NOM

DD (and oldest child) was engaged to an RM and they broke it off 2 weeks before wedding date. I almost got a taste of what the shunning and shaming feels like to sit outside the temple. So, now I am doing my best to not let this happen again.

Prior to DD meeting the RM she had another guy (less active) friend she really liked but dumped him as soon as she started to like the RM. Well, things didn't work out with the engagement to RM and she is back dating the less active kid. I have been inquiring as to how things were going with the new relationship but could tell she had a hard time talking about it until last night. She finally said dad, "I really like him but he's not an RM." DD says they have so much in common and get along great but she is worried what others will think if she doesn't marry an RM. That's when I sat her down and we had a long discussion.

I'm happy I dodged that bullet (for now), sitting outside the temple but I was totally prepared, mentally and emotionally. I wasn't happy about it because I think this is absolutely the biggest BS and tears families apart more than anything else.

Ugh, yet another person who was indoctrinated into thinking an RM is the end-all-be-all.
Your DD came to her senses just in time.
You did the right thing.
It´s quite simple really: Do you want to have a life with a partner who fits you, your personality etc etc.
Or one who fits the Church and "society"?
Who´s life is it anyway???
It´s you DD´s life. And she should realise it.

As for my kids, (16&17) they both decided already to look elsewhere, not because an RM is not worth it, we think it might be very good, but the choice is limited here, why limit yourself to max 50 candidates, when 50000 is possible.
The best match does exist, chances are slim you find them in Church.

I hope your daughter can see people for who they really are, not who they might pretend to be.

I have a temple recommend and will be attending my daughter's wedding next month. After this, I will diminish and go into the West, and remain GoodBoy.

Situations similar to the one you almost went through were the first major cracks in my shelf. Back when I was a TBM, it was hard for me to believe that God was okay with splitting family members apart on the wedding day.

I'm glad your daughter has you in her life. Does she feel better about dating a non-RM after that discussion?

Sorry, I probably left you hanging. You asked how my DD responded to our discussion...She took it very well. I mentioned a few good people that never served a mission like my FIL. She also mentioned how this boyfriend said he wouldn't mind doing a couple's mission after he's retired. That made my DD feel a lot better about things. So yes, she is still seeing the non-RM who has no desire for a mish right now.

My goal is to convince my DD of a civil marriage so everyone can be there. Then a year down the road she can be sealed if that's what she wants.

Oh yeah, Tommy never served, correct?

I HATE that the church teaches this to young women. I hope your daughter is able to let go of the baggage around the RM stuff and marry someone who is the right choice for her regardless of whether it's the inactive man or someone she hasn't even met yet.

Good luck to you and her both!