NOM

I've been NOM/Agnostic for 11 or 12 years now but I've never discussed it with my wife. She knows something is up because I don't pretend to be spiritual at all: I turn down callings, I never pray at home, I haven't attended SS or PH in years. If I go to SM it's to support her but then I leave to make my weekly Costco run and make dinner. I think the me making dinner part makes it much easier for her to accept that I skip SS & PH.

Anyway, we have three sons. The older two have some rare medical issues that were good excuses for them not to go on missions. They could have still gone and the church would have made it work (although it would have been really expensive for me) but they didn't go and DW never seemed to have a problem with it.

My youngest son is about to enter his Sr year in high school. He's a great kid, emotionally mature for his age, but he's kind of innocent/clueless about the real world. DW said she really wants him to go on a mission to help him adjust. While I agreed, I also bagged on missions. This was the first time I ever said anything negative about the church in front of her. I told her how those poor kids have to go pester people about religion for two years and nobody listens because the origin story is so bad. I told her I believed the real reason they push missions so hard is just to get those kids fully indoctrinated so when they come home they pay tithing for the rest of their lives.

Anyway, she didn't respond. We just kind of changed the subject and went on about our day. I'm sure if I dropped that on her 10 years ago she may have freaked out a bit but since I've spend the last 10 years obviously on the fence when it comes to church, she took it in stride.

Now, if I can just talk to her about how tithing is a scam.....

Wow Spicy, that's interesting. Yeah, I hope she has picked up on the ten years of inactivity and non-participation clue. Now I guess you just wait to see whether she swept it under the rug or whether it's baking in the oven waiting to pop out again. Good luck!

I'd call that a successful step to authenticity. Do you feel a bit relieved now? I'm glad your conversation was peaceful.
Rock waterman's "Are we paying too much tithing?" was one of the first things I shared with my husband years ago, it helped open the doors of thoughtful and honest conversation. He still attends, I stopped going five years ago, resigned two years ago. Sometimes he shares things about church that inspire him and sometimes I share things about church that I disagree with, I'm so glad that we are both able to do that with each other and I hope that you will have a similar experience. Best wishes.