NOM

I never got around to introducing myself on the old forum, despite joining in 2009 (2009?!?)

I kept thinking I would post an into at post 1000, then 2000, but it never seemed like the right moment. In particular, I wasn't an active mormon, and hadn't been for quite some time.

But I have been around online mormonism for quite some time, over fifteen years. I've watched boards and fora blossom and fade. Started blogging in 2006. In 2012 I got my first ipod and devoured mormon podcasts. And currently, I'm reading Baring Witness 36 Mormon Women Talk Candidly about Love, Sex and Marriage. I highly recommend it to everyone. The essays speak to me, just like feminist mormon housewives spoke to me ten years ago.

The truth is, I love talking about (and learning about) mormonism. I love talking and interacting with mormons, former mormons, new order mormons, ex mormons, ex exmormons and the rest on the interwebs. Still. After all these years. So many brilliant people. So many people who understand. I've seen it with people who have left other fundamentalist religions, often, they get it. But there's something about people who have gone through faith crises, a deeper understanding that does not easily translate.

I have other loves in my life, of course. I have two beautiful children, a rich and full life. I'm developing hobbies (Fwiw, I'm skeptical of how many hobbies a mom can really have). It has taken me away from online mormonism in the past few years and that's just fine. Online mormonism was a big hobby of mine for a long time.

Life is good. I stick around mostly to be a voice for people to get mental health treatment (because it's really important). To be a voice that it's okay to get divorced, it's not the end of the world. I got divorced two years ago, and it's been rough. But it hasn't been the end of the world.

Finally, to be a voice that it's okay to stay in mormonism and it's also okay to leave. It's not the end of the world either way.

Leaving mormonism has opened up the world to me, and the world is an amazing place (although also disappointing and ugly sometimes).

Hi aerin!

Good to see you! Funny that both you and I joined in 2009 and neither of us posted an into then!

Divorce is rough. Glad you're doing okay!

aerin wrote:Life is good. I stick around mostly to be a voice for people to get mental health treatment (because it's really important). To be a voice that it's okay to get divorced, it's not the end of the world. I got divorced two years ago, and it's been rough. But it hasn't been the end of the world. . . Leaving mormonism has opened up the world to me, and the world is an amazing place (although also disappointing and ugly sometimes).

I always appreciated when you weighed in on the old NOM, and it's good to know you're here on the new. I appreciate that you shared your story, because you've walked a path that I may be headed down myself. Thank you for sticking around and being that voice.

Welcome back!

Was the divorce a hard decision? Feel free to answer my voyeristic questions at will. I'm too analytical to determine the upside/downside without a cost benefit spreadsheet of sorts. The problem is, early in my faith transition and eventual total evaporation I was afraid it would lead to divorce. Now I'm afraid it won't lead to divorce and I'll be stuck living with a TBM spouse who expects the middle way while not giving equal concessions. She wants scriptures with the kids? Sure, but what do I get in return? Beer on the patio with Monday Night Football in the background?

Sometimes I think divorce is the open door. The way out?

Red Ryder wrote:Welcome back!

Was the divorce a hard decision?

Not to get too personal, or more personal than I would like, but yes, it was the hardest decision of my life. Just thought about that for a moment, and yep, still the hardest decision. Maybe leaving the church was also up there, but much easier. I was married to a nevermo, however, so it's different than many of the mixed faith relationships here. I was determined to have an amicable divorce, and have been relatively successful at that. Thank goodness. My ex and I realized that fighting each other would just hurt our kids.

But there are many parts of divorce that s*ck. Not seeing my kids all the time. While I get along with my ex, for the most part, sometimes it's strange, sad and awkward. But for my personal situation, it was for the best. Was it expensive? Yes. Will I recover? Probably. Will I find another partner? I don't know, and there have been some lonely times. But also some good times, so you never know. Also, dealing with my ex's new relationship and partner, also awkward and uncomfortable (as polite and okay as she seems to be). It still s*cks sometimes.

Only each person themselves can know what's right for their situation. But there are lots of good books that helped me understand what I was getting into with open eyes. It's not all roses but it's not the apocolypse.

Red Ryder wrote: She wants scriptures with the kids? Sure, but what do I get in return? Beer on the patio with Monday Night Football in the background?

Sometimes I think divorce is the open door. The way out?

I think I was open about this on the other board, I spent years with my ex in couples' therapy. I personally believe (and I think he'll agree) that the divorce went much smoother because of it. I still feel like I did everything possible to save my marriage, aside from just staying together. I recommend couples' therapy (with a professional therapist both can trust) to just about everyone. It helped me figure out if there was stuff I needed to change (there was) and if my ex and I could compromise. But my situation is unique, from everything I've read here and elsewhere.