My NOMiversary, and an update

[desertrat]

Hi NOMies,

It has been a long time since I posted, or if I'm going to be honest, checked in with NOM. Next month I will celebrate (okay, I'll probably forget), my two year NOMiversary. On 11/4/2015, with my hands shaking, in incognito mode, I clicked the button to register on the old site. That was probably a couple months after I lost all remnants of my nuanced progressive belief in Mormonism. That was a very scary and stressful time, and only the beginning of some very very scary and stressful times. I shed many tears, took a lot of antacids to try to calm the constant pit in my stomach, a lost a lot of sleep over the next year. A lot has changed since then. My wife stopped attending last summer, we started irregularly attending a UU congregation, and I resigned in May. My wife came out to her whole TBM family, and has come out to a hand full of her friends too. I told my jackMo parents and told one of my brothers when I had decided to stop attending church. I don't really stay in touch with, other than on FB, with any of my old friends. Not because of my faith transition, just because life is busy and we don't live nearby any more. Since I used our move out of state as a good "book end", almost nobody I've met here knows that I was ever LDS, which is kind of nice, but kind of weird too.

All in all, things are much better now. My indifference toward Mormonism has grown strong and now I can rarely make it though any sort of Mormon-themed podcast. I see things posted on face book or said by a family member and it seems alien to me, like I can't believe that I EVER saw the world that way. Our oldest, who was baptised last spring (by me, reluctantly), had and still has a bit of a hard time with it. The others are clueless and its like they didn't even notice that anything changed. I spend more time with my kids than ever now that I don't have callings and such to worry about. We are half way through the Lord of the Rings, which has replaced scriptures in our night time routine. For a "family night" a few weeks ago we met up with people I work with and the kids helped pick and crush 100 lbs of Merlot grapes, which are now fermenting in my closet. So ya, we are still followers of Christ... you know, hanging out with LGBT folks, athiests, and other misfits at the UU, and making wine...I'll have to find a wedding to take it to when its ready.

Life isn't all great, and some things are harder, especially for my wife. While I never really had more than a few real friendships are church, most of my wife's friendships, sense of identity and purpose were developed at church. Reinventing your identity and sense of purpose midway through raising a bunch of young kids has not been easy for either of us. Professional counselling, "safe" friends, and beer have helped.

I don't know how often I will check back in. Thankfully, I feel pretty detached from a lot of the things most of you are facing. You all are in the trenches and it is tough. I guess I just want to say that it gets better and less scary eventually, and you reach a new normal. I know that not everyone is as fortunate as I have been and have their spouse come along for the ride. I was in a "mixed faith marriage" for over a year and it was very tough. Part of me hated reading posts like this because I didn't think my spouse would ever change her faith. Regardless, I think that after a while you realize that you are not going to be struck my lightning when you click "submit" on "evil" internet forums, or have a sip of a mild barely drink. And your spouse realizes that you are not going to start committing felonies and using meth just because you don't necessarily think that seer stones are a thing. And then everyone can calm down a bit.

Go in peace NOMies!

[Red Ryder]

Congrats desertrat!

I love updates like this. May you enjoy your homemade wine when it comes out of the closet! Please give your wife a giant hug from us here and let her know we think she's awesome! Also ask if she travels to fellow NOM's to do visiting teaching to get out wives to see the light. May your family find peace in your continued journey.

[Korihor]

thanks for the update, glad things are going well.

[2bizE]

Thanks for the fantastic update. It gives me hope that others have moved on and are doing well outside of the church.
I have a few questions if you check back in....
How have your kids transitioned with you drinking now? I'm sure they were brainwashed in primary, like everyone else, how only really horrible people drink alcohol.

What other non-church activities have you picked up with your family? And how have you transitioned your Sundays?

[desertrat]

Thank you all for the kind words! To respond to 2bizE's questions:

How have your kids transitioned with you drinking now? I'm sure they were brainwashed in primary, like everyone else, how only really horrible people drink alcohol.

My oldest was a little concerned about it at first, but I talked to her about it and pretty quickly it was no big deal. Our oldest son, who was 6 at the time, said something about beer being bad for you. I simply told him that it is okay for adults as long as they don't drink too much of it. We also pointed out that Jesus drank wine. He was just like...okay, and has never batted an eye again.

What other non-church activities have you picked up with your family? And how have you transitioned your Sundays?

At first (last summer) we did a lot of camping, which was awesome. The last few months we've been going to the UU church more often than not. It is nice because almost nobody attends every single week, even people who are on the church board. When we don't have anything else pressing, we go there and we all enjoy it... which is kind of weird. Are you supposed to enjoy church? I recently started teaching the "religious exploration" class for elementary-aged kids every now and then. When there is something else going on, we do that instead, and nobody cares. Last weekend we slept in and I took my daughter to the shooting range to make sure my hunting rifle was sited in, then my wife went and got a hair cut, then I cooked dinner. It was really nice, we got some things done, relaxed, spent time together, etc.

[shadow]

Part of me hated reading posts like this ...

Uh, yep. Fuck you.

But congrats.

[Raylan Givens]

Keep it up. The baptism thing is coming next year for me...not sure what to do. I still like a good interesting mormon podcast, as long as it isn't too long. I long for the day when that isn't true...

Glad the UU works for you, still looking for a place to rest my can on Sundays outside of my dentist office looking wardhouse.