NOM

I found my journals awhile back and read through them. I probably wrote about quarter of the days from age 6 until the end of my mission, usually everyday for a few months then not at all for a few months. The pre-mission stuff was fun, it was like seeing through kid-me's eyes. A lot of my mission was like that too, though it got cringey at some points. It was also telling how I wrote a lot early on, then very little later; I was just holding on at the end.

After my mission I wrote less, and it was all so preachy. I had a lesson at church in college to use APRIL for journal writing. The A was for Atonement, you were supposed to write about how did you see the atonement in your life that day. The others were similar. The journal is worthless. Comparing it to my younger writing is like going from a person to a robot. They took my self from me.

I know, I'm not supposed to be posting, sorry.

Post all you want. In fact, consider this your Journal 3.0

I have a bookshelf's worth of diaries and journals. I only stopped writing in them maybe a year ago. Now I'm afraid to read them.....I do think about burning them.

I have kept a somewhat regular journal (maybe once month). So interesting to see my transition happening on paper, without even mentioning I am ready to leave or my challenges my the Church.
I just sound different.

Like what was said above, this is somewhat of a journal for you. Keep it up.

As much as some of my old journals make me cringe, I'm glad I have them. We make a lot of false memories and I like the ability to go back and see as honestly as is possible, how I really felt and thought in the past. I can see real growth. I can understand myself better and it gives me a lot of hope for moving forward even more. I also hope that if my kids are ever bored enough to read anything I've written that they can be a little more understanding and empathetic with me as I made my journey through life and I hope they can realize the same for themselves.

I too had volumes of journals that I started in high school. About 6 years ago, just after my shelf broke I sat down and read them all. They were pretty upsetting to read and brought up a lot of stuff I didn't want to relive. I knew one day after I am gone people would be reading this stuff. Did I really want my children and grandchildren reading them? I debated for a while on what to do with the journals and then one afternoon during the same week I threw all things Mormon in the trash I tossed the journals too. It was quite the cathartic moment and I have no regrets.

MerrieMiss wrote: ↑Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:29 am As much as some of my old journals make me cringe, I'm glad I have them. We make a lot of false memories and I like the ability to go back and see as honestly as is possible, how I really felt and thought in the past. I can see real growth. I can understand myself better and it gives me a lot of hope for moving forward even more. I also hope that if my kids are ever bored enough to read anything I've written that they can be a little more understanding and empathetic with me as I made my journey through life and I hope they can realize the same for themselves.

This is my experience, too. I've found it valuable to go back and see what I really was thinking ten years ago or more. It also helps me see how I got to where I am. Often, what I remember thinking and feeling isn't what I wrote. I think my memories are often colored by my current ideas and the stories I inadvertently make up about my past. Memory is so fallible. It's great to have an honest snapshot of myself from any given point!

Some of it still makes me mad, and some of it I don't want to read. But that doesn't mean I never will want to read it, so I save it. I haven't decided whether or not to leave my journals to posterity. There's stuff in there that's maybe too raw... But, maybe it's OK. I don't know yet.