NOM

My nephew is getting baptized soon and asked me to be in the circle for the confirmation. I told him I was honored, as I didn't want to make a scene in front of my in-laws. My wife and I discussed this and decided it would probably be best if something comes up and I am unable to participate. The nephew's side of the family doesn't know where I stand and my wife is not ready for me to tell them. Someday the news will come out, and I don't want to have someone hurt or angry that apostate Linked participated in an ordinance.

It would be nice if I didn't have to worry about these things.

I recently attended a family baptism. I was invited to join the circle literally minutes before it happened. This side of the family knows I have issues with the church and while I've never explicitly stated as such at least some of them would know I'm pretty atheistic.

But I went up and did it anyway. Mostly for my niece who got baptized but I also justified it because the parents of this child are super jack mormons. They claim belief but don't live your standard mormon lifestyle and as such I didn't feel like a hypocrite. I did have some regret afterwards though as I found some of the talks both offensive and disturbing, especially considering I had my own 10 year old unbaptized child in attendance.

I'd perform the ordinance again but I would probably leave my kid at home next time. The fact that my kid's auntie and grandma could be so clueless in their comments still bugs me.

I too passed on standing in the circle last spring at a Nephews baptism. I hadn't talked with his parents yet.

I had a few looks from my MIL and even my atheist FIL. I just sat and snuggled with my four year on my lap.

Later, we all had a conversation. No one really batted an eye (thanks to my FIL already bridging that gap for me).

Do you think you could tell them where you at and see how they feel? Perhaps they might be okay?

My BIL would have probably been okay with it. It is a right if passage welcoming someone into the fold/tribe.

LaMachina wrote: ↑Mon Oct 16, 2017 11:38 am I recently attended a family baptism. I was invited to join the circle literally minutes before it happened. This side of the family knows I have issues with the church and while I've never explicitly stated as such at least some of them would know I'm pretty atheistic.

But I went up and did it anyway. Mostly for my niece who got baptized but I also justified it because the parents of this child are super jack mormons. They claim belief but don't live your standard mormon lifestyle and as such I didn't feel like a hypocrite. I did have some regret afterwards though as I found some of the talks both offensive and disturbing, especially considering I had my own 10 year old unbaptized child in attendance.

I'd perform the ordinance again but I would probably leave my kid at home next time. The fact that my kid's auntie and grandma could be so clueless in their comments still bugs me.

That sounds infuriating for you as they talk up kids that "choose" baptism, implying those that don't "choose" baptism are lesser. Was your son affected, or is he ok?

I would be fine participating if everyone knew, but as they don't I feel it would be disingenuous of me to participate. I would tell them, but it is my DW's family, so I am trying to let her control the timeline of her family finding out.

Raylan Givens wrote: ↑Mon Oct 16, 2017 10:16 pm I too passed on standing in the circle last spring at a Nephews baptism. I hadn't talked with his parents yet.

I had a few looks from my MIL and even my atheist FIL. I just sat and snuggled with my four year on my lap.

Later, we all had a conversation. No one really batted an eye (thanks to my FIL already bridging that gap for me).

Do you think you could tell them where you at and see how they feel? Perhaps they might be okay?

My BIL would have probably been okay with it. It is a right if passage welcoming someone into the fold/tribe.

I would like to have that discussion, but I am letting my DW control the timeline for her side of the family finding out about my beliefs. I

did just attend my nieces baptism on my side of the family, but no one had invited anyone for the ordinance. My 3 year old saved us from any awkwardness by getting restless right before the confirmation, so I took him outside and missed the whole thing.

I've participated in every priesthood huddle I've been invited to attend. I look at it as a familial right of passage. Regardless of belief, we all want to support our families and friends and what better way to do it by standing in a circle shoulder to shoulder, hands stacked on top of a head, eyes closed while your thoughts wander off as they bless the child with all the Mormon cliches known to man. While they drone on, your standing there, knees locked, wondering if anyone knows your dirty secrets, unbelief, or internet browsing history of sites like reddit exmormon, NOM, and that Britney Spears fan site you "occasionally" visit?

Fortunately the priesthood is nothing more than a set of made up parameters and carefully worded displays of self flagellating importance and any harmful direct consequences of your disbelief on your Nephew are non existent.

I suggest before you go that you eat a handful of Fritos or Corn Nuts, forget to brush your teeth, then stand tall and proud in the circle while breathing out of your mouth! Choose for yourself if you should close your eyes.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑Tue Oct 17, 2017 9:50 am Fortunately the priesthood is nothing more than a set of made up parameters and carefully worded displays of self flagellating importance and any harmful direct consequences of your disbelief on your Nephew are non existent.

I mean, I agree with you. But I hope to tell these people in the relatively near future that I don't believe. And I am not interested in hurting their feelings by suggesting that they are "self flagellating". I would prefer to be included.

Thanks for your comment.

But lets say if you did participate and then came out to them later- do you have to tell them that you were not a believer at the time of the confirmation? Losing our testimony is a struggle and then a transition, usually as a gradual loss of faith.

Do you plan to tell them the exact moment you stopped believing, or just tell them you struggled and are now transitioning out? The latter may soften the blow and not make them feel as though your participation will be a curse upon your nephew's spiritual progression.

Linked wrote: ↑Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:51 am That sounds infuriating for you as they talk up kids that "choose" baptism, implying those that don't "choose" baptism are lesser. Was your son affected, or is he ok?

I would be fine participating if everyone knew, but as they don't I feel it would be disingenuous of me to participate. I would tell them, but it is my DW's family, so I am trying to let her control the timeline of her family finding out.

It definitely affected him at the time but he's a pretty easygoing and thoughtful kid. He wasn't so much offended (like I was!) but confused as to why they were making such a big deal out of her baptism. The fact that she's his closest cousin age wise surely contributed to the impact on him. We had to do a little damage control but he seems to have processed the experience well.

But I understand the difficulty of your situation. Trying to stay incognito while also being authentic is a difficult balance. Good luck whatever decision you make and let us know how it goes!

Did you end up finding a reason not to go, then?

Random wrote: ↑Sun Oct 22, 2017 1:28 pm Did you end up finding a reason not to go, then?

It is still in the future, so I am batting some reasons around. Although crossmyheart's reasoning has me considering just going and participating.

LaMachina wrote: ↑Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:11 pm It definitely affected him at the time but he's a pretty easygoing and thoughtful kid. He wasn't so much offended (like I was!) but confused as to why they were making such a big deal out of her baptism. The fact that she's his closest cousin age wise surely contributed to the impact on him. We had to do a little damage control but he seems to have processed the experience well.

But I understand the difficulty of your situation. Trying to stay incognito while also being authentic is a difficult balance. Good luck whatever decision you make and let us know how it goes!

I'm glad he came through ok. That would be really hard.