NOM

Thought I would offer an introduction. I've been struggling with my own testimony for years. Until three months ago, was an active EQP. My wife and I talked about a year ago where I revealed my struggle with testimony to her. I had avoided doing any research into the history of the church, so as not to interfere with possible spiritual insights. My biggest problems had to do with the disagreement between the church and science. Things like the age of the earth and of the species really bothered me. She has been very supportive, as have both of our families in my struggle to regain a testimony.

Last week, I composed an email to my wife to let her know I've decided to leave the church since I no longer believe it. She continues to be supportive and we're figuring out what this looks like for our household and three kids. Last night, we sat the two older kids down to announce my decision. Immediately after, we sent one email composed by me, and one by my wife, to our immediate families. Mine was to explain my decision, hers was to be supportive and let everybody know not to try and fix me.

On my side, I have two brothers that are out of the church already. Her family is very TBM. In the email I asked them to reflect on their own feelings for a few days before responding. Shockingly, everybody has so far. My mom let her know that she was sad but still loves me. As far as I know, that's the only response received. She freaked out a bit when her dad called yesterday, but he hadn't read the email yet. I think this period where I'm waiting to see how everyone reacts is possibly the hardest part. DW was going to meet with the bishop last night, but he wasn't available. I don't think anybody in the ward knows yet. DW is good friends with and confided in the wife of a high council member, so the stake might know.

I'm just starting on this journey, I know it's not going to be easy. Just hoping that the family relationships will continue to be positive.

I'm not angry, but now that I'm out, I'm starting to look at history for the first time and have been pretty well shocked by what I didn't know.

Welcome to our ward family!!!
We are glad you found us too!!!

Welcome!!!

It's gonna be OK.

Congratulations on being honest with yourself, your spouse and your loved ones. It's a tough step, but you're better for it.

While your email to family members might make a few shockwaves in the immediate future, in the end it's not a big deal. People adjust and move on. You seem to be in a great relationship with a kind and open minded spouse. You're gonna do just fine.

A bit a warning - you'll probably continue to research the history, doctrine, policy and cultural ramifications of it all. Once you think you've seen it all, another doozy will be discovered. IT's fun and crazy at the same time. Feel free to come here as much as you'd like and share anything. Welcome to the best digital ward on the internet!

Good to meet you - and it is the best ward or the internet.

Congrats and I'm glad you have a supportive spouse! I have a few friends that found their way out before they took the deep dive into all the other truth about the historical issues. Basically it just didn't feel right to them or the way of life made them unhappy. Prep yourself for the possible barrage of TBMs who will wan to fix you; you'll be on the project list unless you laid down the law with local leaders that you don't want to be bothered.

Good luck and stop by here often for solace and support!

Thanks all, I really appreciate the welcome. I'm trying to prepare myself as much as possible for the onslaught of rescuers. It seems like not very long ago I was in the position of rescuer, so I get it. I told my wife last night that I think when the word does get out, I'm just going to have to ignore phone calls and texts for a while. I've been working long hours and working on a master's degree, so I don't usually get home before 9PM anyway these days, so I'm less worried about people just stopping in.

I'm still very much figuring my way through this. A week ago I told my wife she could decide whether to continue paying tithing on my income or not (she's a SAHM and homeschools the kids). I told her last night that my feelings have changed on that and I don't want to contribute anymore, I think we've found a compromise where she pays tithing on the grocery money we set aside each month.

Thanks again all!

Glad you found this place too. It was so helpful to me in the beginning and even now. One thing that many say on here is to go slow (or they wish they had gone slower). I am glad your wife is supportive. It is hard on both sides and a roller coaster of emotions. Just when you think you have settled into the new you or your new belief... things change. That happened to me too and for far longer than I thought it would. 

Best wishes on your new journey.

Welcome!

You might just be surprised how many people WON'T reach out. People like us are contagious, outrageous, and simply too dangerous.

Blame Stan for that one! After all he was the master manipulator who convinced us of our counterfeit belief that Joseph Smith made it all up.

Go slow and be patient with the wife. It sounds like she is accepting for now but will have reality crush her when she realizes her celestial fairy tale marriage is no longer.

I've found that you'll be fine stepping out of the boat. Especially when you turn around and realize the boat was only full of panicked people in the boat warning you of the dangers outside of the boat when in reality the water is only an inch deep.

Welcome aboard! I'm glad you found us. It sounds like you have done a great job keeping your DW involved and that is awesome. I followed a similar path to disaffection; I didn't know the history, or really care to know, but the world I lived in just didn't match up with what the church was selling. The church always seemed to be on the wrong side of science until it begrudgingly accepted it. A big moment for me was realizing that people can feel totally sure of something that just isn't true; I would see this at work and when I applied it to what I was taught growing up it was the last blow.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Thu Feb 22, 2018 3:53 pm You might just be surprised how many people WON'T reach out. People like us are contagious, outrageous, and simply too dangerous.

I was going to write this too. I came out to my siblings/parents about my disaffection face to face or on the phone a year ago and they were all kind, telling me they love me and nothing will change, and that's about it. I've had a couple discussions with my brothers, but they don't seem interested now. It now feels like there is a wedge between us, like when we are together we aren't really together.

Good luck with your journey! I hope you don't have to go through an angry phase, but if it comes don't feel bad and don't take it out on the TBMs in your life. That's what internet strangers are for and we are happy to talk about it.

Welcome. Ward hockey begins at 7:00 PM Central Time, as soon as I get enough NOMs who live in the north. This ward rejects the idea of church basketball, because no activity should produce more fights than hockey. I don't suppose you live in or near Minnesota...

We are glad you found us. But actually, how did you find us? I was not aware that NOM had a really high profile outside of its borders.

Welcome to NOM!

I gotta say, it sounds like your plan is going about as well as could be expected.

Best of luck, and I'm glad you found us!

Welcome.

This is a good place to come for reality checks if things get tough. To vent to us who have vented and curse with us who have cursed. It’s all good.

Also I too think it will all work out for you. Be patient and kind to yourself. You’ve been through a lot already.

Welcome to our wonderful group. please come in, sit down, take off your shoes and feel comfortable. Get something to eat and drink out of the fridge. People here are that friendly and supportive.
A few thoughts...
1)You have an amazing wife. She needs to know that.
2) You have balls. I cant believe how quick into your crisis you pulled the trigger and made the move to steps 8/9 of the post mo metamap (see the post about that for reference).
3) I look forward to learning /supporting together.

I’m posting from my phone, so I won’t quote every post I’m answering, but I’ll try to answer the questions that did come up:

1) I’m in California, sorry I’m out of range of the hockey games!

2) I found the site in a post on r/exmormon. My brother pointed me to reddit, he’s been out of the church for almost 20 years.

3) I felt like I was moving through things pretty quickly too. I’ve struggled with testimony for a long time, been trying to “fake it till I make it” for a while. Got called as an EQP a couple years ago and things continued to go downhill. After having completely lost my testimony, I talked to my bishop about it. He sent me to counseling to figure out if I was depressed because I was struggling with testimony, or struggling with testimony because I was depressed. I spent the last year in my calling going out of town on first Sundays so I wouldn’t have teach or testify to things I didn’t believe in. Hid out in the bathroom or empty classrooms before church so I wouldn’t be asked to participate in sacrament preparation/blessing/passing. One day had to go find two other people to give a blessing to someone that asked me for one and pretend I was busy.

I decided I just couldn’t continue doing that. With three kids, two of which were teenagers, I decided I’d rather be up front with where I was headed instead of dancing around it.

Thanks again for the warm welcome all!

And yes, I do have an amazing wife. She’s still very much a believer. She drove three hours to go to the temple today because she felt she needed it after the week we’ve had. I’m not going to share the letter she drafted and sent to go with mine because it’s personal, but she’s awesome.

Welcome, I am impressed by your courage to take on full disclosure. That one-ups me...

Thanks. I just got to a point where I figured if my little brother could do it at 18-19 years old with no support, I could get through it. Scariest part was talking to my wife about it. It was a huge boost that when I started talking about my struggles with testimony and that I wasn't sure if I believed anything anymore, she actually told me she loved me no matter what, and that she would stand by me whether I regained a testimony or decided to leave the church.

Totally agree with all the others, your courage to face it head on is awesome. Your little bro had it easier since he didn't get trapped by marriage into the system.

Also this quote from Red Ryder is so true in my case. No rescuers and the home teachers don't even want to visit me.

People like us are contagious, outrageous, and simply too dangerous.