Why you cry?

[RubinHighlander]

So this is an offshoot topic of the viewtopic.php?f=7&t=2244
discussion on Alpha Males and the dichotomy between the alpha males as leaders mixed with their emasculation/subordination to upper leaders. As far as emotional speeches and pleadings from some of these leaders, some are sincere, but to me some are blatant emotional manipulation from positions of power.

On the way to work this morning my eyes were feeling dry. I then thought about how I don't cry as much as I used to now that I'm out of the church. I'm sure my dry eyes are really just a problem with age and lack of sleep and not because I don't cry as much postMo.

I wasn't one to blubber at every single FAT meeting, but I had my moments and definitely had more emotional times as a TBM than I do now PostMo. I don't feel I've lost any empathy or emotional connection to loved ones and friends just because I escaped the matrix. I've still had some emotional teary eye moments while shooting photos out in the amazing Utah wilderness, attending a funeral or watching some video of a struggle story or animal rescue, so I know I'm not devoid of emotion and tears.

Have any of you other NOMs noticed a significant reduction in tears? Obviously emotion plays a huge roll in indoctrination and drinking the koolaid.

Why you cry? I got this from one of DWs favorite YouTube videos of a girl that uses a tiny doll hand to harass her coworkers, pretty funny stuff:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OpJhMA8OYk

[Mad Jax]

I wasn't raised LDS so I never did start that up. I'm not saying there weren't moments, like when the primary children I was assigned to teach showed how much they loved me, but busting out in tears when assigned to speak in sacrament was never a thing. And it never really moved me when others did it. I got a lot more out of a message when it wasn't dripping with tears.

I'd be interested to see if maybe there was an explanation for the chemical change that causes people to be more emotionally expressive and why it may manifest more often in church.

[No Tof]

First of all, that was a pretty funny You Tube video.

Ok, it's not new for me but it seems that I find myself the odd man out again.
Since leaving the church (informally at least), I seem to be more emotional. There have been more times I have been near tears as I have watched my grandchildren play, listen to amazing music, watch an emotional movie, or even becoming aware of some amazing natural phenomena. ( We did a rafting trip down the Colorado river through the Grand Canyon this spring and I found this more moving then any church meeting I have ever attended).

Also surprising, at least to me, are the times I listen to someone talk about something that moves them in a religious way, that will move me as well.

I think this whole "moved by the spirit" thing is our own feelings bubbling up when our emotions are affected. It's not something magical or supernatural but a human response that we all share as feeling beings. Some are more sensitive then others.

It is comforting to come to an experiential understanding that these feelings are based between our ears, not from god.

[Jeffret]

Not really. I was never really brought to tears by all the religious stuff as a believing member. Never reduced to tears by bearing testimony or by tales of orthodox or institutional prowess. I guess part of it is that I'm just not that moved by either that successes or the tribulations of my tribe. Even when I identified as part of the Mormon tribe, I didn't get all that emotional about the tribal aspects. And I never really placed trust or admiration in heroes, no matter how much the teachers in my youth wanted to know who my heroes were. Interesting thoughts.

I have, though, always been a sucker for tales of individual or small group sacrifice to benefit others. Or people helping others. Successes in love and friendship. Movies, articles, books. Fiction, true-life, based on a true story.

This story is the typical, heart-string pulling click-bait, but I admit it kind of gets to me: https://www.boredpanda.com/cancer-story ... ays-right/

[wtfluff]

I come from a family of cry-babies, and I'm the same. I feel the tears welling up quite often when I feel the emotions that religion has hijacked and told me from the moment I was born that those emotions were a GHOST influencing me. (Happy Halloween!)

I think I've discussed my crying phenomenon on NOM before: Wondering if my crying abilities are nature or nurture. Did I inherit an actual emotional crying gene from my parents, or is it a learned behavior, and now I'm just one of Pavlov's dogs who cries on-queue when I feel hijacked emotions? (It's a GHOST creating those emotions... No, really!)

Let's face it: The vast majority of the stuff we hear in church literally designed to elicit an emotional response, so that the organization can tell us how to interpret that emotional response. (THE CHURCH IS TWOO!!!) It's emotionally manipulative marketing at it's finest. Whether or not the person repeating the emotionally manipulative marketing across the pulpit knows what they are doing or not, that's what it is.

As far as a reduction in tears now that I no longer believe? Probably. I don't attend as many meetings that are designed to manipulate my emotions. I still feel the same emotions, and I still cry; I just don't attribute it to a GHOST any more, nor believe that feelings and emotions are a path to truth; In fact, feelings and emotions are an awful way to attempt to find truth.

[RubinHighlander]

This story is the typical, heart-string pulling click-bait, but I admit it kind of gets to me: https://www.boredpanda.com/cancer-story ... ays-right/

Thanks for sharing that Jeffret!

It's so nice to enjoy awesome stories like that without any religious mention or bias. Those types of human experiences are actually more deep and meaningful to me now that there's no attribution to a ghost and god.

[LaMachina]

Interesting thoughts from everyone. This is something I haven't really considered before.

My wife has accused me at times of being pretty unsentimental but given the proper set of circumstances I can rival anyone with the water works. A certain song or story or movie moment can send me over the edge and always has, whether an active mormon or not.

I guess the biggest difference is the meaning I give such moments. They are still meaningful to me but I no longer try to dissect them as some divine message.

Perhaps the thing that disturbs me most as a believer is not how the church manipulated me with emotions but how good I got at it. After a little practice I could give powerful discussions, lessons & talks. I basically broke it down to 4 ingredients. Start with humor to warm the audience up and get them engaged, hit them with relatable anecdotes, tie in some gospel topics & sprinkle in some emotional notes - pauses to compose oneself, voice cracking with emotion, tears welling. But very importantly, never losing control. People ate that stuff up, including myself. Eyring is a master but he goes to the well too often.

At the time, I never thought I was manipulating anyone. I sincerely thought I was having spiritual experiences. So, while I'm as emotional as I always was I believe my emotional experiences are much more authentic now...if that makes sense. It could be as simple as having a better understanding of how emotions work.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

I think conditioned response from childhood explains it as well as a genetic component. I think those of us who are multi-gen mormons have literally been bred to have this emotional reaction to the religous stimuli.

[Give It Time]

I had one of those situations when I was six of not giving an asshole the satisfaction of breaking me and seeing me cry. Since that day, I haven been much of a crier.

I cry when I'm devastated and preferably alone.

[1smartdodog]

Never was a crier, but I use to fien emotion to show my spiritual prowess. Now I must admit I am mostly indifferent to annoyed by cry babies. In a church setting it seems so manipulative. A child cries because it has learned that is how it gets attention. Adults blubbering in church seems the same thing.

[LaMachina]

A child cries because it has learned that is how it gets attention. Adults blubbering in church seems the same thing.

Damn...so true.

Amazing how things look different when you remove yourself from it for awhile.