The Biggest Damage done...
Posted: Wed Nov 01, 2017 9:10 am
I remember years ago--probably about 15 to be accurate--I finished reading the "Miracle of Forgiveness" for the second time. I was badly stung by it, and went through one of the darkest times of my life. I was working through things in my marriage (which was on its death bed and had been for years) and also trying to reconcile a belief system that had all but failed me as well. I tried multiple times to visit with my bishop. I begged him: "Please meet with me! I don't know what to believe." After 14 missed appointments where he said we would meet, or he would call--after 14 missed appointments where he didn't show, I gave up trying.
At this time I grappled with self worth. I was being taught I was "worth less" than my bishop's time, "worth less" than his effort,..I was "worthless". I hit rock bottom. I had also been taught through a pretty solid chain of events that this man, this bishop, was "A man of God". Consequently, the reason this bishop wouldn't meet with me was because GOD wouldn't. After all, the bishop did what God wanted...right?
I later read a book by David Bednar where he talked about Christ always looking outside of himself, and how could we do that for ourselves? Bednar told about a JST where, after Jesus was fasting for a long time, angles came to him--but what the JST said was Jesus actually sent those angels to John the Baptist who was in prison at the time. Bednar's point was that even though Jesus probably needed the help more than John, Jesus sent the help to John and didn't take it for himself.
The message was clear: ALWAYS look outside of yourself to benefit others, and never consider your own needs. I mean this really was the message of this book IMHO. This is what he said--what I believe he was saying. It was a message about not being selfish--but Bednar pushed the idea to an extreme, or so it seemed to me. And, to be quite frank (and I mean this in all sincerity), I felt like some of the messages he had in this book, if applied to real life, would result in abuse happening. It was so skewed, so one sided in its emphasis, it negated even a semblance of balance.
I was stung again--this time by David Bednar's book.
I remember having a hypothetical thought, using Bednar's reasoning and logic in the book. Suppose, for example, my son had made a promise to his aged grandfather that he would mow his lawn. Suppose my son then had a moderately serious accident on his skateboard, and had torn his knee up with a serious cash that would require stitches. And suppose he had a nasty bump on his head, was throwing up over it as well, indicating a possible concussion.
As my son's father, what is my responsibility now?
Well, according to Bednar, if I want to teach my son about the real Jesus, I should help my son look outside of himself. So even though my son's injuries are painful and might have complications, the best thing is for my son to think outside of himself and deny his immediate needs, and go take care of his responsibility to his grandfather. Right?
This seems luducrous...utterly. I see that. I know that. But this is actually inline with the things Bednar taught and how he taught it in this book. Bednar made a point of saying that in every case, even though Jesus needed the help more, he looked outside of himself and took care of others needs before his own.
In this case, would my son not be taking care of his grandfather's needs ahead of his own?
Seems consistent to me...right?
So this brings me to the point of this thread. The biggest damage done to me through LDS teaching, particularly from men like SWK, BRM, BKP and now DAB, is that the very balance of right vs wrong, wise vs foolish has been twisted and skewed, even broken.
We hear things like "Thou shalt not commit adultry"....but we must not apply those principles to JS because he was "the prohet".
We hear things like "Thou shalt not kill"...but we must not apply those principles to BY because he was "the prophet".
We hear things like "Thou shalt not bear false witness"...but we must not apply those principles to GBH because he was "the prophet".
We hear things like baptism at 8 years old...but we must not apply those principles to gay family children because of "the policy"...
And we hear things about "Stay in the Boat"...when all I am hearing is "shut up and drink the coolaid".
The very lines between moral character, right vs wrong, have been damaged in me. This is the biggest damage done.
At this time I grappled with self worth. I was being taught I was "worth less" than my bishop's time, "worth less" than his effort,..I was "worthless". I hit rock bottom. I had also been taught through a pretty solid chain of events that this man, this bishop, was "A man of God". Consequently, the reason this bishop wouldn't meet with me was because GOD wouldn't. After all, the bishop did what God wanted...right?
I later read a book by David Bednar where he talked about Christ always looking outside of himself, and how could we do that for ourselves? Bednar told about a JST where, after Jesus was fasting for a long time, angles came to him--but what the JST said was Jesus actually sent those angels to John the Baptist who was in prison at the time. Bednar's point was that even though Jesus probably needed the help more than John, Jesus sent the help to John and didn't take it for himself.
The message was clear: ALWAYS look outside of yourself to benefit others, and never consider your own needs. I mean this really was the message of this book IMHO. This is what he said--what I believe he was saying. It was a message about not being selfish--but Bednar pushed the idea to an extreme, or so it seemed to me. And, to be quite frank (and I mean this in all sincerity), I felt like some of the messages he had in this book, if applied to real life, would result in abuse happening. It was so skewed, so one sided in its emphasis, it negated even a semblance of balance.
I was stung again--this time by David Bednar's book.
I remember having a hypothetical thought, using Bednar's reasoning and logic in the book. Suppose, for example, my son had made a promise to his aged grandfather that he would mow his lawn. Suppose my son then had a moderately serious accident on his skateboard, and had torn his knee up with a serious cash that would require stitches. And suppose he had a nasty bump on his head, was throwing up over it as well, indicating a possible concussion.
As my son's father, what is my responsibility now?
Well, according to Bednar, if I want to teach my son about the real Jesus, I should help my son look outside of himself. So even though my son's injuries are painful and might have complications, the best thing is for my son to think outside of himself and deny his immediate needs, and go take care of his responsibility to his grandfather. Right?
This seems luducrous...utterly. I see that. I know that. But this is actually inline with the things Bednar taught and how he taught it in this book. Bednar made a point of saying that in every case, even though Jesus needed the help more, he looked outside of himself and took care of others needs before his own.
In this case, would my son not be taking care of his grandfather's needs ahead of his own?
Seems consistent to me...right?
So this brings me to the point of this thread. The biggest damage done to me through LDS teaching, particularly from men like SWK, BRM, BKP and now DAB, is that the very balance of right vs wrong, wise vs foolish has been twisted and skewed, even broken.
We hear things like "Thou shalt not commit adultry"....but we must not apply those principles to JS because he was "the prohet".
We hear things like "Thou shalt not kill"...but we must not apply those principles to BY because he was "the prophet".
We hear things like "Thou shalt not bear false witness"...but we must not apply those principles to GBH because he was "the prophet".
We hear things like baptism at 8 years old...but we must not apply those principles to gay family children because of "the policy"...
And we hear things about "Stay in the Boat"...when all I am hearing is "shut up and drink the coolaid".
The very lines between moral character, right vs wrong, have been damaged in me. This is the biggest damage done.