose I had a few questions about dinosours, big foot, evolution, and the seemingly inefficient plan of salvation, but I will all work out in the end.

My dad was a convert and had an amazing testimony, swing angels a few times and getting revelation (he was bishop during my teen years). He wanted to raise us in Provo, not in the ghetto of St Louis where he grew up. We were the perfect front row mormon family.

Soon after marriage DW had concerns about polygamy and I thought she was weak of faith because it was obviously an eternal principle. I ran into FARMS online in the early days and found it reassuring. In fact I went there t learn how Noah could have pulled it all off, and they settled it for me.

I was in a bishopric at 30 and DW bought me a great book on our founder, the Rough Stone Rolling that she saw in Deseret Book for Christmas. I lived it and how it confirmed to me all these great things that JS did. I could always relate to him for some reason. A few insignificant things ended up on the shelf after that.

A friend of mine started a blog (Rational Faiths) and I followed a bit. I don't even recall what sucks me in really. I turned 40 and sort of had a mid-life crisis on a trip to Vegas. I felt like I just didn't know what the purpose of it all was, so I started to search.

For 6 months or so I went slow, reading blogs and LDS cannon. I read the BOM, PofGP, and BofA all in that time. I never loved the temple, but I went in search of truth. ONE thing kept bugging me, the Old Testament timeline. Did it all really start 6k years ago? Was there really an Adam and Eve? ( the temple was always literal to me, but it seemed too scripted). What about Noah, that condenses humanity and the animal kingdom even more? What about fossils and evolution? I had learned about these things in my pre-vet med at BYU, but there was always a faithful answer.

I decided to probe further. I took a paleoanthropology course online. I watched a ton of youtube. I found podcasts, and eventually Mormon Stories, among others. This was 2015, but I started at the beginning. I loved John Dehlin and his search for history and truth. I was in it with him.

I have a gay brother and researched that world. I have black cousins and researched the ban. I have 5 daughters and considered their future in patriarchy.

I opened my heart and mind. I fought it all back with confirmation bias and rationalization. I knew there were answers, and they must come from God. Cognitive dissonance grew.

I ran into the BofA stuff online and from various sources. That blew it up for me. I allowed myself to really doubt and to accept the truth from the data. I explored everything. I read any book I could find on church history, on biblical authorship, on evolution, genetics, biology, human history. The world wasn't 6k years old. Evolution happened. There was no global flood. There was no tower of Babel.

What does this all mean? I found NOM at some point and realized I was not alone. That was huge. I wish I could go back and look at NOM 1.0 posts of my Faith Crisis. It was my de facto journal.

I was terrified DW would leave. I have caused some pain and fear in her life due to my FC. SHE has learned to trust that I live her and will do whatever it takes to stay together and raise the girls the way she chooses. She loves me. She let's me drink my cold coffee, and pay a modified tithing (to adjust for overpayment of gross when net would have been sufficient all these years), and I go with her.

I have found fellow closet doubters, NOM's, ATFers, and nuanced Mormons. I am in the middle (Malcolm in the middle) and living in The Village (see the movie). THIS is my tribe. I love these people and I know why they are who they are. It is working for now, maybe forever.

Thanks for letting me be my real me here!

It is great having you here, Malcolm of the Village.

MalcolmVillager wrote:So I finally have a minute to share my intro 2.0

Thank you for writing that all out...I loved reading your story and getting to know you better. Glad you're here

Welcome MV! Wow! You really did your homework! Glad you have found your way to NOM and that we are part of your tribe.

MalcolmVillager wrote: I have found fellow closet doubters, NOM's, ATFers, and nuanced Mormons. I am in the middle (Malcolm in the middle) and living in The Village (see the movie). THIS is my tribe. I love these people and I know why they are who they are. It is working for now, maybe forever.

Thanks for letting me be my real me here!

Happy for you that you have found a way to make this all work. Thank you for sharing your post.

Wait MV . . . I thought I was the village idiot . . . I'm feeling a little lost now o_O.

I've really enjoyed your thoughts, and I enjoyed reading this intro. I think part of why I admire you so much is that you seem to be so respectful of all, from believers through heathens like me.

Glad you're here,
Zack

It's so great to see you again, MV! I am realizing that the new introduction thread is a wonderful way to learn about NOM members who may have joined the site before we did - I think I missed your intro the first time, and I so enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing!

Zack Tacorin Dos wrote:
I've really enjoyed your thoughts, and I enjoyed reading this intro. I think part of why I admire you so much is that you seem to be so respectful of all, from believers through heathens like me.

Glad you're here,
Zack

I try to be understanding of all. My past TBM self would have been more condescending and judgmental of anyone who was not like the Mormon ideal.

Now I realize that nearly everyone is a product of their environment, just trying to do what is best for themselves. That deserves at least respect, if not support.

Even the heathens are people too

You mentioned all the items that were on my shelf during my koolaid days. Isn't it amazing how just one more item can pull the whole doggone thing out of the wall and turn it into a dusty pile around our feet. I'm still sorting through rubble to find anything salvagable.

Welcome and thank you for sharing your story. I specially like that you took an online college courses in paleoanthropology. For being all in, yo did a lot of work to climb out, well done.

It is a rare idiot who gets smart enough to recognize that he may be the only sane person in the village.

Thanks for you post. I can really identify with a lot of your journey so far. I'm in a similar situation now, but with a hardcore TBM wife. I'm an orthoprax unbeliever and just trying to make it all work. So far it's not working out so well for me or my family.

Loved your introduction! We have so much in common.

Mahonri Moriancumer wrote:Thanks for you post. I can really identify with a lot of your journey so far. I'm in a similar situation now, but with a hardcore TBM wife. I'm an orthoprax unbeliever and just trying to make it all work. So far it's not working out so well for me or my family.

Sorry MM. I am mostly orthoprax too. I have to go slow for the family. It does get better but maybe that is just me getting more comfortable with all these changes.

BTW I just heard a podcast about where your name came from. A baby blessing by JS. Weird stuff. I guess it is too hard to etc that long name in the gold/brass plates.