Hello Everyone

[slavereeno]

I have been lurking here for a while, reading Idontknowanymore's intro and some of the responses there. In fact I have already purchased, and read Lamborn's Standing for Something More.

In a nutshell, I am in my 40s, born in the covenant, served a mission in Spain, temple marriage, 5 kids one of them is an RM the other is currently serving. My shelf started on the mission, I read a time magazine article, and it was the first time I asked the question: "What if the church isn't true?" I put my feelings there on the shelf, prayed extra hard, fasted and read more scriptures and 'fixed' myself.

I served in some elevated callings on the mission and the more I saw of leaders higher up in the church the more items I had to add to my shelf. (I met elder Oaks among others.) I came home with an attitude of "The church has imperfections because of imperfect people, but the core doctrine is true and adamant."

A few years after being married I started having some doubts again, and figured I could "prove" the church true vis-a-vis the Book of Abraham, having been fascinated by the BoA facsimiles as a primary kid (sometimes the only pictures to look at). So I started doing some Internet searches and was overwhelmed with the realities I found. I tried to take the apologists line on it for a while, but to me, its super corny and I didn't really buy it. So I put that on the shelf and started telling myself I was a "neo-orthodox" or "progressive" Mormon.

Another big hit was the first time I really saw the logo for Freemasonry, it had the symbols from the temple right there on it! Tried to put that on the shelf too but I was pretty much baked by then. I tried to convey these issues to DW but she didn't really think it was a big deal since we were so committed otherwise and convinced of the 'benefits' of the church.

I served in YM and frankly did a damn good job at it, or so I was told... Then landed as Stake Exec Sec. That's when the shelf really broke. Too many meetings at high levels that weren't what we kept claiming they were, I met too many pompous GAs and prepped for visits from arrogant apostles to keep it all stuffed down. I read the CES letter and it validated almost all my doubts.

I came right out and told my wife I didn't believe anymore. This was several months ago now. It was REALLY rough for a long while, it's still rough. I became ill (perhaps stress related) and ended up getting released. I'm a "Primary Worker" now, which is better, but I'm still pretending to be a TBM to everyone but DW. I have a zillion thoughts and questions, but this is probably a long enough read already... Oh and I live in the East Valley Arizona.

[Stig]

I have been lurking here for a while, reading Idontknowanymore's into and some of the responses there. In fact I have already purchased, and read Lamborn's Standing for Something More.

In a nutshell, I am in my 40s, born in the covenant, served a mission in Spain, temple marriage, 5 kids one of them is an RM the other is currently serving. My shelf started on the mission, I read a time magazine article, and it was the first time I asked the question: "What if the church isn't true?" I put my feelings there on the shelf, prayed extra hard, fasted and read more scriptures and 'fixed' myself.

I served in some elevated callings on the mission and the more I saw of leaders higher up in the church the more items I had to add to my shelf. (I met elder Oaks among others.) I came home with an attitude of "The church has imperfections because of imperfect people, but the core doctrine is true and adamant."

A few years after being married I started having some doubts again, and figured I could "prove" the church true vis-a-vis the Book of Abraham, having been fascinated by the BoA facsimiles as a primary kid (sometimes the only pictures to look at). So I started doing some Internet searches and was overwhelmed with the realities I found. I tried to take the apologists line on it for a while but really to me its super corny and I didn't really buy it. So I put that on the shelf and started telling myself I was a "neo-orthodox" or "progressive" Mormon.

Another big hit was the first time I really saw the logo for Freemasonry, it had the symbols from the temple right there on it! Tried to put that on the shelf too but I was pretty baked by then. I tried to convey these issues to DW but she didn't really think it was a big issue since we were so committed otherwise.

I served in YM and frankly did a damn good job at it, or so I was told... Then landed as Stake Exec Sec. That's when the shelf really broke. Too many meetings at high levels that weren't what we kept claiming they were, I met too many pompous GAs and prepped for visits from arrogant apostles to keep it all stuffed down. I read the CES letter and it validated almost all my concerns.

I came right out and told my wife I didn't believe anymore. This was several months ago now. It was REALLY rough for a long while, it's still rough. I became ill (perhaps stress related?) and ended up getting released. I'm a "Primary Worker" now, which is better, but I'm still pretending to be a TBM to everyone but DW. I have a zillion thoughts and questions, but that's probably a long enough read already... Oh and I live in the East Valley Arizona.

Welcome. There are number of us in the Valley who get together for lunch from time to time; you might find a good way to not feel so isolated in your disaffection from the Church.

[Emower]

Hey, you are definetly not alone. It would be great to have you at one of our get togethers.

[MoPag]

Welcome to our ward family! I like your avatar. The Simpsons are the best!

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

Nice intro, I can really relate to your experiences with higher level stake meetings and the awkward leader worship that happens with GA visits. A shelf item producer for sure. Welcome!

[slavereeno]

There are number of us in the Valley who get together for lunch from time to time; you might find a good way to not feel so isolated in your disaffection from the Church.

Thanks! I will see if I can steal away would love to meet some NOMs IRL

Hey, you are definetly not alone. It would be great to have you at one of our get togethers.

I appreciate the warm welcomes.

Welcome to our ward family! I like your avatar. The Simpsons are the best!

Thanks, the avatar is very symbolic about how I feel right now. I used to feel guilty for liking the Simpsons.

Nice intro, I can really relate to your experiences with higher level stake meetings and the awkward leader worship that happens with GA visits. A shelf item producer for sure. Welcome!

Having them visit is supposed to be faith promoting, but when Ballard and Rasband made their visit earlier this year, it was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back for me.

[Korihor]

Welcome

We have a healthy group represented here from the valley of the Sun. Sorry to hear things have been rough on the home front with the recent display of a broken shelf. Patience, it gets better. Just love her and be honest and open with her.

I'm in North PHX - we have lunch meetups occasionally, we'll put your name on the roles of the temp...text message

Keep on truckin'

[MalcolmVillager]

Dang website just lost my longer post. Here is my lazy and shorter re-write.

Welcome. It gets better. Try to meet the AZ NOMs IRL, they are good folks (I got to meet up on a business trip).

The middle way is not fun, but necessary for so many of us.

I look forward to your posts.

[Corsair]

I have a zillion thoughts and questions, but this is probably a long enough read already... Oh and I live in the East Valley Arizona.

What is your availability for meeting for lunch? We would love to meet. We have met all over the valley and would gladly find a lunch spot near your work.

[slavereeno]

Just love her and be honest and open with her.

Yes, this! Of all the things I have tried to make this better, those are the only things that really have an impact, thanks K.

The middle way is not fun, but necessary for so many of us.

This is what I am finding Thanks for the welcome. I should watch the Village again, seems very pertinent. That and "The Matrix"

What is your availability for meeting for lunch?

Well I am one of those shmucks that gets to work from home So I am reasonably flexible, I just have to dodge meeting times really. East valley would be the best. Can/does one bring one's spouse to these meetups? It might be best if I took her, at least at first.

[Linked]

Welcome to NOM slavereeno!

That would be tough to try to save your testimony based on the Book of Abraham. I also found myself looking through the facsimiles at church growing up. Trying to decipher the deeper meaning and whatnot.

Good move telling your wife right away. I kept my change in beliefs inside and when DW found out it went worse than if I had just opened up initially. Hopefully you both are taking things ok.

I should watch the Village again, seems very pertinent. That and "The Matrix"

The Truman Show means more to me now too.

[GoodBoy]

Welcome! You are not alone! This was me exactly.

[Hagoth]

Slavereeno, your story sounds all too familiar to the rest of us drones from Sector 7.

Looove the username and avatar!

[slavereeno]

Thanks Linked, and GoodBoy, I have been feeling frazzled lately its nice to feel some support.

Looove the username and avatar!

"Just let the hooks do their work..."

Hagoth, when I was hearing about how concrete proves the BoM true in General Conference, I was using your avatar as my happy place.