NOM

There are many ideas that I got from mormonism that still resonate with me today, even though I am a full fledged heretic.

One of those ideas is the scripture from 2 Nephi that states, "men [and women] are, that they might have joy".

So what brings joy to your life?

Here is my short list:

1) I love my family and spending time together and making new memories. For whatever reason the older I get the more I enjoy spending time with my kids and now my grand children. Yes. I have grandchildren.

2) Hiking and experiencing the beauty of the world around me. And it is only made better if I am hiking with my newfound apostate friends for some great conversation as well. You know who you are.

3) Learning new things. I love to read. And I especially love to read, now that I don't have to filter what I am reading through the mormon lens. For example, book on science don't have to be reconciled to false religious beliefs. I can't read for reading's sake.

4) Not worrying about wasting my time. I used to worry that I was somehow wasting my time, if I wasn't fully engaged in going to church, reading the scriptures, etc. etc. etc. Now I find great joy in the little things in life. A quick call with a friend. Going for a walk in a nearby bird refuge and taking pictures of eagles and herons, etc. Just sitting on the couch enjoying some trashy tv series with my wife by my side and rubbing her feet. As a mormon, these felt like I was wasting time. As a fully awake human, these now feel like the spice of life.

5) Truly helping those around me. As a TBM I felt that paying tithing and fast offerings was being of service. Now I find opportunities to support financially and in service "real" people. It brings great joy in my life to be of service, even in a small way, to real people in my life as opposed to an anonymous corporation, which may or may not use my money in the way I would want to use it. We will never know what they are doing.



So what brings you joy?

Allowing myself to change and grow and not be restricted by the ideas of others. I'm pushing fifty and I'm nearly a complete 180 from what I was in my 20s. And I'm very happy with that.

I volunteer in the community on my own terms, choosing my own projects (and starting some where I see a need) and spending as much time as I feel comfortable spending. If something gets too overwhelming I can leave. Being in control of my own life is wonderful.

And I am finally learning to forgive myself for some of the wrong things I did as a young parent because I no longer believe that I have to depend on some outside power to make everything right. I can do my best to make things right myself, and I can let go of the things I can't fix because there's nothing I can do about them. I don't have to worry about past sins hanging over my head forever and ever because I don't pray enough or read the scriptures every day. Freedom is a wonderful thing.

I trust myself and my judgement. What could be better than that?

Finding meaning in each day. The end goal was so prescribed as a TBM. All the milestones were clearly laid in front of you: seminary, mission, marry in the temple, and have kids. Then make sure your kids are on the same road. Now, I don't waste my time looking into the future and focus on the meaning of each day.

Finding joy in things as they are and not what I hope they will be. As a TBM there is a lot of hope/faith placed on life being better after we walk a path of misery on earth. The whole idea of enduring to the end seems like necessary torture now. I look for the joy in things as they are today more that I did before.

hiding in plain sight wrote: 3) Learning new things. I love to read. And I especially love to read, now that I don't have to filter what I am reading through the mormon lens. For example, book on science don't have to be reconciled to false religious beliefs. I can't read for reading's sake.

Yes! Now that I don't have to tiptoe around fragile religious constructs I have rededicated my life to getting the king of education I wish I had sought in the first place.

I also find a lot of joy in the variety of people around me. I find myself loving and admiring so many people that I once would have judged for their differences and shoved into the same not-us closet. Now I delight in their differences.

Accepting people how they are without worrying about what God would want me to do. (i.e. being way less judgmental)

Listening to my own moral compass

Realizing that my future is in my hands and waiting around for Mormon God to finally get around to blessing me for living the life prescribed for me was a big waste of time

Being able to give my kids the freedom to make their own choices as they get older without trying to mold them to fit Mormon expectations

Being able to admit that I have professional and personal ambitions and start to pursue them--with a side of being really successful in doing so

Accepting people how they are without worrying about what God would want me to do. (i.e. being way less judgmental)

This is a big one. I find myself much less judgmental and more accepting.
I also worry less about wasting time. I can now enjoy each moment for what it is and not worry about what I should be doing. I really enjoy spending time with my wife and kids. I try to be in the moment for as much as possible.

glass shelf wrote: Listening to my own moral compass

This is such an important principle. It really feels like, as mormons, we are taught to doubt our moral compass. To always defer to someone else.

It is great to recapture the power in our lives.

Right now, I'm finding satisfaction worshiping in the Church of the Big Blue Dome.

I find joy in just being free.
I find joy in no longer being controlled or owned by anyone.
I find joy in just living and waking up each day to another day of discovery.
I find joy in the journey from a very dark place into the light of a new world I never new existed.
I find joy in being at peace.

To Elder Ballard.... if you are lurking .... I have gone to some of the most amazing places I could ever have imagined. Contrary to what you might think, I have found "joy" without you.

The biggest thing that made me find joy was the ability to say "no". I was trained to do what I was told throughout my life, now I balance what I can and cannot do against reality. If I cannot do what is asked of me, I say "no". And to be honest, I have found myself able to pursue my wants and joys while finding meaningful ways to serve others (such as hospital visits, volunteerism, and musicianship).

hiding in plain sight wrote:4) Not worrying about wasting my time. I used to worry that I was somehow wasting my time . . . .

I don't know that I'd connect it with joy, exactly, but this is definitely something I have experienced. Is there even such a thing as wasting time? I sure used to feel as if I wasn't reaching my full potential by not choosing the absolute best use of my time (which of course almost never happens, and can even be based on faulty priorities).

The positive side of this is no guilt over skipping out on a perceived obligation that doesn't really matter. But the potential pitfall in my experience is that it can affect my pursuit of goals in general, whether related to religion or not. I have not yet mastered the balance.

The biggest thing that brings me joy now is letting go of so many deep rooted fears. Fear I'm not good enough to make it to heaven. Fear of eternal polygamy if I did make it to heaven. Fear of dying. Fear of God's judgment. Fear of God. Fear of the second coming. Fear of Satan. Fear of not following every commandment. Fear of not paying my tithing. Fear of not accepting a calling. Fear of life. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear.

Let it go!



Living life and not being afraid of new experiences also brings me a lot of joy.

Honestly, I haven't found much joy in my journey - church-wise anyway. My heretical leanings have only caused me pain within my personal relationships. I am the "crazy" black sheep in my family and my wife's family. It is a lonesome journey.

I have decided that even if everything was 100% true regarding the church, it is too much of a mind-numbing slog. If the Celestial Kingdom is made up of the pure stalwarts, then I have no place among them. I would be much more at home with the asexual spirits in the Telestial Kingdom with my fellow whoremongers, nudists, and Democrats.

trophywife26.2 wrote:
Let it go!



Living life and not being afraid of new experiences also brings me a lot of joy.

Trophywife, that song really resonated with me. I know everyone is sick to death of it, but it will always remind me that I have a new life now, that it's okay to become a new person and live authentically.

Bosch wrote:Honestly, I haven't found much joy in my journey - church-wise anyway. My heretical leanings have only caused me pain within my personal relationships. I am the "crazy" black sheep in my family and my wife's family. It is a lonesome journey.

I have decided that even if everything was 100% true regarding the church, it is too much of a mind-numbing slog. If the Celestial Kingdom is made up of the pure stalwarts, then I have no place among them. I would be much more at home with the asexual spirits in the Telestial Kingdom with my fellow whoremongers, nudists, and Democrats.

The first year was mostly pain for me too. I still get sad sometimes. I hope you can find some joy when the time is right for you. See you in the Telestial Kingdom.

I'd like to expound on my first post because this topic of JOY has great meaning for me. Finding joy wasn't always a priority for me. Today, it's become as important as breathing. Joy has led me to peace which is where I am at now.

Let me tell you a little about my story to reinforce what HIPS is asking and just how important it is to find JOY in our journey. I've been on this journey we share 5 years now. I am sure you have found as I have, that creating the new normal was full of a lot of bumpy rides. At the same time my shelf fell I went through a divorce, was laid off from my job, lost my home, hospitalized over major complications due to an illness and then moved across country. I'm doing great now, but back then ... not so great.... It was a lot to take in all at once. Over a very short time period there was absolutely nothing left to my life that was recognizable. I had to make finding joy a priority in order to survive, which is why now it is so important to me. It is interesting to note that all the "detours" in my life found me when I wasn't looking or wanting them. .. but JOY? Joy was there all along. I just needed to open my eyes to see it.

Some of you might be at a point where the veil of pain is so thick you can't see through it. That's when you have to go looking for it. The one thing no church or person can take from you is JOY. Finding joy became a vital step to recovering from that series of curve balls back in 2012. Just being able to get up in the morning brought me joy. Walking my dog brought me joy. Finding joy became my daily medication. We are always on a journey and there will always be detours. Finding joy gets us through it all. William Ernest Henley's Invictus is my morning affirmation of sorts. I find joy in his words.

INVICTUS
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Here. Here is where I find pure, unadulterated joy.