Meet with Bishop?

[Linked]

I got the nebulous "can you meet with the bishop" text tonight. I can't make the time suggested so I said so and asked what the bishop wanted to meet about. My question was ignored and a new time proposed. You only notice the walls when you bump into them.

As I am still pretending for DW I suppose I should be a good pretender and agree to meet.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

There are 4 ways to handle this:

1. Go to the meeting
2. Ignore the texts and don't go
3. Respond via email directly to the bishop and offer to go to lunch with the bishop on you.
4. Respond via email directly to the bishop and tell him you're doing fine and prefer not to meet in an ecclesiastical manner at this time.

I've used them all in the past.
3 and 4 are very effective at not being contacted again.

[Emower]

Let us know how it goes. Maybe you are being recommended for your second anointing?

[Linked]

There are 4 ways to handle this:

1. Go to the meeting
2. Ignore the texts and don't go
3. Respond via email directly to the bishop and offer to go to lunch with the bishop on you.
4. Respond via email directly to the bishop and tell him you're doing fine and prefer not to meet in an ecclesiastical manner at this time.

I've used them all in the past.
3 and 4 are very effective at not being contacted again.

I will probably just go to the meeting this time. I don't know how much I am on the radar right now, so I don't want to raise too many red flags for DW's sake. This is a new bishop and we are friendly, we were in a SS presidency together. Hopefully that will pull us through any possible awkwardness. At some point I will likely use the other methods.

Let us know how it goes. Maybe you are being recommended for your second anointing?

Hahaha, probably. Maybe that will be their new retention strategy. But then they will have to come up with a new super secret/sacred ordinance for the top of the chain.

[Red Ryder]

We've all been here before.

If you go as a pretender I've found it best to say very little. Give him one thing he can't resolve such as "I find the temple to be creepy and weird..." Then sit back and stare at him in silence. He won't know what to do with you.

[Linked]

I agreed to meet at the new time, and asked again what the meeting was about and he responded! It's about my temple recommend status. I didn't renew last year, so I'm one of the infamous endowed without a recommend. This should be fun.

We've all been here before.

If you go as a pretender I've found it best to say very little. Give him one thing he can't resolve such as "I find the temple to be creepy and weird..." Then sit back and stare at him in silence. He won't know what to do with you.

That is probably what I will do. But when my DW first discovered my lack of belief she asked me to see the Bishop and I did and was pretty explicit. I don't know how much info was passed on. I suppose I could just use one of the things I said previously and leave it at that.

[lostinmiddlemormonism]

I have a rule that I don't meet with anyone unless I know what the meeting is about. Otherwise how am I supposed to prepare to be the most effective I can be?

Remember that even an accused criminal has the right to know what they are being charged with. If the individual can't tell me what the meeting is about, then the answer is no. I always especially loved with I would ask and they would tell me they didn't know. I usually called them on that BS. They were in the room when the meeting was discussed. Now not only are they not willing to tell me they are blatantly lying to me, so then the answer is not only no but hell no.

-lost

[oliblish]

My wife and I got a recently received text from the bishopric to see if they could stop by to visit. I have not been attending very much this year so I think our family comes up frequently in the Sunday morning meetings. I have also turned down the last two callings extended to me (one was to be a clerk.) We have become a project. Ugh.

My TBM wife responded and said it wasn't a good time for a visit and not to come (even though we had no plans). Of course they dropped by anyway. They were nice but I did not let them in the door. I didn't feel bad because my wife had already said not to come. We chatted for 5 minutes at the door and they left. They were nice but I wish they would just leave me alone...

[GoodBoy]

All of the real power that the bishop has over you is given to him, by you.

If you don't want to go, just ignore the texts.

[Linked]

UPDATE

The meeting with the new bishop went pretty well. He said that he uses the list of endowed people without recommends to identify people who he might be able to help, then asked about my lack of temple recommend and if there was anything he could do to help. I sat for a moment, then decided that it wasn't worth rehashing with him and responded that it is just not something I want to do right now, and that I appreciate his offer for help and won't be shy if anything changes. He more or less took it in stride, though a couple times he said that anything said in the office won't affect relationships or anything outside the office (this is not true, and I am glad I have enough experience to realize that).

He's a good guy, we were in a sunday school presidency together so we know each other pretty well. He seems like he is going to be a good bishop that actually wants to help people, not the kind that asks if you are sure you have confessed everything then gives you stink eye in silence for 15 seconds. I guess I won't be pushed out for another 5 years...

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

UPDATE

The meeting with the new bishop went pretty well. He said that he uses the list of endowed people without recommends to identify people who he might be able to help, then asked about my lack of temple recommend and if there was anything he could do to help. I sat for a moment, then decided that it wasn't worth rehashing with him and responded that it is just not something I want to do right now, and that I appreciate his offer for help and won't be shy if anything changes. He more or less took it in stride, though a couple times he said that anything said in the office won't affect relationships or anything outside the office (this is not true, and I am glad I have enough experience to realize that).

He's a good guy, we were in a sunday school presidency together so we know each other pretty well. He seems like he is going to be a good bishop that actually wants to help people, not the kind that asks if you are sure you have confessed everything then gives you stink eye in silence for 15 seconds. I guess I won't be pushed out for another 5 years...

One Bishop at a time. I'm on my second Bishop post disaffection and am currently feeling out the situation. I think you handled it well by not divulging issues. I have found it amusing to let them speculate.

[Red Ryder]

One Bishop at a time. I'm on my second Bishop post disaffection and am currently feeling out the situation. I think you handled it well by not divulging issues. I have found it amusing to let them speculate.

You bring up a good point us NOMs have to deal with. You can get comfortable with the CURRENT Bishop but down the road you'll eventually have a new one.

Glad it went well considering you're playing the long game.

[redjay]

As you (OP), like me do not have a TR, and assuming you do not want or need one in the near future; you really do not need to meet with a bishop. I know the horse has already bolted on this one. The only power that bishop has over you is to remove your TR.

My opinion is there really is no point in meeting with the bishop as ultimately he has nothing to offer me, and I have nothing to offer him.

[shadow]

UPDATE

The meeting with the new bishop went pretty well. He said that he uses the list of endowed people without recommends to identify people who he might be able to help, then asked about my lack of temple recommend and if there was anything he could do to help. I sat for a moment, then decided that it wasn't worth rehashing with him and responded that it is just not something I want to do right now, and that I appreciate his offer for help and won't be shy if anything changes. He more or less took it in stride, though a couple times he said that anything said in the office won't affect relationships or anything outside the office (this is not true, and I am glad I have enough experience to realize that).

He's a good guy, we were in a sunday school presidency together so we know each other pretty well. He seems like he is going to be a good bishop that actually wants to help people, not the kind that asks if you are sure you have confessed everything then gives you stink eye in silence for 15 seconds. I guess I won't be pushed out for another 5 years...

What in the world were you doing in the Sunday school presidency that facilitated your getting to know your now current bishop so well?

[Linked]

What in the world were you doing in the Sunday school presidency that facilitated your getting to know your now current bishop so well?

Hahaha, that's a really good point! He was the SS president and actually held regular meetings. That was about it. And he had me go to Ward Council for him sometimes, which was awful.

I worked with the previous bishop in scouts for a few months and we spent more time together in those few months than me and current bishop did in 2 years of SS presidency. But it is more than the nothing I know about most members of my ward.

[Emower]

What in the world were you doing in the Sunday school presidency that facilitated your getting to know your now current bishop so well?

Hahaha, that's a really good point! He was the SS president and actually held regular meetings. That was about it.

Wow, that's a first for a SS presidency!

[Linked]

UPDATE 2

The bishop gave a heartfelt invitation to the Endowed without a Recommend people at church yesterday. One of the talks mentioned temples, and the bishop got up to close the meeting and riffed on the temple topic. He got emotional and talked about those who haven't been active temple attenders and how he hopes they will re-find the joy and blessings of the temple. I was helping my 3 year old with a quiet book, so I'm not sure if he was staring at me or not.

If only there were joy and blessings in the temple...

[Red Ryder]

That sounds exactly like the same speech our stake president gave about getting to the temple.

The canned wording is a symptom of the culture.

I recently had a chat with my bishop about ordaining my son. He said, Red, what are you scared of in the temple?

I said, an old geezer groping my sack with his shaky oiled up hand! He said, that can't happen anymore because the initiates wear a jump suit.

I said, well, then I'm afraid Satan will jump out from behind the curtain with a drawn sword, a sack of potatoes, and a butcher knife and start harvesting the hearts and minds of God's children!

He said, what's the sack of potatoes for?

I said, haven't you ever been to a Mormon funeral before?

[Anon70]

That sounds exactly like the same speech our stake president gave about getting to the temple.

The canned wording is a symptom of the culture.

I recently had a chat with my bishop about ordaining my son. He said, Red, what are you scared of in the temple?

I said, an old geezer groping my sack with his shaky oiled up hand! He said, that can't happen anymore because the initiates wear a jump suit.

I said, well, then I'm afraid Satan will jump out from behind the curtain with a drawn sword, a sack of potatoes, and a butcher knife and start harvesting the hearts and minds of God's children!

He said, what's the sack of potatoes for?

I said, haven't you ever been to a Mormon funeral before?

I am glad I wasn’t drinking when I read this or there would have been a mess to clean up lol

[slavereeno]

I said, an old geezer groping my sack with his shaky oiled up hand! He said, that can't happen anymore because the initiates wear a jump suit.

Holy crap, I am going to be laughing at that all day! Now the initiate wears pants, shirt and tie. I wish they kept the old one... It was so damn crazy I would get more sympathy in my NOMishness...